TOOLS EXPLAINED - OT not Ford Trucks
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Laughing Gas
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,239
Likes: 53
From: Coatesville, PA
TOOLS EXPLAINED - OT not Ford Trucks
This was sent to me and thought I'd share this with my Truck friends.
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TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints
and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you
to say, 'Oh sh --'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit
into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used
to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
use.
Son of a bitchTOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
Garagewhile yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.
================================================
TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints
and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you
to say, 'Oh sh --'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing
race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit
into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of
the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used
to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
use.
Son of a bitchTOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
Garagewhile yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.
Hotshot
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 13,552
Likes: 79
From: Manhattan, KS
I could add a couple to the list.
Mig Welder: used to create holes in metal while trying to eliminate holes or connect two pieces.
Crescent wrench: used to round of nuts and bolts while smashing fingers and knuckles
Impact wrench: used to break bolts or to securely fasten lug nuts so that no amount of use of the sonofabitch tool will loosen them.
Feel free to add your own.
Mig Welder: used to create holes in metal while trying to eliminate holes or connect two pieces.
Crescent wrench: used to round of nuts and bolts while smashing fingers and knuckles
Impact wrench: used to break bolts or to securely fasten lug nuts so that no amount of use of the sonofabitch tool will loosen them.
Feel free to add your own.
Lead Driver
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,669
Likes: 13
From: San Jose, CA
I could add a couple to the list.
Mig Welder: used to create holes in metal while trying to eliminate holes or connect two pieces.
Crescent wrench: used to round of nuts and bolts while smashing fingers and knuckles
Impact wrench: used to break bolts or to securely fasten lug nuts so that no amount of use of the sonofabitch tool will loosen them.
Feel free to add your own.
Mig Welder: used to create holes in metal while trying to eliminate holes or connect two pieces.
Crescent wrench: used to round of nuts and bolts while smashing fingers and knuckles
Impact wrench: used to break bolts or to securely fasten lug nuts so that no amount of use of the sonofabitch tool will loosen them.
Feel free to add your own.
Hotshot
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 16,882
Likes: 3,126
From: SE Wisc. (the Rust Belt)
You have overlooked a large part of these tools, the manufacturer. The one I am talking about is the largest manufacturer in the world. They make everything from the smallest staple to entire automobiles, and more. I'm talking about F***in' company. I can't count how many items they actually build but almost every time I talk to some one, mostly guys, they own a tool, truck or something made by this company. I've told my wife many times that I would like to invest in the company. Not only do they make their own products but they also private labels for all of the other big companies. Many times some one will tell me about their F***in' tool or part and it will have "Craftsman" or "Ford" or another major manufacturer label on the side. I just find it simply amazing one company can make so many different items.
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Hotshot
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 13,552
Likes: 79
From: Manhattan, KS
Hey Bob, now that you mention it I've heard of them too. I just didn't realize they were into everything in such a big way. I had always thought it was just an expression.
I ususally refer to them when I'm in the garage and can't find a tool and say "Where is that...."
I ususally refer to them when I'm in the garage and can't find a tool and say "Where is that...."
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Posting Guru
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,138
Likes: 2
From: Marietta, Ohio
You have overlooked a large part of these tools, the manufacturer. The one I am talking about is the largest manufacturer in the world. They make everything from the smallest staple to entire automobiles, and more. I'm talking about F***in' company. I can't count how many items they actually build but almost every time I talk to some one, mostly guys, they own a tool, truck or something made by this company. I've told my wife many times that I would like to invest in the company. Not only do they make their own products but they also private labels for all of the other big companies. Many times some one will tell me about their F***in' tool or part and it will have "Craftsman" or "Ford" or another major manufacturer label on the side. I just find it simply amazing one company can make so many different items.
i needed a laugh after today.
Senior User
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 403
Likes: 0
From: Syracuse, N.Y.
TOOLS EXPLAINED - OT not Ford Trucks
Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.....
Many years ago in shop class, I had a piece of wood get thrown by the table saw. You just brought back the memory of me s--tting my pants as that piece of wood got shot into the wall behind me.
I would also add the lug wrench. I was trying to rehang my wife's spare tire on our N----n Pathfinder as it was rusted, the tool came around and hit me right one the forehead. Blood, concussion, overnight hospital stay, scaring the crap out of one's children. The funny part was the paramedic saying to the nurse at the ER, this guy hit himself in the head with a wrench. Her reply: On Purpose?
LMAO...
Jeff
Many years ago in shop class, I had a piece of wood get thrown by the table saw. You just brought back the memory of me s--tting my pants as that piece of wood got shot into the wall behind me.
I would also add the lug wrench. I was trying to rehang my wife's spare tire on our N----n Pathfinder as it was rusted, the tool came around and hit me right one the forehead. Blood, concussion, overnight hospital stay, scaring the crap out of one's children. The funny part was the paramedic saying to the nurse at the ER, this guy hit himself in the head with a wrench. Her reply: On Purpose?
LMAO...
Jeff
Cargo Master
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,337
Likes: 165
From: Harpswell Maine
In redoing my shop this fall I just patched the sheetrock from such an incident years ago.
Posting Guru
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,138
Likes: 2
From: Marietta, Ohio
This one of the reasons the interior walls and ceiling of my shop are plywood covered with the same kind of metal they use on metal buildings. Too many flying parts and fireballs over the past forty years.
Later Folks...