You came to the right place to talk about your pain.. we are here for you ..

 

I know that you want the ones that hurt you to feel your pain, but they may not.I think you already know that . Its time for you to do something for you ...

If it gets unbearable , call me . 231-740-3156

 

A lot of what you tell about yourself sounds like me way back in the day. I won't say I know what you are going through because that would be insulting to you BUT I can say that there were times I thought suicide might be a good way out. Thankfully I never had the ***** to act on it.

You 've got things in your life that you find enjoyable - music, band, poetry, volunteer work....use those as an escape from what is wrong with your life. Take up exercise/running or something. Find a place to go where you can try to make some new friends - band was always a great place for me to meet friends and girlfriends (my wife and I met in the band at college).

Now, for the tough love part. Do you lock yourself in the room and play video games? Do you drink tons of caffeinated drinks to stay up all night playing? I see something about zombies in your sig and I am guessing that may be a part of your lack of friends and maybe the insomnia thing too. Are you addicted to an online game? Again, I am guessing but some of these games are downright dangerous in their addictiveness. I have a young family member who had to be restrained by the police after his mother put a password on the computer and he got violent. My point is that if this is part of the problem, eliminating it would be an obvious part of the solution. Let me know if I am way off here.

Also, since you are 16, you are only a year or two away from being able to get away - college, the military, whatever. You need to get out of that environment. Is there a relative you could stay with until then?

Stay in touch with us on here. If you need someone to talk to and your school counselor won't talk to you, ask him to refer you to someone. But don't stop trying to get help - you can't fight this alone. Even mentioning the word "suicide" to any counselor should force them into action.

Good luck and please, don't do anything stupid.

And by the way, the once depressed teenage that I was is now a normal, married, successful engineer and father to two great kids. I am glad I didn't miss this because I took an easy way out....

 

Do you have relatives you can move in with?.......You need to leave that "home" behind or grit it out for a couple more years and GET OUT. Find a job that lets you live on your own and stand on your own,..... join the military and find a family where you never expected it. You need to get away from your situation, your worth more than that.

 

That doesn't make me think any more or any less of you. But it is a personal thing, and it might be a little too much information to share early in a friendship. Also, that is no reason to avoid speaking with a clergyman. I'm sure some will have nothing to offer except their version of God. But they are not all that way, and if nothing else they will listen. Some of the best are women.

 

Wicked, I don't know you. I don't know the details of all the pain in your life. I can tell you my childhood / teen years were pretty crappy also. I felt alone most of the time and I had no friends I could open up to. But I'm still here, still kickin'. I'm married, have kids and I made a pretty good life for myself. Those dark days are long gone. They made me what I am today. No matter how bad things are, you have to keep your head up. Don't give in. Good luck and stay strong!!

 

If there is one thing I can add, Paul, it would be urge you to not run to drugs/alcohol to
escape; I did that when I was going through similarly crappy stuff for similar reasons
and, while it seems to make you feel good for a little while, in the end it makes things
lots worse so don't do that, OK? It's just not worth it.

I don't want to sound insulting but good group counseling sessions would do wonders for
you, you'll find there are other kids out there whose worlds are LOTS LOTS LOTS
worse than yours.

Look up alateen meetings in your area, start here:
Welcome to Alateen

I don't know your city but this seems to be the local Web site for you:
North Carolina & Bermuda Al-Anon / Alateen Family Group _:|:_Hope for Families and Friends of Alcoholics

This isn't for alcoholic teenagers, it is for the kids of alcoholics because alcoholism
affects the entire family, not just the person using the drug. Go to some of the meetings,
listen to what others have to say, I'll bet you'll be inspired to add to the conversations
because a lot of the other children of alcoholics are going through the sane crap you are
and these are kids your age. I'll bet an awful lot of what other kids are saying is gonna
sound oh-so-familiar to you....

If you can find the right group, I bet it'll do you a world of good.

 

Wicked, I like Nitramjr, am reading a bit of my life in what you have typed. I grew up in an old falling apart ten foot wide trailer with an addition attached. I was very quiet and shy in school. I had a small group of friends that I did some pretty bad things with but never got caught. I was tall, skinny, and wore glasses up until the ninth grade. Everybody liked me in school... I did not like them. I lived behind my alcoholic grandfather and religious grandmother. I had never attended church. I have since gone to a couple of different ones with friends or a girlfriend but it is not for me. I do not understand the whole religion thing. I hold myself accountable for me.

