Random stuff
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From: Newton America :-P
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than
8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than
8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
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From: Newton America :-P
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting, '13....13.....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks.
I looked through to see what was going on.....
Some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14.....14....14....
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks.
I looked through to see what was going on.....
Some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14.....14....14....
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Fleet Owner
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From: Newton America :-P
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From: Newton America :-P
LEARNING TO CUSS A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss". The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with a$$". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios". WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your a$$ it won't be Cheerios"..
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From: Newton America :-P
Well I waited on a guy yesterday and he didn't show-- he was flying in from OHIO - he never made his flight-- he never checked in- his wife said he left for Oklahoma, and doesn't know where he is-- he just disappeared == how weird. They are looking for his car now.
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From: abilene kansas
Perspectives....
A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's *********; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no *****....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.
A doctor from France says:"In France , the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's *********; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
A German doctor comments quietly : "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says boasting :"That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA , about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no *****....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole damn country is looking for work.
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From: Newton America :-P
What a day-- drilled open a safe- Drilled open an ATM- (and broke a really hard bit off in it that I had to get out) Then a Walgreens door wouldn't open and people couldn't get their stuff from the break room @ 8:00-----
Oh they found the poor guy I waited on -- he died.
What a day!
Oh they found the poor guy I waited on -- he died.
What a day!
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From: Newton America :-P
Thanks Garret-- on the brighter side his obituary was actually kind of funny-- the way I want mine!
http://www.medinacountylife.com/arti...3461329517.txt
http://www.medinacountylife.com/arti...3461329517.txt