hi all! i havent been on here for a while, i must be honest, ive been cheating on you with another forum. its a radio forum and im a radio nut! but i have to say, i dont share too much personal info on that site, they are radio buddies, you guys are like family.

ok family, here's what's been going on. i turned 30 this past September. i really didint notice any difference right away, i still looked and acted like i was in my twenties; and then it happened. i was drinking with a friend one night in Dec. and when i left for home, that little drunk on my shoulder told me it wasnt time to end the evening yet. to make a long story interesting, i left my buddy at around midnight, ended up at the strip club, (i know!), and got home around 9am. Broke!!! somehow i had lost all but about $40 of my paycheck, i was so depressed i just passed out. i was awakened by the phone. it was a friend of mine calling to ask how i was doing. apparently, i had called her while driving home. i dont remember this at all. yes thats right, i was driving while in a blackout!

i got SO lucky that i didnt hurt anyone or get a DUI. this, combined with the money situation was the final straw. i quit drinking that day and i havent had a drink since. i dont know if this is a lifelong thing for me, but for now i must admit that i dont make good decisions when im drunk, and i cant drink without going all the way. i dont feel much different, but i have alot more money these days! its amazing what i was spending each month. this is one major difference in my life.

the other involves a woman. i have always been a free spirit and have enjoyed dating many different women. (sorry if this post is getting long, but ive got alot to say!) there has been one woman in and out of my life for about the last 12 years. we were friends in high school at which time she dated my best friend, i liked her then but of course was loyal to my friend and kept my mouth shut. she moved to Venesuela right after graduation, and i didnt see her again until i was 21, we went out one night, and ended up in bed together. things were very weird after that and we lost touch. saw her again at 27, we started dating. by this time we had both developed pretty strong drinking habits and that got worse as we dated. i broke up with her after about a year and a half and about a thousand drunk fights. we still saw eachother after that and were friends until i got another girlfriend. this girl broke up with me a year later and i called HER for support. we have been great friends for about a year now, but i wasnt ready for anything more. she was. she got tired of waithing for me to come around and got a boyfriend. they have been together about a week and she tells me that she wishes she was with me. i have been examining my feelings for about a week now and think im still in love with her. i want to tell her that we should give it a shot, but im finding myself conflicted about the commitment. i want to be with her very much, we get along great, and being realistic, at 30, im running out of chances to find "the one". im just afraid of finding out a year from now that i want to be free again. i dont want to hurt this girl.

so, if any of you are still with me, does every guy think like this when he's thinking about his future with a woman? or are these doubts telling me that i should keep looking? im so confused. in my twenties, i would have gone out, got drunk, and found someone else. 30 is definitely different!

 

You think 30 is different ! .
Wait til you hit 50 and fall a few times

Good luck with the romance

 

As for your drunken escapade....

That happenes to alot of people. About the same thing happened to me while I was 25. Don't drink like I use to now, thats for sure. I now drink to be social & that is very seldom. Usually 4-5 drinks & I'm done ready to go, about once a year I get full blown drunk & I hate myself in the morning for doing it.


As for the romance......

Do what you feel is best. I'm about in the same shoes as you are. Will be 30 later this year, just got out of a pitiful 10 year marriage that shouldn't of happened, but I was trying to do the right thing at the time, so I thought. Hey, when your 19 and the chick get pregnant 2 thought go across your mind. RUN & RUN FAST or try to be a responsible adult. I tried to be responsible, besides she could run faster then I.

Now I'm rather concerned if I will meet someone that will fit my standards. Yeah, I got standards. They aren't that high but I have been married before & don't want to relive a horrid experience. Plus I'm looking for someone that can accept my kids.

I've moved around alot, so it isn't like I can call up a old girlfriend and say lets get together. I've tried the internet dating thing, and I have to admit it has giving me a few rolls in the sack but nothing I really would like to commit to.

Oh well, the search will go one. I have other things that take priority though & I will continue with those. Maybe she will walk along someday & complete my life.

 

parks911, yeah, i think i remember a post or two about your situation. glad to hear your doing ok. i guess im just asking how to tell if she's "the one". its new for me to think about the future, but now i cant help it! 30 is definitely different!

 

30 is a distant memory for me now. At 30 I had been married nearly a year,my first child was born and I had a house. I had a 78' Econoline Custom Van and a new 1980 F - 250 4x4. I'm 54 now

 

People say you are considered an adult at 18, but I know from my experience it is really 30. I look back over my life and they way I used to think is almost the exact opposite of the way I think now. (BTW I am 39). I got married at 26 and still happily married. I can remember when I used to consider never getting married, now I can't think about NOT being married.
Yes 30 is different. I think more about my family than I do myself. I am thinking about retirement ( which is something I never thought of when I was younger) I always think about my bills first before buying something or going on a trip, not like I used to do, just doing what I wanted and worry about the bills later. Yes 30 is different, now I am getting ready to see what 40 brings.
As for romance, I think it is every man for himself. No one can know how you feel inside, and no one can tell you how you should feel.

