JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) wasin his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

And my Favorite...

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... This particular Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
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OMG, roflmao,

 

Here's somemore.


THE FOLLOWING QUOTES ARE FROM A NEWSPAPER CONTEST WHERE ENTRANTS AGE 4 TO 15 WERE ASKED
TO IMITATE "DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY":

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he
better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
Veronica - Age 5



I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm."
Unless it was just a lawn mower.
Steven - Age 11



I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine
that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source
of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier,
the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are
water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
Timmy - Age 13



I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my
dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away
all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
Bobby - Age 14



I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is
why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who
wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
Brandon - Age 15



My young brother asked me what happens after we die.
I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms
eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--
that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--
but I didn't want to upset him.
Allen - Age 10



It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we
would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on
July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
Linda - Age 8



As you make your way through this hectic world of ours,
set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year,
you'll have a couple of days saved up.
Ricky - Age 7



Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that
part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Anthony - Age 10



Home is where the house is.
Jenny - Age 6



Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
Susan - Age 15



It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into
an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if
anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
Chris - Age 5



Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace
to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
Jason - Age 13



I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Thomas - Age 13



For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
Nancy - Age 6



Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five.
Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's
five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
Michael - Age 6



The only stupid question is the one that is never asked,
except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited
my return?" or "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a
warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
Jay - Age 15



Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a
man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's
not like he really needed them, right?
Dennis - Age 15



I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular
a singer as some people think he should be.
Then, I remember it's because he is a lousy singer.
Cynthia - Age 15



If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene
and quiet it would be until the looting started.
David - Age 15

 

wow... that's all I gotta say.

Ryan

 

one of my neighbour's kids once asked why we never mow our lawn. i looked at his dad and laughed. boy was he embarassed.

 

Kids will say the most amazing things...

 

Smart kid, right there...