March BS thread
FTE Leadership Emeritus
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 47,280
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From: DELAWARE, The First State
The Irish Prostitute
An Irish Daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff .... dad .... I became a prostitute "
"Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad .... as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye,daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in the country club..." ... (takes a breath) ... "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ..."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff .... a prostitute, dad! .... sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old dad a hug!"
An Irish Daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff .... dad .... I became a prostitute "
"Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad .... as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye,daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in the country club..." ... (takes a breath) ... "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ..."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff .... a prostitute, dad! .... sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old dad a hug!"
Post Fiend
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 18,157
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From: Stanton DE
Mexican Oysters
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's ********* from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's ********* from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
just another Rockwell looser
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,042
Likes: 0
From: Cocoa, FL
Originally Posted by phil6608
Mexican Oysters
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's ********* from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's ********* from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Post Fiend
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 18,157
Likes: 0
From: Stanton DE
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Post Fiend
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 18,157
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From: Stanton DE
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all working together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each on you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ."
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our our precious land."
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Texan says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet
thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable."
The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill it with water."
__________________
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each on you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ."
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our our precious land."
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Texan says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet
thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable."
The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill it with water."
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From: Greenfield, MA
Hey Matt...what's up??? Congrats on the truck photo victory...nice Bronco. I didn't vote for you...however...one of our New England guys was in the contest...had to throw him my vote...I think he finished 3rd.
New User
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1
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hey guys,
i have a 05 king ranch 250. I thought that i could avoid gettting a toolbox but as much as i use my hand tools it seems that i need one. I am looking for a tail gate tool box. i want to lose as little as possible on my bed space. If anyone knows a link or who makes one that would be greatly appreciated. Any other ideas would be great too. thanks
i have a 05 king ranch 250. I thought that i could avoid gettting a toolbox but as much as i use my hand tools it seems that i need one. I am looking for a tail gate tool box. i want to lose as little as possible on my bed space. If anyone knows a link or who makes one that would be greatly appreciated. Any other ideas would be great too. thanks
