I think you should get some professional help on how to take care of this girl. Like some other people have said, check with your pastor, priest or rabbi if you have one, if not check with some of your friends and see if they can recommend someone. This doesn't sound like a job for a layman. You might do just fine, but if something goes wrong you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.

 

All right, I've got to chime in. As someone who works in the field of psychology (I am not a licensed therapist, but I know a few things), I have to point out a couple of things here.

Mustang GT221 will never, ever be able to get this woman committed to any type of treatment facility. It doesn't work that way. He could tell this story to the director of mental health services and it still wouldn't matter. This young woman is an adult, obviously of age, and Mustang GT221 is not her parent or guardian and so could not commit her to anything. It is impossible.

Now, he could try to get the county/state social services involved and they could possibly declare her a vulnerable adult and get her committed that way. However that would involve court hearings, psychiatric evaluations that would twice as intrusive as voluntary therapy, ad nauseum. In other words, it ain't gonna happen.

Now many people here seem to be biased against therapy. I can understand that. Oftentimes therapists can be fanatical, creepy, cold, dispassionate, etc. Or at least people percieve them to be that way. However, her presenting problem (i.e. the immediate concern) here is her depression and sucidal ideation.

MustangGT221, I'm sure you are a swell guy and mean only the best but I highly doubt you can effectively deal with someone who is suicidally depressed. No offense at all, please understand that. Depression is almost always associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain. Obviously you are not going to be able to work on that aspect of her problems.

For this reason, among others, I would recommend getting some professionals involved. A good place to begin would be a suicide hotline. They will be able to give you some information on how to help your friend get some help. She needs to be the one reaching for help beyond what you can give her. I think the hotline would be a good first step. You need to have somebody who knows more than I, or anybody else so far on this thread, give you information and guidance.

Suicide is third leading cause of death among women of this age in this nation. It is serious and should not be taken lightly.

Whistler

 

This is a loooooonnnnngggg one.

Run - Get Out As Fast As You Can!!

First off Whistler is right on - there isn't much you can do. Here's a personal experience story that may enlighten you some.

One of my brothers was dating this girl that was out for nothing but the attention. I won’t go into the major detail, but on one of many occasions it involved her calling to cops on him. This particular incident there were over 20 of us that witnessed her beating her own head on my ceramic tile counters and floors and dang near through my solid wood bathroom door. My Bro wasn’t paying attention to her like she wanted. I even wrestled her down to the ground, turning my kitchen into a disaster area and sat on top of her with my hand on her forehead to keep her from banging her head any further on my tile floor at one point. Once I finally let her up, she busted thru both of my porch doors (breaking both) and headed down the road to their place. She came back with the cops, pointing a finger at my brother, trying to get him busted for the bloody marks on her head. The cop believed the 20+ witnesses to the incident over her version and didn’t screw with my brother. I think it also had something to do with her previously recorded Psych Records.

He was with her with the idea that he could help her and keep her from her suicidal tendencies. They split up about 5 years ago, and broke off all ties regarding her suicide attempts/help me crap about 2 years ago. He still runs into her and whatever new sucker she has with her to this day. Although she doesn’t have him to “help her”, she always has somebody there.

I guess the moral is, before you go getting yourself so involved that there will never be a way out for you, you need to find this girl some help other than yourself. Think about it, when you have a family of your own and this same girl keeps showing up putting the same suicide threats to you, you’re going to be a slave to her moods. How can you possibly have a relationship with someone else with that kind of heavy, never ending baggage, hanging over your head. Nip It Now.

Talk to her. Tell her you’ll help her get help. Do whatever you can to send her in her own direction. As mentioned before, she’s only interested in you for the sympathy – stop it now so you can get on with your life without any hanging ties. There’s some people out there that you can’t help and never will be able to. Do the best you can for now, but find a way to stop it before it consumes you and any future you may have.

 

OK Carlene, that would be worst case scenario...(I feel sorry for your brother)

 

Just to echo what everyone else has said, your friend has a lot of very serious mental problems. She needs far more than what you can give her in terms of support or anything else.

If I were you, I would try to stay as emotionally separated from her as you can. Be a friend to her and try to get her help through any one of the methods suggested above - if one thing doesn't work, then try another one.

But don't let your feelings for her sway you into getting involved any further. It will be *extremely* painful for you, I can guarantee that. There are plenty of well-adjusted girls out there - you're only 19, you have YEARS to find one.

Just for the record, I speak from experience. Suicide, abuse, the whole nine yards. I wish I'd stayed away...

