Shamelessly stolen
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Cargo Master
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,476
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From: Frequently frozen MN
Shamelessly stolen
The following was shamelessly cut and pasted from a thread at clubhotrod.com/forums -- but I don't think that they will mind (I'm old enough to remember these folks, and I can just hear them saying these lines)
/////
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares
and its comics, this may bring a tear to your
eyes. These great questions and answers are from
the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show
responses were spontaneous and clever, not
scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions,
of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as
5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at
a party and you think that he is
attractive, is it okay to come out and
ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish
as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three
words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't
Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture
more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any
during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics,
what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the
bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag
his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what
would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never
be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything
wrong with getting into the habit of
kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying
to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of
time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car,
the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually
seen them on at least two occasions. What
are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
/////
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares
and its comics, this may bring a tear to your
eyes. These great questions and answers are from
the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show
responses were spontaneous and clever, not
scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions,
of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as
5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at
a party and you think that he is
attractive, is it okay to come out and
ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish
as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three
words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't
Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture
more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any
during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics,
what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the
bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag
his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what
would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never
be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything
wrong with getting into the habit of
kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying
to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of
time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car,
the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually
seen them on at least two occasions. What
are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
Posting Guru
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,420
Likes: 3
From: Langhorne, PA
theres a good rep point coming to you ford2go
After the Hitler thread back there, I needed a good laugh.
I cracked up at every joke and could picture the comedians/comediennes faces as they were zinging these out
After the Hitler thread back there, I needed a good laugh.
I cracked up at every joke and could picture the comedians/comediennes faces as they were zinging these out
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