Your left rear tire is low.

 

I just had the mechanic do a bunch of work to it.

It's a 2006 diesel

He replaced the muffler bearing, turn signal fluid reservoir, a loose nut behind one of the wheels, and did spark plugs and wires cap and rotor. He only charged me $900 which I thought was a good price but now it won't start. Please help!

 

try the Keys.

 

HEY I wasent done looking at that

 

How men and women record things in their diaries......

Wife's Diary:


Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me,
and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.

I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely,
as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant
and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I de cided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was
distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep;

I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Husband's Diary:

A two-foot putt..........who the hell misses a two-foot putt ?

 

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.


My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started......

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital by Thursday!!

 

An iRon... ROTFL!!!

Josh

 

The Dead Parrot


A touching story...

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Señor, that is the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?!"

"No one, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Señor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead??!"

"Yes, Señor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor.."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire and the house burned down."

"What the hell?! Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Señor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Señor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Señor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom Wenig Exhibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if there's even a scratch on that shotgun, you're in deep sh_t!"

 

UMMM Josh wins . But I will add " Welcome to Ford country, on a quiet night you can hear a Chevy rust"

 

LMAO Scott, my wife has a banded mini mc caw great bird when it talks but when skreeting its time to go play with the CAT. now I have to go roll tires with my new found girl friend

 

Silly girls came over to play with my other tire.....




Josh

 

I not sure how this one will come off in print but it's a fun one to tell .


A lady walks by a pet store everyday on her way to work. One day there is a HUGE parrot in a cage sitting out front watching her approach. Just as she gets there, the parrot says "hey Lady!"... "What is it pretty bird?" the woman replies happily. "You're f%#in' ugly!" the bird replies with a smirky tone. Offended, she turns and stomps away.

The next day as she's passing, the parrot says "hey lady?"..."what?" the woman replies. "You're f'in ugly!" Because she had a whole day to stew over the fist incident she's quite PO'd this time. she marches in the store and angrily describes the offensive behavior of the bird to the owner. He apologizes to the woman and explains the bird is very smart but he bought it from some very bad people and he would have a talk with the bird. He walks outside with the woman and with vulgar language, tells the bird "if you call this woman ugly again I will sell you to a feather duster factory!" Somewhat startled but satisfied, the lady left for work.

On the third day as she approached the hulking bird it watched intently as she approached and just as she reached the cage the bird again said "hey, lady!". The woman stops in her tracks looks it it in the eye and says "WHAT?" The bird shuffled uncomfortably from one foot to the other, clears it's throat, and says "youuu knnowww"

 

Good one!

Josh

 

A friend of mine has a huge Labrador Retriever. It eats a lot, and we went to the store to buy a large bag of dog food. We were in line to check out and a woman behind him asked if he had a dog.

The "what a moron!" look on my buddy's face was priceless, and I knew what it meant: he was going to toy with her. He told her that no, he was starting The Purina Diet again although he probably shouldn't -- he said he had ended up in the hospital last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.
He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. He said that the food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with his story, particularly a big tall guy who was behind the woman.

Horrified, she asked why he ended up in the hospital -- had the Purina made him sick? He told her no; he'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking his ***** and a car hit him.

The woman turned fire-engine red, and I helped the tall guy up off the floor

 

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it…took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer– no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.
The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.
I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey