There is an ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :
"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute.
Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."
So this Big dog's Wagging its tail outside the office.
It has noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position.
The employer takes one look at the dog, shakes his head and says, "I can't hire a dog."
The Very Large Dog points at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad.
So the employer says, "OK, can you type this document?"
and gives the dog a letter. The dog types everything correctly and
neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.
Flustered, the employer says, "Can you put these figures into spreadsheet and
make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and
give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gives the dog some documents.
The dog completes the spreadsheet, the program,
the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.
The employer shakes his head,
points at the ad and says, "But are you bilingual?"
The dog says "Meow!"

 

 

 

^ Groan button please .....

 

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed", she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist", the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very Professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know", she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came in."

 

An oldie...but...a goodie...

 

I've heard of guys falling off the wagon that way...

 

A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took

down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh, that?" she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

 

It was a night to remember - forgotten !