A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking.
he puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
" Mom look I`m a white boy."
His mom slaps him in the face and says " go show your father."
He goes to his dad in the living room and says " look dad, I`m a white boy."
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says " go show your grandmother."
The boy goes into his grandmothers room and says " Mira, abuelita, I`m a
white boy."
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says " Now, did you learn anything from that experience?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did.. I have only been white for five minutes
and I already don`t like you Mexicans."

 

haha thats a good one!

 

oh the ironey

 

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference
that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and
French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a
large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those
countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their
drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans
learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked,
'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences
rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe its
because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you
wouldn't have to speak German'
You could have heard a pin drop!

If your reading this, thank a Teacher, if you enjoying the right to
read it thank a Service Man

 

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
> toughest tongue twister in the English language

 

Man did you ever hit that on the nail head

 

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.

 

comon john now your telling old lady jokes >>>> showing your age again lol

 

thats was good

 

I should have changed the the old ladies to old men. just for you Tim.

 

Man, I'm really enjoying this joke thread idea!!!!!

 

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an *******.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

A Green Bay
Packers Fan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on
his cell
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of
drinks
for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical
Green
Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby
can
weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Packer Fan just shrugs, 'That's about
average
back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Green Bay baby
boy.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of

'WOW!'. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy
pains.
>>
>>
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The
bartender says, 'Say, you're
the father of that typical Green Bay baby that
weighed 25 pounds at birth.
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd
be in two weeks. So how much
does he weigh now?' The proud father answers,
'Seventeen pounds.' The
bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little
suspicious. 'What happened?
He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was
born!' The Green Bay father
takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel's beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt
sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly
says, '...Had him circumcised!'

 

alittle longer and harder it would have been scrambled.

 

lol to all, but sgt hit the nail on the head.