1... A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2... Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Michigan driver never uses them.

3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8... Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.

10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.

11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.

15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

18... Learn to swerve abruptly.

19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. (see #5)

23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave the driveway.

26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

 

Evidently some other states have copied the Motor City's lead.

 

So true. Darwin must be on a long vacation.

 

Chicago definately obeys rule #2. I was driving in Chicago with my brother (who lived there) and was trying to get in the left lane with no luck. I had my left turn signal on. My bother said don't do that, put on your right turn signal. Sure enough everone went right and I slipped into the left lane. True Story!

 

Dang now I know where Ga. got there driving rules!!


One of the rules in Georgia is- STOP to make a right turn !!!!!!!!

 

In SC we have a rule, If you can enter oncomming traffic and get your truck straightened out in the lane, the guy that can't stop and plows into your rear is at fault.

Likewise,

If you speed up and nail him in the door, he is at fault.

 

All those rules apply in Ohio also. Especially the rubbernecking rule. One we added is that everytime it snows the speed limit on hiways is automatcly reduced to 5mph.

 

Sounds like just a start for NJ

 

Circle drives. Ughh. I unfortunately still remember my first and probably last trip to NJ.

 

Here is one that we have had for a few years now. If two cars collide and block one lane, the Police take the second lane, the EMS truck takes the third lane and the jerk ahead of you stops for a photo-op in the last escape route.

 

Sure your not talking about Los Angeles...

 

You forgot the one about always turning wide at an intersection and never under any circumstance keep a driveway clear when stopped at a red light or pull ahead to the last pump in a gas station, and make sure to do your taxes and mail before pulling ahead after a ATM transaction and enter the center turn lane fuor and a half blocks before making your left hand turn and when you do use your turn signal, only use it after beginning your turn.

Needless to say, I just got in from Saturday lunch hour traffic - grrrr.

 

Jim, you sure hit my button. pulled into a gas station right behind this other guy, who promptly stops at the first station. We had to pulll around & get lined up on the 2nd pump. Man if he wasn't so big I would have had my wife get out and kick the stew out of him.

 

WOW! I could not have said it better myself. The rubbernecking thing is so very true, but the best part about it is that when you reach "the point of rubbernecking" there is absolutley nothing going on or it's just a small construction crew working on an overpass. I enjoy not letting people out of the closed lane when a sign told them to merge a mile back. Everyday I think about the not pulling all the way up to the first pump at the gas station. In our town we have a very narrow gas station and it is impossble to go around anyone who decides to block all the other pumps. It is such a pain to have to crank the powersteeringless steering wheel on my truck in order to back next to another pump.

 

Amen Seifferlein. I also make it a point to not let those pompous retards in. If they think they're special and can wait till the last minute to squeeze in, they better not be looking over at me. What happened to common sense and courtesy?