 

It's been my experience/observation that women (or men for that matter) who are have lived their life with abuse (especially from a parent) tend to wind up with abusive parters. It's not that they want to be abused, it's more like they don't know how to handle being treated well. Unfortunatley MustangGT221, there isn't much you can do to help her aside from encouraging her to get help and to be there as a friend, nothing more. From what you have described of the situation it sounds like you are her "saftey net". That may be gratifying for you when she's there but that sounds like a very small part of the time and it's not healthy for you to be emotionially attached to her in terms of a relationship.

I truly feel for you. I was in a situation quite similar to yours when I was your age. I encourage you to stay friends with her and be there for her to talk to as long as it doesn't bring you down. Like others have already said, don't get emotionally involved. I know... That's easier said than done. Looking back in 10 years you won't regret it though.

 

I think everyone who has posted has pretty much sumed it up pretty well, people who were abused severely will find abusive partners or abuse any partner that is not abusing them most the time. It is not like they want to do this, it has been wired in to them from sever trauma that has happened to them in their upbringing.. I have been with girls like these before, they are trouble, lots of it. If she is making serious threats about suiside you need to call 911.

Try and get her to see a professional who deals with this sort of thing, if you can't you've done all that you could.

But as far as a relationship is concerened, i would stay away unless she is in treatment for what she has gone through.

Good Luck

 

I would have to agree with everyone else on this. The best thing I can see for you to do is just be her friend. Be there when she needs you. She has to want to help herself before she can get any help from anyone else. No matter what she says or does now. If she does not want to help herself nothing you say or do will really matter. Sounds a little cruel but I've been through simular before. Be there for her as a friend, a shoulder to cry on. but right now I wouldn't let it go any farther then that. Once she gets everything straightned out then maybe but till then just friends.

 

Mustang, have you spoken with your parents about your concerns? What have they said? Whistler has a good point, I have some understanding because my wife is a license profession counselor and a crisis counselor. I've heard some stories. Don't try handling this on your own. Good luck.

 

her problems will become yours!! GET OUT!!!!

 

I don't know you and I'm doing a little fishing here...

Ask yourself if this is a pattern of behavior on your part. In the past, have you always been attracted to a 'damsel in distress'? If so, you need to do some soul searching and figure out why you are attracted to this type of person and why you want to subject yourself to chaos on a consistent basis. It will take a committed effort on her part and lots of time to heal her wounds. It doesn't sound as if she is ready to take on her demons. She is crying out for help and has done nothing but drag you down into her hell.

Most people would want a fairly stable partner that can enrich their lives, rather than want to play a savior role. Help out your friend for awhile and move on. The road you are on is filled with heartache and misery. Her salvation lies within.

At best you a unstable partner that will either be the victim or the abuser, and one that will cheat on you. Move on and work on your own demons.

 

Sorry I havn't been able to chip in...I was out of town for 2 days. It's kind of hard to decide which route I should take as it's still early. When I was 15, she wanted to do it but I talked her out of it. I told my mom about it, and with her I went to my school principle who I had a good relationship with. Since then, she has been fine. She got out of the relationship with the abusive BF, she's been with bobby for 3 years and she's been happy. She hasn't told me her mom has been a problem since, or anything else that's been a problem. She's thanked me a couple times, saying that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't be here and such over the years. So in other words, she's been happy and fine for atleast 3 years, no problems that I know of and she'd tell me if there were. So basically it comes down to the fact that she has strong feelings for me...and bobby at the same time. She considered leaving him for me, it was kind of just an idea until she read that E-mail he wrote. She asked me for time to think..and space...she hasn't really spoken to me that that much since the e-mail thing. She called me at like 1-2am on her way home from work and stopped by to see me a few days after the e-mail thing. So for now I don't know much of what's going on, she asked for space and I'm kind of just backing off and giving it to her. I feel like I should just wait it out and see what happens. I know it can't get much worse then it is now for her. She's just a confused girl who just doesn't know what is right. Should she stay with him, leave him, or what not. I can see the situation clearly, but she can't. For most of what I know, bobby has been good to her. So maybe I should just wait it out for now and go from there.

 

I know all about the hole waiting game. I'm going through that now in my on problem. Its real tough to do and it will drive you crazy. waiting has cost me about $150-$200 in speeding tickets, several broken bones in my hands, and a car that needs a lot of work now. But at least now I think my girl might be thinking about me more than him, (only time will tell). I now what your going through, and it sucks most of the time.
I wish you the best. Just don't do anything stupid that will cost you everything. Been there done that, not much fun. Don't remember almost 6 months because of doing something stupid. Took along time to get everything back to what it was.
Hope everything works out for you, and remember sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing but wait.