Soooooo after nigh on to 22 years it looks like our marriage may come to a close. Last night the Mrs. told me she is leaving. A bit of a shock but I knew something was up after her trip out to Vegas. Doubtful anything extra-marital occured out there, but she has felt as though I have kept her from being herself and her time in Vegas allowed her to realize that.

Over the past few days she has secured a second job (didn't know about it till last night) which will help her to save up enough to move out and pay rent etc. She's even found a place to stay and has a female roomie. Our relationship has never been a super wunnerful one, but not all that bad either, but I reckon I was just keepin her from bein her. So we'll see how this thing plays out. I still care for her and this pretty much sucks, but if I am making her miserable enough for her to move out, then mayhaps it's supposed to be. The split will be ammicable, I told her she can take anything she wants and will even help her move. In a few days we'll split the cell phone account and bank accounts. What I don't want is for people to dog her for what is happening. So far I have only told one person.

What really sucks is that I need to let our son know. He's 21 so there will be no custody issues, but I still don't want to have to tell him. Maybe a few more Sam Adams...

Anywho, kinda long, a little venting, and fishing for some advice I reckon. Nothing like a kick in the pants to get your week started. Thanks for the ears!

Rich

 

Would counseling help? Maybe a visit with your pastor? How badly do you want to work it out?

 

"but she has felt as though I have kept her from being herself and her time in Vegas allowed her to realize that."

this is my opinion and hate to be outright blunt because i really feel for you but........the quoted statement just means she wants to screw around.

when women say key words like "freedom" and "be myself", it means sex with someone other than thier spouse if they are in a relationship or sex with anyone and everyone if single. also another word is "want to party" which usually applies to single women which means want to have some random sex with whoever turns them on that night.

good luck.

 

My wife left about 2 months ago. I've been leaving early, getting home late for work... and she decided that I was cheating on her. We tried the counseling and all, she still packed and left. We split everything in half and I've learned in this amount of time that..... I don't need her to live. I want her, but I can still make it on my own after all this time. Seemed like the end of the world that 1st week, but I've had time to think on it since then. If she can't trust me at this point, she never will. My 2 cents doesn't add up to much, but sometimes a shoulder really makes a difference.

 

your son may already know whats going on

 

My son took it fairly well. We'll see how the next few days go. More'n likely I'll talk with our pastor this week. Shoot fire I hardly don't know what to think. Hate when I get to them points when I just don't know what to do. We'll see and will keep you posted.
Thanks again,

Rich

 

dont be such a nice guy.. splitting bank accounts and all .. its always amicable when things go her way and once she gets a lawyer well Robin Williams said it best.. "Divorce from the latin... to tare a mans heart out through his wallet"
my advice is to document everything and make her sign off on a seperation agreement quickly and make sure that she cant fanagle things that if she cant pay her rent you dont get put on the hook for it cause you are still legally married
its all business now and there are no friends in business
ive been divorced for years and the other day i had a law firm try to get me to pay her bills from years back when we werent fully divorced yet ...
keep your head far away from your heart

 

sorry to hear about it bud,you are not alone on this one,talk to ya son if its amicable it will make it easier for him to cope,beware tho i would still run it all by a lawyer,woman can make us look small when they get nasty.Good luck mate hope everything turns out allright for ya.

 

I would agree that I would try to get something in writing now before she gets a lawyer and also starts talking to other women and find out what she can get. I have sister in law that was in such a hurry to get rid of her husband that she took whatever deal he gave her.
If she is out for greener pastures then power to her and don't beat yourself over it. Would much rather be on my own that have to have a woman that didn't trust me or thought there was a better world out there.

 

Hey Rich, sorry about your trouble.

Been there, done that. When my wife said she was leaving, I told her to think about it long and hard because if she left I never wanted to ever hear anything about her coming back. Ever! That got through, even though she did leave. And I am really glad that I said that because there were times when she wanted to come back, hinting around which I ignored. Just was not convenient since by then I had other irons in the fire.

I don't know what's right for you, but I did something that worked right, saved me a lot of grief so I thought I would share that with you.

Bruce

 

I agree on this, and allow me to add to it.


I won't get into the nasty specifics of my divorce (from wife #1.)
But, IF you have joint bank accounts, what you remove before a separation agreement, you keep. (Trust me, she will take what she can get!)
Keep this as CASH and do not open another account until you have a separation agreement. IF you have another account, she can ask for 1/2 of it.
IF you have a savings account, remove ALL but a few dollars of that, too.
Believe me. . . . your wife will access these accounts, IF her name is on them. Been there. Done that.
Cash is easily hidden or 'stashed' away.


Also, if you have any joint credit cards, close the account NOW and write (don't call) the CC company, and let them know that you will NOT be responsible for ANY portion of the debt that was incurred by your wife!
(Or, you can write the CC company and state that you will NOT be held responsible for, nor will you pay ANY portion of the balance!)

Trust me on this. . . . this is to protect YOU.
(My first wife ran a credit card up to $10,000.00 and closed the account and told them that she wasn't going to be held responsible. Guess who had to pay for HER new furniture!?!?!?!) That's right. Me.

In Maryland, we have what is called 'Family Use Community Property'.
What you acquired together is 'open season' on who removes it from the family home, first.


I understand how hard it is to end a marriage after you spend your life building, but, your wife has a 'support group' with her 'new room-mate'.
I'm not a betting man, but, your quote (above) just said who her support group is. (Or possible other relationship!) Don't be surprised, is all I'm sayin'.

Lastly, don't be surprised when she asks for (and gets) 1/2 of your retirement and any Social Security pension that you are entitled to, up to the point of divorce decree.
She won't be entitled to any part of it that you earned before the marriage, but, she WILL be entitled to 1/2 of it, after the wedding vows were spoken.
(Protect your retirement benefits IN WRITING in any settlement agreement.
A good friend of mine went through a divorce, and when he turned 55, his ex-wife started drawing 1/2 of his pension, and he couldn't afford to retire! He wound up dieing on the job!)

Stay strong.

 

the sun will keep comming up as always and you will hurt for awhile. The transition period will be hard at first but you will eventually get into a new routine. You're not alone when it comes to problems at home.

 

Also be careful with you SS#. She can get credit through your # and you won't even know it until it's too late. There is a service out there that notifies you when someone is trying to use your SS#. Look into it!!!!!!!! Wish they had it when I divorced.
Been divorced seven years now and just finished with the last law suite against me, because of her. Oh yeah, We split on good terms also. Trust me, NO SUCH THING!

 

I divorced in 1989 and had two young children at the time. I came out on the raw end of the deal and paid child support on my kids until the youngest graduated high school. That's what the divorce papers stated and when I went to court to stop it, she tried to tell the judge that I still owed her money. He told her to take me to civil court if she THOUGHT I owed any more money but as far as he was concerned, I was through with my end of the divorce.

But she is till bitter after all these years, according to my daughter who just turned 30. I'm doing good now and it bothers her. At least that's what my daughter says!

Point is, life goes on and even though it may seem tough, stuff works out. Did for me.

In a nutshell, at almost 56 years of age, I'm in a relationship and very happy......she's still alone and unhappy! See? It all works out!

 

Ditto on that! The only difference is you are much older than me.
I'm only 54.