How can I do this gracefully?
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Elder User
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 579
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From: Chaparral, NM
How can I do this gracefully?
I'm no weanie, but I must admit that I get attached to things more than I should at times. Like it's even difficult for me to get rid of one of my vehicles, and when I do I actually pine for it and feel odd about strangers being in it. Well ... now that both my parents are gone we must let someone else live in their house and I don't know if I'm going to be able to hack it. I saw that house built for us in 1954 and I lived in it until 1980 (minus a year in the 70's when I lived in Ludlow, Vermont).... plus visiting my parents in it till the end of 2008. To think that someone is going to be taking their place, living in something that's been a part of my life for 55 years really tears my heart up.
A friend of mine that lived in her house for just about that long sold it and moved out of town, but returns to visit her son that lives across the street from it. I asked her if it bothered her to know that other people are living there, and she said that it was no big deal.... so am I just crazy? And since something like this doesn't happen every day for me, is there a formula for toughening myself up for the event?
A friend of mine that lived in her house for just about that long sold it and moved out of town, but returns to visit her son that lives across the street from it. I asked her if it bothered her to know that other people are living there, and she said that it was no big deal.... so am I just crazy? And since something like this doesn't happen every day for me, is there a formula for toughening myself up for the event?
Posting Guru
Joined: Jul 2004
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From: West Valley Utah
The things that made that house your "home" are not there anymore. It's just another house now. Specific people are what makes anyplace, home. For me, if mom and dad aren't there anymore, it's just another place, house, car, whatever!
A personal or special item is not the same as a house. It would bother me a whole lot more if a stranger got dads favorite gun!
A personal or special item is not the same as a house. It would bother me a whole lot more if a stranger got dads favorite gun!
FTE Leadership Emeritus
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 42,085
Likes: 6
From: Lakewood, Ca.
I know what you mean, Michelle. We sold our folks old house last August and I hadn't been near there since. ID's right though - it's just a house now that those that made it a home are gone.
But still............
But still............
Postmaster
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,151
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From: Moonlight Moose Enclosure
Michelle I cannot even come close to saying I know how you feel because the only thing I have had for my 45 years is me. I have no ties to anything material. But I can say that a part of me has said "I need to sell my horse" but the thought of another butt being on him breaks my heart. he is mine. So I keep him. ( dont need to sell him just sometimes would be easier)
Can you live there? Can you make it into an antique store or maybe something else? I am sorry you have to feel this because I know that it has to be hard to deal with. Im here chicca if you need to talk!
Can you live there? Can you make it into an antique store or maybe something else? I am sorry you have to feel this because I know that it has to be hard to deal with. Im here chicca if you need to talk!
Fleet Owner
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 25,090
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From: Rio Rico, AZ.
I went back to the house that I grew up in after leaving for 20+ years.
The people that lived there were decent folks and they let me walk around the yard.
Hardly anything was recognizable except for the big madrona tree that I used to climb as a boy.
The stand alone car port was gone and the workshop building had rotted and been replaced.
The house was a completely different color and appeared to be about half the size that I remembered it being in my mind.
.
When Mom called to inform me that the house was sold and they were going to go full time RVing, it was a shock, but I forced the thought that houses are just material things with no life in them at all.
It is the people that live in them where the true memories come from.
The people that lived there were decent folks and they let me walk around the yard.
Hardly anything was recognizable except for the big madrona tree that I used to climb as a boy.
The stand alone car port was gone and the workshop building had rotted and been replaced.
The house was a completely different color and appeared to be about half the size that I remembered it being in my mind.
.
When Mom called to inform me that the house was sold and they were going to go full time RVing, it was a shock, but I forced the thought that houses are just material things with no life in them at all.
It is the people that live in them where the true memories come from.
Posting Guru
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,290
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From: Edgerton, WI
Id agree with the others who say that the things which made that house, "home" are no longer there and now its just another house.
