Need Opinion on how to handle a possible live in parent.

My mother age 57 has medical issues & doesn't make enough money to afford her small ranch home, utilites, medical bills, etc. SHe does not have any money in the bank or inheritance coming either. My sister & I are paying her mortgage in the meantime. Here is where it gets hard. My sister is married with 2 kids & they are planning on building a new home3 bedroom home. I have a girlfiend & we are living in my small house & we too are planning on building a new home too becuase of the need for us.

I know my girlfirend does not want my mother to live with us nor do I. But I do not want her to end up bankrupt & on the street either.
I am working with my sister on a solution but as it stands now we both are going to have hefty bills of our own not counting on our mothers mortgage too which could bankrupt both of us.

I am considering making a provision in our house plan to put a small apartment in the back of a new detached garage when I build my house.
This would keep mother form intruding on our day to day lives in our home + she would have eveything she needs in the apartment & she would just need to help out on the utilites.

Am I going about this the right way & do any of you have any other suggestions.

 

Did something similar with my father (as far as housing). Bought a house and put an addition on it as an in-law unit.

You would need to watch out about building two dwellings on the same property as the zoning in your area may not allow it. They didn't here, and that's why we had to do everything as an addition, and it is physically attached to main house.

Good luck to ya and hope you can get things worked out.

 

I'm sure you mom wants to live with you as much as you want her to live with you. A seperate apartment in my opinion is probably the best way to go. She will still feel like she has some freedom and not as intrusive.

Good thing us moms didn't have to make these tough decisions about raising our kids. I dread the day I may have to rely on my son.

 

how about sell her home, and take those proceeds plus a few bucks from the rest of the family and rent her a small apartment somewhere and have a hospice service if needed to take care of her.

where i live at there are lots of older folks who do this, my apartment complex is full of them, and its low cost of living also.

 

Does your mom own her house? Maybe it could be sold to help finance the new living arrangement. Take some of the burden off of you. Would your sister consider doing something similar? Grandma gets to spedn more time withthe grandkids and mom and dad get some babysitting out of it. Probably a win win for both.

 

Several options:

1) You and your sister pool yor resources to buy a triplex or four-plex. Rent out all but one apartment. This shoudl carry the majority of hte epxenses. Mom sells her house, moves into one apartment, and uses her income/capital to pay a small rent that covers the remainder of carrying costs. She gets independent living within her financial means, you get your homw to yourself without mom living with you, AND you now own an investment property that will pay down its mortgage all by itself while it gains in value. Only downside, the investment may postpone your renovations/building a short while. Downside for your mom is that some seniors are uncomfortable giving up their home - they feel insecure renting.

2) Either of you build an addition onto your house with a totally independent entrance and living space. Mom sells her house, moves in, and pays a minimal rent.

3) Mom sells her house and moves into a retirement home. She uses the proceeds and whatever income she has to pay as much as she can. You and your sister make up the diffference. May turn out to be less expensive for you than paying her mortgage, she gets a nice place to live with other people her age and maybe some care.

4) You and your sister finance the renovation of her home to have a small apartment in it, which she/you then rent out. The income pays the mortgage and she can continue to live in her home. This "apartment" may be as much as a full independent apartment in the basement, or just a kitchnette in the corner of the largest bedroom plus sharre the living room. You gotta choose your tenant real careful -like find another 56 year old single lady. Maybe she has girlfriends looking for such a place?

 

I forgot to give you a little more info, since the question came up from bf250 & caford dude.

We got her a subsidized loan 2 years ago with no money down, this was the only way she could get a house with 3 bedrooms @ a similar payment & to keep from throwing money away by renting. If we sell the house the Mortgage/Hsg Loan Co will get the loan paid off & since she has only lived there for 2 years she will hardly have any proceeds to put down on another place based on equity. Mom is not bedridden or nothing like that she just has to go to the Dr alot due to sickness, & other womanly problems & the medical bills keep stacking up.

I am working with my sister on this to see if this would be a possibility to let mother live with her but with her having 2 kids, full time job, & all the other things that go along with raising kids I do not want to burden her further unless she insists. Good point though !!

 

An add-on to the garage would be good since it would be ground level. Or a mother-in-law apartment above the garage designed with an elevator. You can't assume 10-20 years from now she can still make a flight of stairs or when sick.

When doing this, do it with an eye for renting it in the future with a separate electric meter and paved parking space to the side.

You will have to include the water and sewer hookups to your own because I imagine separate ones would be $3-$5k extra.

Remember to make a small utility room for a stacked washer/dryer somewhere.

Run 50 amp 230v to the garage so you can run both a welder and a electric dryer.

> she would have eveything she needs in the apartment & she would just need to
> help out on the utilites.

How much utilities can one woman use? I would avoid making your mother pay for anything.

You will never regret taking care of your mother, even if it means a second job. Which I am sure it will not.

> they are planning on building a new home3 bedroom home

imo, Bad move, most houses are a minimum of four rooms and if they ever have to sell it, only three rooms will greatly reduce resale value.

If I could make a suggestion. You might find it cheaper to design or build a house with a walk in basement apartment completely separate from your living space, even if you opt not to join it by a single hallway or stairs.

Different electric and water meters, combined sewer. It would make renting it out later or over coming building restrictions easier depending on where you live.

 

What about a reverse mortage on your mom's house?

 

Maybe she should sell her house and then buy a nice travel trailor.......That way she can come to either house and live in it and feel she has her own space....The money left over can be saved untill she may need more care. Note It not wise for her to have alot of cash because the cash would have to be spent (on certain alowable item) before she could qualify for and SS related home care........I know from experience

 

I face much the same situation (mom lives a stone's throw from Carlene). I am fortunate enough to have a large enough home that she can move in with us (which is just fine with me as mom's are a great thing). However, she's not too keen on the idea. Where I begin having a problem though is that she would like for me to buy her a house up here (and of course all that goes with it) and I'm not quite 'that fortunate'.

 

You need to be at least 62 to qualify for a reverse mortgage.

Steve

 

A reverse mortgage is not an option, she has a subsidized loan with no money down + she has only lived their 2 years thus she really doesn't have any equity. She is not old enough anyway. It was a good thought.

 

I would design a room on the back of the house for her to live in with a separate door etc...
I would do that for my mom....if she were still alive.

 

The wife and I have been taking care of her mom for 3 1/2 years now [ she has alzheimer's]. The other "kids" wanted to send her to a nursing home, but I wouldn't hear of it! The time we've spent with her is priceless. I salute you for wanting to take care of your mom. To many children don't want to be "bothered" with the care of their elderly parents................