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I'm hitting easy street
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,395
Likes: 27
From: Central Oregon
3 Old Men
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily function's.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily function's.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
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Certified Thread Hijacker
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 14,441
Likes: 60
Well, the other night he pissed himself in his sleep. Poor guy, but I did get a good laugh out of it.
Josh
More Turbo
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 652
Likes: 1
From: New hampshire
One day Earl is walking down the street and sees his old buddy Bubba driving a brand new Dodge 4x4 pickup truck. Earl knows Bubba doesn't even have a job so he can't really afford a new truck.
"How did you get the new truck, Bubba?" says Earl
"Well this ol' gal picks me up in this big ole truck the other day, drives way out in the country, stops, gets out, and takes off all her clothes. Then she says, "You can have any thing you want." "So I took the truck."
"Damn, that was smart" says Earl. "None of them clothes would have fit you."
UUUUGGGGHHHHH!
"How did you get the new truck, Bubba?" says Earl
"Well this ol' gal picks me up in this big ole truck the other day, drives way out in the country, stops, gets out, and takes off all her clothes. Then she says, "You can have any thing you want." "So I took the truck."
"Damn, that was smart" says Earl. "None of them clothes would have fit you."
UUUUGGGGHHHHH!
Posting Guru
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,644
Likes: 3
From: SW Ohio
didn't the nookie stop when you showed her the parts bill when you bullet proofed the 6.0L?
lol
Certified Thread Hijacker
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 14,441
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Josh
Fleet Owner
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 27,307
Likes: 549
From: Spanaway
Ok
I found this one for you all Enjoy.
The Swearing Parrot
There is a man with a parrot, and the parrot swears like a sailor. The parrot can swear for five minutes
straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the man who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type,
and the bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the man grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "Quit it!"
This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the man gets mad and says "OK for you," and locks
the bird in the kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the man finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a
stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At this point, the man is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses more vulgar words, then suddenly, it gets very quiet.
At first the man just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes
of silence, he is so worried that he opens the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my
best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astonished. He can't understand the transformation that has taken place.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
Sean
I found this one for you all Enjoy.
The Swearing Parrot
There is a man with a parrot, and the parrot swears like a sailor. The parrot can swear for five minutes
straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the man who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type,
and the bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the man grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "Quit it!"
This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the man gets mad and says "OK for you," and locks
the bird in the kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the man finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a
stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At this point, the man is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses more vulgar words, then suddenly, it gets very quiet.
At first the man just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes
of silence, he is so worried that he opens the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my
best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astonished. He can't understand the transformation that has taken place.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
Sean
