The Five Secrets to a Great Relationship:



1. It is important to find a man who works around the house,
occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't
lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves
to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet

 

Hey Hey - no stealing mens' jokes about women and turning them against us!!!!

 

Why not? Guys do it all the time.

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

1) One old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...

2) Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

3) Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

4) A youth she's content to leave behind...

5) A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to re-telling it in her old age...

6) A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

7) One friend who always makes her laugh...and one who lets her cry...

8) A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

9) Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

10) A feeling of control over her destiny...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...


1) How to fall in love without losing herself...

2) How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

3) When to walk away!...

4) That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

5) That her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

6) That she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

7) How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

8) Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

9) Where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

10) What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

 

Had to withdraw my reply - I'm learnin'!!!

 

This one was sent to me... figured it might fit in this thread..

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

This could have been helpful to me about thirty years ago.
Instead I was forced to rely on dumb luck.
Coincidental that it seems to be working out?
I think not!