I know that doesnt make it any easier, but thats how you need to look at it.
While it may not be easy, I think all you can do is accept it and move on with your life.
I know that doesnt make it any easier, but thats how you need to look at it.
While it may not be easy, I think all you can do is accept it and move on with your life.
Temporarily Deactivated
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 526
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From: North Carolina
The things that made that house your "home" are not there anymore. It's just another house now. Specific people are what makes anyplace, home. For me, if mom and dad aren't there anymore, it's just another place, house, car, whatever!
A personal or special item is not the same as a house. It would bother me a whole lot more if a stranger got dads favorite gun!
A personal or special item is not the same as a house. It would bother me a whole lot more if a stranger got dads favorite gun!
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Super Moderator
Joined: Apr 2004
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Be happy for the good times and clean history. Perhaps someone else and another family can make as good out of it.
I'll spare you our story, but lots of folks have lost their homes, seen them destroyed or put to ill use, etc. etc. You are lucky. Enjoy it. You can always stroll by, ask how things are going etc if you remain cordial with the buyer.
Good luck.
I'll spare you our story, but lots of folks have lost their homes, seen them destroyed or put to ill use, etc. etc. You are lucky. Enjoy it. You can always stroll by, ask how things are going etc if you remain cordial with the buyer.
Good luck.
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Elder User
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 568
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From: Quitman, LA
like others said. i can't even come close to what you are feeling right now. But, look on a brighter side. Your parents are living in the House of GOD now. And their spirits are with you in your home. It's ok to keep your memorys of the home that you grew up in. Thats life. Now, it's just a place for someone else. My prayers are with you.
Elder User
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 783
Likes: 1
From: Chicago Area, Illinois
I know how you feel. When my folks sold the house I grew up in i was a little sad, but I got over it. Hopefully if you do sell it, the new owners will care for it the same way you and your family did. Unfourtunately the new owners of our home were not like my family. Our neighbors said that the cops were there almost every saturday night breaking up fights, and eventually they trashed it and were evicted by the sheriffs dept. I drove by it after that and saw the window screens busted out from the deputies throwing their belongings out the windows and onto the ground. That broke my heart knowing that my folks took such great care of it and now it was trashed. Now new owners have renovated it and its for sale again. Good luck with whatever decision you make, hopefully its for the best!
Senior User
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 234
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From: Saskatchewan
Unless you get better renters down there than we do up here; don't even think about renting it. It will break your heart what renters would do to the place.
I would sell it and make a clean break and savor the memories.
I would sell it and make a clean break and savor the memories.
Temporarily Deactivated
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 526
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From: North Carolina
We sold our old family home built over 60 years ago to a church. My dad said he hoped one day the church next door would buy it. Now the place is a haven for winos and who knows who else. I have lost respect for this church but the property isnt mine now and Im not responcible or upset.I wish it would burn down..
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Elder User
Joined: May 2005
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From: Chaparral, NM
Thanks yall for all you words and advice. Actually, it's not being sold.... my sisters friend is moving in and we have to move everything out to make room for her things. So it's like I'll still be a part of the house but I will no longer be allowed to be a part of it the way I used to be. Like, now I can come and go as I please, and sit in there for hours reminiscing if I wish. I'm able to look at the way Mom had arranged the furniture, and her and Dad's clothes in the closet, tools in the shed, car in the driveway, remembering all the special moments, as I'm sitting there where it actually happened. And once this new person moves in, it's all going to look and feel different. It's going to make my parents death more real. I know it's just a house but it's like their spirits are still there and the memories echo in every room, and once someone else takes their place.... I'll have to be reminded over and over again that they are gone and things will never be the same every time I go over there. It's like we're booting them and their memory out or something. But with what I've heard of some of yall's experiences (like the houses being sold, and trashed, etc) I guess my experience isn't going to be as bad as what they went through. So I'm glad I came to these rooms. You have truly helped, and thank you so very much.
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