Update for New Jersey Drivers Handbook
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
Update for New Jersey Drivers Handbook
DMV: New Jersey
2009 Motor Vehicle's Handbook Updates
New Regulations in the New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicle's 2009 Handbook:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey Driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with PA, NY or DE plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prevent other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Transportation, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.
12. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
15. In New Jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.
Thank You,
The New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicles
Applies to the other states as needed (especially North Carolina!)
2009 Motor Vehicle's Handbook Updates
New Regulations in the New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicle's 2009 Handbook:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey Driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with PA, NY or DE plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prevent other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Transportation, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.
12. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
15. In New Jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.
Thank You,
The New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicles
Posting Guru
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,724
Likes: 1
From: Butler, IN
Isn't Ship Boy from North Carolina??
I think this was copied from the Michigan Drivers handbook?? At least in the Detroit area. Been there done that!
I think this was copied from the Michigan Drivers handbook?? At least in the Detroit area. Been there done that!
Jäger
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,491
Likes: 5
From: Northern Arizona
Quite fitting for the 'City of Angels' as well! Thanks for the laugh.
The brake and rubberneck line just kills me. I'll just never understand that.
For 2-lane highways with passing lanes you could add, "Always accelerate about 1/4 mile before entering a passing lane, even if you do decide to stay to the right. It's your chance to stay ahead of all those pesky idiots lined up behind you. Return to driving just below the speed limit as soon as possible after the passing lane terminates." Highway 46 in Central California has lots of those folks....
The brake and rubberneck line just kills me. I'll just never understand that.
For 2-lane highways with passing lanes you could add, "Always accelerate about 1/4 mile before entering a passing lane, even if you do decide to stay to the right. It's your chance to stay ahead of all those pesky idiots lined up behind you. Return to driving just below the speed limit as soon as possible after the passing lane terminates." Highway 46 in Central California has lots of those folks....
Posting Guru
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,145
Likes: 0
Here's the rules for driving in Omaha aka Road Construction USA:
1. At a 4-way stop, the truck with the loudest exhaust goes first. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. Blue-haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.
2. To find anything in Omaha, it is required that you know where 72nd & Dodge is. It is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of all directions.
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The
evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
5. Construction is a permanent fixture in Omaha. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
6. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.
7. Never honk at anyone. Ever. . . Seriously.
8. The JFK Freeway, MLK Freeway, I-480 and US-75 are four names for the same road. (see also US-133, Blair High Road, Military Ave., NW Radial, Saddle Creek, and Cuming St.)
9. The Omaha interstate and highway system is intended primarily for cargo-bearing trucks and
resident commuters. Any cars not bearing Omaha
or Council Bluffs plates will be cut-off, boxed-in and caused to miss their exit.
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as: potholes, barricades, dogs, cats, cones, barrels, squirrels, rabbits, deer, pieces of other cars, raccoons, skunks, possum, truck tires, horses, cows and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
11. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 mph in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a hazard and will be "flipped-off" accordingly.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on the JFK/MLK/I-480/US-75 (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Nebraska's
version of NASCAR.
13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
14. The seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, are referred to here as Morning, Afternoon, Evening, and Night.
15. If it is below freezing and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Omaha residents consider this "demolition derby day" and will be all over the
roads (frontward, backward, etc.). Please proceed with caution as you could be the next target.
Once again, we would like to say, Welcome to Omaha, Nebraska. Enjoy your stay
1. At a 4-way stop, the truck with the loudest exhaust goes first. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. Blue-haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.
2. To find anything in Omaha, it is required that you know where 72nd & Dodge is. It is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of all directions.
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The
evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
5. Construction is a permanent fixture in Omaha. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
6. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.
7. Never honk at anyone. Ever. . . Seriously.
8. The JFK Freeway, MLK Freeway, I-480 and US-75 are four names for the same road. (see also US-133, Blair High Road, Military Ave., NW Radial, Saddle Creek, and Cuming St.)
9. The Omaha interstate and highway system is intended primarily for cargo-bearing trucks and
resident commuters. Any cars not bearing Omaha
or Council Bluffs plates will be cut-off, boxed-in and caused to miss their exit.
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as: potholes, barricades, dogs, cats, cones, barrels, squirrels, rabbits, deer, pieces of other cars, raccoons, skunks, possum, truck tires, horses, cows and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
11. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 mph in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a hazard and will be "flipped-off" accordingly.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on the JFK/MLK/I-480/US-75 (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Nebraska's
version of NASCAR.
13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
14. The seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, are referred to here as Morning, Afternoon, Evening, and Night.
15. If it is below freezing and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Omaha residents consider this "demolition derby day" and will be all over the
roads (frontward, backward, etc.). Please proceed with caution as you could be the next target.
Once again, we would like to say, Welcome to Omaha, Nebraska. Enjoy your stay
Post Fiend
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 23,849
Likes: 20
From: McKenzie River
Add this from the Oregon drivers handbook: It is permissible to pace a vehicle in the slow lane while driving in the fast lane for many miles, this allows everyone to enjoy the beautiful scenery, save gas, and get friendly gestures from truck drivers and other motorists when you finally drift back over into the slow lane............It is also permissible to slam your brakes on and come to a complete stop in the middle of the hi-way to view wildlife, naked hippies, etc....Log truck drivers will give your vehicle a friendly nudge if your vehicle is too far into the roadway.............Oregon DMV.
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Posting Guru
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,724
Likes: 1
From: Butler, IN
Update the updates!
I think the updates need updated already. Nowhere do they say anything about cell phone and laptop use. (I don't feel witty right now so I'll let you come up with some good ones!) But I do have this update to be inserted....
"Tailgating is permitted if the vehicle in front of you is playing a movie on their TV that you would like to see. Extremely close bumper to bumper contact is permitted ONLY if it is a **** movie so you can see better." (Go ahead, admit it! You have done this!)
"Tailgating is permitted if the vehicle in front of you is playing a movie on their TV that you would like to see. Extremely close bumper to bumper contact is permitted ONLY if it is a **** movie so you can see better." (Go ahead, admit it! You have done this!)
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Postmaster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,724
Likes: 0
From: Clarksburg WV
A couple they could add to WV's-
1. When merging onto the highway, DO NOT exceed 45 mph. Highway on-ramps are not built to handle anything in excess of this speed. If necessary, come to a complete stop at the end of the on-ramp, DO NOT try to accelerate and merge! This will keep everyone safe.
2. You may notice especially rough roads in town and near stoplights. The large holes and washboard-like surfaces of these roads will help to remove your loose teeth and fillings, as well as assisting in the removal of any parts on your vehicle that are not securely attached.
Ha, sounds like Morgantown...in the span of 2 miles there is one road here that is 19, then Jerry West Blvd, then Beechurst Ave, then University Ave, then Don Knotts Blvd, then Grafton Rd/119.
1. When merging onto the highway, DO NOT exceed 45 mph. Highway on-ramps are not built to handle anything in excess of this speed. If necessary, come to a complete stop at the end of the on-ramp, DO NOT try to accelerate and merge! This will keep everyone safe.
2. You may notice especially rough roads in town and near stoplights. The large holes and washboard-like surfaces of these roads will help to remove your loose teeth and fillings, as well as assisting in the removal of any parts on your vehicle that are not securely attached.
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