 

Do you own a house yet ? If not, get one and see how that changes your life. You may find home ownership will change your outlook on commitment and make it more comfortable to commit to a woman.
Loose the booze! Sept.02.1980 was my last drunk and I'm alive to say so today. Drinking buddies, male or female, don't seem to last. That should not be on the list of reasons why you chose any woman.
JMHO.
AL.

 

I will hit the ol' 30 benchmark this year and I just got engaged this past December after dating for 3 years. We have had our ups and downs and I can't say there have not been a few times I thought about moving on when we were not on the best of terms. Especially one time when they hired a lady at work and we were in one of those not so happy periods. Any how we hung in there and things got better. I did end up becoming friends with that girl at work and am glad I did not attempt to start something with her. She is really nice but she has a lot of baggage that I am not quite sure I would want to deal with. What I kind of took from the whole experience was there are a lot of nice women at our age. The problem is that the longer you wait the more crap they go through, the more potential baggage they accumulate. Not to say you will not ever be able to find what you want, but it becomes more of a challenge. Kids, divorces, potentially having to deal with the ex., proving to them you aren't going to be like the last guy.... crap like that all continues to add up in the equation.
I can't say I know exactly what to tell you in your situation, except give you a few things to think about and wish you luck in your decision.

 

You are growing up, young man. Don't be ashamed by your behavior-just learn from it. It is a semi-natural progression that many males must endure before gaining the wisdom and maturity that comes with age and experience.
I congratulate you for having a glimpse of your future before many other young men do!
Hey- there is nothing wrong with having a good time every once and a while. Believe me, there is a different kind of excitement to be experienced when you know that you are mostly in control of your life.
Take care!
kal

 

I am 58 and barely remember 30 because I still drank. I quit at 31. Never since. Best thing I ever did. One of the best anyway. Good for you. Did the girl quit or will she pull you into it again?
As for women: You will not know if you don't give it a try. But you are not running out of chances. There are plenty out there. As for me, I can tell when I have the right truck, but I can never tell with a woman. It is a complete mistery.
Men don't mature as fast as women. I don't think we really have it together until we are about 50. The trouble is that at about 55 you start to lose your memory, and forget everything we learned. So we only have about 5 good years. We spend the rest of the time either trying to figure things out or trying to remember what we used to know.
So all I can do is wish you good luck, because what I could have passed on to you I already forgotten. God bless you in your search.

 

i have to say i agree with dennis, 30 was fun, 40 oboy, 50 fell a few times now at 58 its up hill again. age is nothing its what you do with your life. 30 is nothing. but for me it was wake up time sounds like you are there.enjoy life its short enough as it is. i've been sober for 34 years don't miss it at all, have saved a lot of money since also.
sounds like you really like that girl and sounds like she has feelings for you also don't wait to long . don't lose her again good luck

 

Man feel sorry for ya. I turn 40 in June, can't wait for that.

 

Hey, I had a G/F for 6 years, all through high school, college, the same one until I was 22. I'd do anything to get her back, even though she's married twice and has a kid. Anyhow, turning 30 isn't the end of the world my man. Trial and error. If you 2 get hammered and start fightin' it won't be a long trip for either of ya!! Let it go, there's alot of fish in the sea.

 

make a list of the pro's and con's of this girl and weight it out, I'm seroius write it down, don't be too harch on the con,s cause with a like work and commitment you can over come your differences, the trouble with a lot of people theses days is their not willing to work out a relationship cause its to much work, if you love that person deep down and their willing like you, then you will beable to smooth out the bumps in the road and make it work, don't get too caught up in the petty stuff, its not worth fighting about, getting rid of the boose will save you alot of trouble and fights(you already know that) good luck

 

how could i have stayed away from this forum for so long? (couple of months).

thank you all for your kind words and advice, and i mean that. ive been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and i find that the old adage about bros before $%'s just doesnt seem to apply these days. dont get me wrong, i enjoy hanging out with my friends, but they are not who i look to for support and understanding anymore. i want one person that i know cares deeply for me and has my back no matter what. i found that most of the doubts i had came in the form of other peoples' voices in my head. friends saying, "she hurt you before, you'd better be careful", or parents saying, "we only want whats best for you". i finally stopped paying attention to all that long enough to ask myself one very important question. "does she make you happy?" the answer is deifnitely yes, and as soon as i started thinking about what I wanted instead of what everyone around me would think and say, the other answers started coming to me.
i love this girl, i have for years, and there's never going to be a time in my life when i dont have at least a few doubts. there are no sure things in this life, and love is certainly no exception. im going to tell her how i feel tonite and im pretty sure it will sweep her right off her feet. wish me luck, im diving in head first this time!
P.S. as far as the drinking goes, im not giong back to it. i dont even get the cravings for it anymore. the financial gain alone is enough to keep me away. she is on the way to quitting but thats her decision, not mine. im going to tell her that i want her stop, but its got to be her choice. she mede it a new years resolution, hasnt really kept it, but i know she wants to be free of it.