fellro,

Please don't misunderstand. . . I wasn't saying or even implying anything with regard to your post, other than SOMETIMES and (in my case) MOST of the time, my ex was a PITA.

With that said- - -
I agree 150% about the ex not going to be too happy about someone/anyone else 'moving in' on his former wife and especially, the child.

After almost 20 years, my ex's current husband and I are ALMOST friends. We are on very 'friendly' terms, and we both agree that MY daughter's health, safety, happiness and well-being are the most important things. . . in spite of my ex!
(Here's a shocker. . . my ex had DEMANDED that MY daughter call her step-dad, "Dad" and call me by my first name! Ha! Fat chance!)


Now, I too am curious as to exactly what has drawn rmalottwtes30 to this young lady, so quickly. (GREAT point, Dennis!)

rmalottwtes30. . .At 20 years old, just remember this:
There are as many women in the world as there are buses. And just like a bus, they are all different.
Some have small seats and are built for speed. Some have wider seats, that are comfortable for a longer ride. And lastly, some have really wide seats, just as soft as a sofa, and are built for the lonnnnnnnnnng haul!

So, with that said. . . . deciding which 'bus' to ride can take forever. . . or, you MIGHT find the one that is the most comfortable (for you) in just a few short years.

Again. . . GOOD LUCK!!!! You are gonna need it!!!

 

I absolutely agree that 2 weeks is nowhere close enough time to figure out if it is a lasting relationship, 2 months is not even enough time, and the child is that age. I too, have many questions and concerns in regards to the timeframe of things, and feel it better to step back and see what really is going on, like Ken said in another post, the little head very well may be doiing the thinking. Gotta watch some of these women, as they can be very manipulative, and turn on the charm until they have you locked down, then the real person shows through... (speaking from experience...)

 

I think you should pretend she has the black plague and the family has another horrible communicable disease.

Why do you INSIST on making your life difficult? Do you have a job? School? ANYTHING to keep you busy???

If you get out of school and land a fat job somewhere, you will wish 90% of your paycheck went to you and your wife for savings, vacations, new vehicles, and fun for a little while. As it stands, if you even make it out of college, then all that money will be going to her, medical expenses, and feeding that kid. You are going to end up paying for her mistake in a big way.

You seem a lot like a family member of mine...settling for significant others. Instead of finding someone worthwhile, has a job, can support them and a family, they take the first person that gives them the time of day. As a close member looking from the outside in, its a bad bad bad situation, except they arent smart enough to see it.

 

Just because a person uses a pet metaphor doesn't pull much weight with me If they are willing to try to make it go then best wishes. Who knows whos good for who? My wife was not good for me to some people but 12 years later she is right here. And I couldent be happier. Sometimes you just never know.



Jeff

 

Jeff,

The young man asked for advice and you gotta be careful about what you ask for because the truth can harsh. The truth is that two young people who can't even afford to live in their own place, one of them with a new baby and recently divorced, is a recipe for disaster. I'm willing to bet if he asked his parents for advice on this matter they'd tell him something similar (assuming they are accomplished in life).

Just because you spun the barrel and won doesn't mean everyone will, especially with 5 of the 6 chambers loaded.

 

Ken the statement you made about "recently divorced" made me wonder. Is she divorced?
That can throw a can of gas on the fire.

 

I will second this 100% percent. Don't just walk, run. There are plenty, and I mean PLENTY of girls out there without the potential problems you are facing here.

Trust me on this one. Let her go.

 

dueling banjos

 

I was a thinking of an episode of: Trailer Park Boys

 

Some very good advice from most, but I just had to make sure NH-Hotties was seen again.

The single-mom worth your time is the one who is so wrapped up in making her life work and spending time with her kid that she barely has time for you. She won't NEED you, and you gotta work hard to win her!

Run young man, run.

 

Great advice, all. However, if you are determined to make this work out, good luck to you. Don't put a ring on her finger for a very long time. Good on your part that you have spoken to her dad. That should go a long way in earning their (the parents') respect. One more thing: You gotta make everyone believe that the child is as important to you as the mother. Should the ex disappear, you may be the only dad the child knows- relish in that fact. Fatherhood is a blessing, even if the child is not yours, biologically speaking. I know that my sons stepfather would do anything in his power for them, and I have a great deal of respect for him (not necessarily in his choice of women, but that's another story). I have 2 great sons with my ex-wife, and their stepdad is partly responsible for that.


(Fender banjo)

 

i don't think you need to be making deals with the dad. it sounds like you and this girl just met, and you're already getting dragged into her family business.

i think a lot of the guys here are fathers and have their own kids, and can appreciate that you stepped up and showed respect to the dad. but my opinion is the best respect you can show him is just let him do what he needs to do to get his girl back on track.

if she's married and had a kid, or had a kid and got married or whatever, then she's emancipated and allowed to make her own decisions.

her dad's rule for living at home is no relationships, that's his rule and his right to make those rules for anyone living under his roof. and he just wants her to get the divorce straightened out which is exactly what she needs to be doing. not leaving loose ends that are gonna alow this guy to be hanging around "his kid" for the next 18 years.

and last thing her parents need is to become the babysitter while she goes out and repeats the same mistakes that got her into this mess in the first place.

girls are great at making up stories too. they know we're programmed to come to their rescue when they start to whine and make their big eyes.

the worst thing you could do is try and be some kind of hero and marry this girl, or let her move in with you, and take away dad's power to straighten her out. you just become an enabler.

don't let them use you. if this girl loves you she'll make the effort to sneak out and take care of you. you just keep living at home, finish your education so you can get a good job, and don't let her use you to run away from her mistakes.

 

This guy, and Ken, and Dennis and Websthes, some others and now me, are all telling you to
RUN!!!!

run hard , run long, and run fast. You are being MANIPULATED, If you don't know what that is, look it up quick in the dictionary. What's more, you are STARTING off your relationship being manipulated. Women usually sneak that in bit by bit over the years, until you can't do anything without their say so, or approval and one day you wake up and wonder where that came from.

One more time, for the learning impaired. RUN AWAY!! NOW!!!

 

This is like where you have been going out a while, or married and then one day you are standing in the women's department by the dressing room holding a dress, and a purse. Then all of a sudden you that feeling and think "HOLY $#%@, WTH JUST HAPPENED?!"

Except YOU already have a purse...

 

Yep exactly.
Or you are picking up sanitary napkins for her at the drug store, and EVERYONE is staring at you...then the checkout girl calls for a price check, just for a laugh... you wonder
"How did I get here?"

I've seen that poor hapless sucker at the store before, thanked my lucky stars I wasn't him..