I need to vent!
New User
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 15
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this was a list foward to me by my brother - have used a few myself
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?"
Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days
seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my
eyelashes are sore, my dog just dies...."
3. If they say they're Jane Doe from XYZ company, ask they to spell their name. Then
ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, Continue asking
them personal questions, or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: " Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company...."
You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you??? Oh my God!!! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully,
this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could
know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can
do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply,
in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...... would you be my friend!???."
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: " Can you get out blood??? Can you get out GOAT
blood? How about HUMAN blood?"
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number
to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to
fellow employees.
11. Answer the phone, As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down,
shout or scream, "OH MY GOD!!!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if she/he will give you
his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains
that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone
bothering you at home, right!!??" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know
how I feel!!??" and then hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telmarketer you are on "home Incarceration" and ask if they could
bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you, But I should
probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes.!!"
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
Com on Leon, cut it out!!! Seriously, Leon, How is your mother??"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speak up..... louder...... louder I can't hear you..... louder.....louder......"
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write
EVERY WORD down, and ask them to repeat and spell the words......"
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?"
Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days
seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my
eyelashes are sore, my dog just dies...."
3. If they say they're Jane Doe from XYZ company, ask they to spell their name. Then
ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, Continue asking
them personal questions, or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: " Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company...."
You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you??? Oh my God!!! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully,
this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could
know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can
do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply,
in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...... would you be my friend!???."
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: " Can you get out blood??? Can you get out GOAT
blood? How about HUMAN blood?"
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number
to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to
fellow employees.
11. Answer the phone, As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down,
shout or scream, "OH MY GOD!!!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if she/he will give you
his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains
that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone
bothering you at home, right!!??" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know
how I feel!!??" and then hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telmarketer you are on "home Incarceration" and ask if they could
bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you, But I should
probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes.!!"
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
Com on Leon, cut it out!!! Seriously, Leon, How is your mother??"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speak up..... louder...... louder I can't hear you..... louder.....louder......"
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write
EVERY WORD down, and ask them to repeat and spell the words......"
Postmaster
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,513
Likes: 0
From: La Tech University, La
"......IRGIN!! WHERES THE VIRGIN?? DON'T LET HER GET AWAY!! WE CAN'T PERFORM THE SACRIFICE WITHOUT A VIRGIN!!!!, Oh, I'm sorry, (insert name here)'s Rituals and Sacrifice's, what may I do for you?"
That is how you can always answer the phone especially for those unavailables....must start it in mid sentance and act like you are shouting to someone....unless they are selling potions and spells, they are not likely to bother you.
That is how you can always answer the phone especially for those unavailables....must start it in mid sentance and act like you are shouting to someone....unless they are selling potions and spells, they are not likely to bother you.
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