jimmy divorce affects everyone differently....with my family...it made me want to be "sure" about it not ever happening. I see what my family was like and it has been the push for me....I learned alot thru my parents and their mistakes...I learned what I want my family to be ....and not be. I helped me to realize the importance of knowing who I was marrying before I did. I didn't ever want divorce to be an option. Maybe your gal is the same way. I don't know about her, but it doesn't really bother me when people ask me about it. Maybe you could ask her what affect that has had on her and how she see's it affecting her future marriage....I know deep conversation ....but you'll both benefit out of it

 

good point on the having to wait....with each divorce the probability that the next marriage will last goes down.

 

I do agree that divorce is way too easy. Also in alot of ways, marraige caan be to simple also, not saying they should have to have a "rite of passage" but to just pay the application fee and do it at the justice of the peace seems to make things much easier.

On the other hand I don't know that the government should decide who and where people get divorced. Guess its a catch 22

 

First site that popped up on a search of divorce statistics.

Mind boggling really.

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml

Waxy

 

Is the poll asking if I want one, or if I've had one, or if I just want to keep my options open?

 

Your opinion should people be allowed to not allowed to or is it case specific

 

Since marriage is a legal contract between two individuals, one could argue that it shouldn't be broken. At this point I would ask those that say no to the survey, to endure what I did for 14 LONG years..... and have both live to tell about it. I suspect few of those that think marriage should be for life have ever been in a really bad marital relationship. Mistakes are made by even the best informed..........a fact of life.

I agree that it is both too easy to get married, and too easy to end it, yet if one or both parties find the marriage unfullfilling or worse, why punish them? Nobody has mentioned how the kids get hurt when the marriage is "over". Trust me, the kids hurt much more in a house divided by hate, distrust, etc.

Life is too short to force people to stay together. My only issue here is to ensure the kids are provided for, and not just one spouse sending $$ to the other for child support. I feel the money should have to be documented to some degree as to how it was spent. I've seen far too many cases of the receiving parent using child support for expenses not even remotely associated with the intent, while the kids go without.

 

Perhaps we need to change the concept of marriage from a lifetime committment to something else?

What is the purpose of marriage in modern society?
Is it religous sacrement?
Is it a legal contract with no religous trappings?
Is it the basis from which we form communities?
Is it a tax category?
Is it the creation of a unit designed for raising children?
Is it a disease control measure?
Is it a partnership for negotiating life?
It is supposed to fill an emotional void?

Perhaps we should ask what specifically is the problem with people getting divorced. Why should we care about the business of two private individuals?

Whistler

 

I voted yes. My opinion may not count. I'm 42 and have never been married or divorced.
But, I have been with the same woman for 12 years. And we have a son also.
So bash me for living in sin.
zanny

 

just out of curiosity
how do you hardline abstinence advocates feel on this one?
I vote yes

 

It occures to me; Morals.

As one who has great first hand experience with low moral values, I can clearly see the underying theme in this thread. Now you have seen it too.

I'm betting everyone here would agree that a lifetime long intimate relationship with another person is an incredibly moral experience. It requires a higer personal moral code and a deeper depth of SELF understanding than most folks can muster.


Myself? I'm an admitted 3 time looser that is 45 pushing 46 and just beginning to realize he ain't nearly as smart or as normal* as he thought he was.

FWIW.

* - You have noticed I don't often think inside the box ~ever~ right?

 

Well folks, I am in the midst of my second divorce. I married a woman that had a very abusive first husband. I am fully taking my share of the blame, but this poor woman thinks it is all my fault. She is a person who has let her pain indentify who she is and has a total victim mentality. I have taken all the blame for 8 years and she never acknowledges that she is part of the problem. We have split up more times than I can count and it is almost always me to do the patching up. She left me in Alaska and I left the home that my heart aches for, just to try and keep this family together. In April, while I was on a business trip she told me on the phone that she wanted a divorce and I just decided not to fight her anymore if she wanted to leave. Then a couple months ago she approached me if I thought we should try a good counselor. As I was considering it she added that I needed shaped up and would have to change.
I probably could have given it a try and as a Christian I am grieved that this is happening, but how long should a man stay when you no longer have her respect or honor, and everything that needs worked out is your fault.
My biggest mistake was thinking the last bum would be an easy act to follow and I would look like a prince compared to him. It doesen't work that way. If you think women are sometimes difficult try living with a wounded one, and her emotionally disfigured and dysfunctional kids.

 

So far, nobody has mentioned the kids.

When two people agree to marry, it is because they love each other. The children that arrive are from the love of the union. When you divorce, you reject that union and what made the child.

Why do you think divorce is so devastating to kids?

 

I purposely did not mention my 7 year old daughter because the post was getting too long anyway. She is the light of my life. I would have never followed her mother out of Alaska I don't think, if it hadn't been for my daughter. Every consideration in this divorce is to minimize the trauma she will have to deal with. Well at least from my end. So far we are all still living in the same house and I haven't told her outright but she knows something is up. We have agreed to live in the same community so she can have daily access to both of us. She is used to us being seperated and actually grew up with it happening all the time. I still had my cabin 5 miles down the road for the first 5 years so whenever wifey got P.O.ed she would send me packing down to the creek. I would stay for as much as a month. Sometimes my daughter got sent with me, but I always saw her almost every day. Once in 1999 I had a new job and was thrown out at the time. The night before my first day of work wifey showed up with daughter and dumped her off to stay with me. She was 3 and I had to find a babysitter before morning.

 

I think divorce can be devastating to children
however I think in some cases, living in a home where the parents can't get along can be worse