Stole these from a post on f-16.net. They're from 2006, and may NOT all be true -- but they're all funny! Sorry if they're repeats, but I haven't seen them anywhere else.

These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year are ...

Eighth Place ... In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place ... A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place ... While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place ... Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place ... Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place ... After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION ... Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP ... Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS ... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves ... 'S*#t happens'


ford2go

 

Hilarious.

 

Some of those are pretty funny, I'm always amazed at how dumb some people really are. The only one that I have heard before was the third place one. I've always wondered why a bunch of people hanging out in a gun store were able to fire 47 shots and only hit the guy 23 times.

 

23/47 from 7 different guns is actually a pretty good hit percentage in a high-stress situation. Most people have never had to return fire, so are not accustomed to the adrenaline rush that can really mess with one's aim.

Hitting the 10 ring 50/50 times at 25 feet at a shooting range wearing hearing protection is one thing. Doing so with a moving target, no hearing protection and 6 other people shooting inside a building gives you a few more physical and mental obstacles to overcome.

Jason

 

Good point Jason, I never thought of it that way. I guess it would be a pretty stressfull, not to mention loud situation to be in.

 

I'd be really surprised if that was anything other than a suicide attempt. Ok maybe only somewhat surprised.

 

im crying here about the winner and having sh** happens on him,lol

 

i think they are all excellent examples of cleansing the gene pool.

 

Don't cry too hard (and not to be a 'spoiler' here), as it appears this and a few of the others never happened.

Snopes.com

 

Party "pooper".


Pete

 

Well, I've never fired a gun inside a building without hearing protection, but the first time I ever fired my .45, I did so outside without any. By the time the first clip was empty, I could barely see or think straight--the shock of it all was too much. Since then, I do occasionally fire without hearing protection and other than a little ringing afterwards, I'm able to keep my wits about me--better preparing me for what I hope to never have to do.

Jason