One of the hardest things I ever did was when I was fifteen. I sat at the kitchen table with my fathers pistol ready to go out. I could not stop thinking about how bad I would hurt the people I love even though I had a good bit of anger and blame towards them. I went to my counselor the next day and told her my feelings. She told me I needed to go home and tell my parents and that they would help me. All I can say is I made my dad cry. He promised to get me some help. When my dad walked out of my room, my brother came in and beat me for making my dad cry.

I saw a counselor and my family doctor. It was a waste of my time. I dropped out of school two weeks from the end of my junior year. My friends quit speaking to me for making that choice. My assistant principal took me in his office with the counselor and told me that he saw all kinds of potential in me and that they (my public school) were holding me back. He tried to get me to stay, but I quit anyway. I was now sixteen and had no friends and no job. Things got worse from there but I never used drugs or turned to alcohol.

I took the pre test for my GED. The lady there told me that I scored off of there scale on all subjects but math. She begged me to go back to school. I did not listen and got my GED. I took my college admittance test when I was 18 and scored a 26. The highest was a 32. My high school friends took that test three times and scored between 26 and 28. I went a couple of years to college and worked full time at a grocery store.

Life never got better. I got better and have had plenty of mental and physical tests in my now 39 years of life. I have made and lost and started my life over more than once. I guess you could say I have killed parts of my life that I did not like. To do that you have to change the way you think and live your life. If you are like me, you will always have suicidal tendencies and take on dangerous jobs. Those tendencies will always be in my head but I will never act on them. Some one else is gonna have to take my life from me because I have worked to hard and fought to many demons to give up on me.

I do not know if this will help you but you are not alone in your thoughts. Do not take the easy way, stick around, 'cause we are gonna need you and your truck after the plague takes over, taking care of those dumb *** zombies. You can come fight next to me in that battle.

By the way, I filled out, stopped growing at 6 foot five, wear contacts and have a full head of black hair. In my worldly travels of danger across the U.S., I have found that the ladies really liked me and found my lovely wife. Suicide will never let you have those dreams and desires that you want so badly. Let us know if you need anything.

 

> If I could just turn the key and drive away from this place.... maybe i'd be happy...

Go join a junior ROTC school, I think they closed the Citadel, then the military, and don't look back. Take your truck with you.

 

Have you ever thought about hanging around your local fire or police depts? Alot of them have programs for teens to build on such as explorers/cadets. Meet some new friends and hang around some great leaders. It saddens me to even speak of suicide, be stronger than that. Take care

 

Teen angst and a ****ty home life, Paul I know how you feel.

I'm not saying I know YOUR life... no one does but you.
Thanks for having the courage to open up like this.
The fact that you are looking for help tells me that you'd rather move on with your life than end it so short.
I'm sorry to hear you can't seem to find the support you need from those whose place it is to do just that.
I'm not a shrink or a preacher, but I do care. You are not alone.

Peace,
-Jim

 

If you want you can e-mail me at greenego1@verizon.net or call me at 301-834-3022 and I would be more than happy to talk to you and become friends. Sorry I didn't give you this information in my earlier posts. I don't mind and I have all the time in the world as I am retired.

 

Hi Paul,
Lots of good advice on here. Probably the most important is having someone to talk to. A sounding board so to speak. Finding something to get involved in is a good start, whether it's volunteering some place or perhaps getting a job, or both! Remember, all of us have gone through tough situations in life. While they may have been totally different than yours, each of us have had struggles. Some brought on by ourselves, but many were the result of circumstances brought on by others that we had no control over. What you do have control over is how you face these situations, over come them, and become a better person for it. You have come to a great place for help. Some here are close to your age, (relate-ability factor) while others here are older, perhaps have children of our own, and can offer some "experience" with our life experiences.

 

Emotional pain and physical pain have a lot in common. It hurts.

If your foot hurts, you either work yourself through the pain, avoid things that make it hurt until it goes away, or you seek professional help. If you do not find relief at the first Doctor you find another one.

Do not bet your life on the school counselor or his / her actions. It is time to move on to someone that will will help YOU.

My mother attempted suicide on four different occasions, the first when I was 14. I found her in her bathroom, catatonic, from an overdose of prescription drugs.

Your life is a precious gift. Take care of it as such.

Call this lifeline NOW. Do not pass go, do not collect $ 200.00. Do it NOW!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/<WBR>7 free and confidential, nationwide network of crisis centers.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

And Paul, just as an FYI: I pray that you will call the number above.

It makes no matter to me whether you believe in God or not. Because I do. And I, and as I am sure others here will, pray that you find the relief that you seek and that years from now you will be able to help someone else in need.