Pete,
Id say good job standing up for yourself. sounds to me like you did the right thing showing him that you wont take his ****. i wish i could do that somtimes with my dad, but he is a dairy farmer and i think he could beat my ***.
-bigdaddyII-
I really hate to say this but after reading this it seems to me that you deserved that slap. So, maybe your dad was just having a bad day and jumps on you for something (whose dad didnt), instead of leaving well enough alone you continue to smart off to him and even after the first warnings of getting your *** whipped you continue to spew off at the mouth. ~~~~
ya that was back in the day where u would get a 2x4 in the face for saying that. this is 2006 where kids swear to there mom and dad. id say pete held back a little compared to most kids today.
id get out of there IMO. just to show that you really dont need his help. i wouldnt even ask to come back unless you really had to do it.
but just my .02. {no i dont speak from experience, but thats what id do}
Mitch

 

Okay guys, here goes the rest of the story. I posted the first post after i got to my GF's house. He called me back shortly after and told me to come get my stuff within 1 week or it would be sitting outside. My brother also called and told me that dad made him come downstairs and start helping him pack my stuff up. My brother was moving some totes and he set them down and dad told him to throw them down not set them down. (the totes with all my apt dishes). So great, i figured he was probably going to wreck all my stuff. I still had my truck at the house too, since i drove my car to my GF's house. So i had my GF drive me into town in her car, and my mom called me and told me that dad went to my grandmas house in the next town over (like 10 min drive) to get the mail. So me and my GF went up to the house and i backed my truck in and started loading stuff up. Grabbed pretty much everything and started to get ready to leave when he pulls up in the driveway.
He didnt calm down at all really either. He came up to me and i knew he was planning on starting something. I tried my best to withold the smart alec comments, and he started walking back inside the house and then just stopped and looked at me. then started walking back towards the car and started ripping on me again, i let a few more smart alec comments fly and we started another fight. Mom called the cops, they came, i told them i just wanted to grab some stuff and leave and dad was just like going crazy telling the cops that he wanted me gone like right now, they told him to give them 30 seconds, that pissed him off.
I got all my stuff loaded in my GF's car and my truck and left. He was saying he was going to press charges and all this stuff. Went back to the GF's house. He also kicked my mom and her mom (my grandma) out of the house and my brother, so the only ones at the house were him and his mom (my other grandma). My mom and my bro spent the night at a hotel and my grandma went with my uncle to his house. Well, my dad being unable to really care for himself properly, now has to care for his mom too. This pretty much drove him crazy and he changed his tune pretty quick. So on sunday morn. my mom called him and he was still being mean, but her and my bro went home anyway, and he was going on about all this crazy stuff like telling my mom and my bro that they werent getting any of his money, and they were'nt going to get any money from the sale of my grandma's house or anything (that was probalby the least thing my mom and my bro even care about). so they left and got another hotel and let him calm down some more, well, they went back home on sunday night and he was okay.
he also called me an apologized at about 3 PM on sunday. I told him he got what he deserved and he wasnt getting an apology from me, and i would call him in a week if i decided to change my mind. I was still pretty mad but on sunday night i came to some realizations and stuff. I am sorry for hitting him, there's been alot of time's he's pushed me and stuff, this time i just lost it. But me hitting him back and pushing back doesnt make me any better than him. The problem is i have his temper unfortunatly. Today i wrote him a 3 page note telling him that i'm too old to be pushed around anymore, but i am also too old to keep being a smart alec to him. It sounds like he wants me back to the house and he was talking to my mom about my grad party and what she was goign to make for it and stuff today, so apparently he wants me back. I told him in the note that i would only come back if he promised that next time he gets mad, he takes a step back and puts things in perspective, if he can promise me that, then i wrote i could promise that he would never hear another smart alec comment from me again when he is mad, and i would do my best to help resolve the situation. I love my dad, he can really be a great guy, but on days like saturday he just seems like a totally different person.
Thanks guys, i'll keep you posted on how things work out. And bigdaddyII no one deserves to be pushed and hit over anything, especially a $14 gas hose. I was wrong for hitting him, but he was also wrong for pushing me. All i want is some respect, i'm his son, not some piece of crap he can push around at his own will, and i'm moving out in 2 months and 16 days. I'll be working 2 jobs this summer for about 50-65 hours a week. I think i'm old enough to deserve some respect myself. I'm certainly too old to be pushed around any more. Again, thanks guys/gals

 

I'm glad you have the clarity to see that. It's funny how people show the least grace with their loved ones. I know all about tempers, I had a nasty one when I was 17. I punched my best friend for making a comment about my truck, it was stupid. My folks got divorced when I was about 8, my new stepmom was an alcoholic drug addict, and was abusive. My dad is manipulative, mom deserved better, it was rough living by ourselves. And my stepdad (whom I respect, he loves my mom) and I didn't always see eye to eye, AT ALL! But in those circumstances my temper got out of control, one day in a rage I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw. I still have a temper, but i refuse to be violent, I've never had a fist fight solve a single problem for me! Remember that the only person you can control is yourself, and you have to respect yourself enough to do what you know is right, no matter what other people say! If you can reconcile your relationship with your dad I say do it, you only have one dad. But you may have to realize just as I did, that you can love him and still want better from yourself, recognize his faults and use them as lessons.

 

Yeah, i talked to him today, i wrote a 4 page letter to him explaining my feelings and telling him i was sorry and equally guilty and stuff. He called me about 8 tonight and said i was welcome back and stuff. I think i'm going to hang out at my GF's until saturday and just avoid seeing him to kind of make him miss me maybe a little. In the letter i told him that it was a 14 dollar gas line that started all of it. The problem could have been solved by stepping back, figuring out that a 14 dollar gas line was needed, and buying a new one. Instead he freaked out, lost his temper, pushed me, kicked me out of the house, caused my mom and my bro to rack up 2 hotel bills, get the cops called to our house, had my uncle come pick up my grandma (on my mom's side) and my mom had to give them money for gas.

He's still s\icking up for himself on the gas line thing though. He said its not the money that made him mad, its the fact he needed something and he wanted to use something of his but wasnt able to. Hence its all my fault that somehow 11 months ago a gas tank wound up on top of a gas line and pinched it and it sat outside so long it got all hard and nasty. This is the reasoning i want him to change. You dont wait until fishing opener morning to go out and see if your boat is ready to go especially after its been siting for over 3 years and the only time it was used was 11 months ago by a teen age kid. I dont think he has any right being mad at me. Its not like i neglected to take care of something and got it wrecked. When i got back from that trip i took the cover off the boat, washed it out, cleaned everything up and sat the cover aside to dry. After a couple hours i asked him if it was dry enough for me to put it back on the boat. He said yeah it was, but he was going to use the boat so i shouldnt bother putting anything away, and there it sat for 11 months. Now this is all my fault and started this huge brawl. He will never accept the fact that it was an accident and no one is to blame. He always has to assign blame. Like for example, if he cant find the remote, its my brothers fault and he lost it because my brother was watching TV a few days ago. Or if he cant find his keys it my mom's fault because she cleared the table which is where he put them. Nothing is ever his fault or nothing could ever be an accident. I hate this quality in him.

 

In a way, I understand where he is coming from in terms of his stuff being damaged. I don't know bout the rest of you folks, but in MY garage, if I set something in a place, by God, it better not be moved/touched/damaged/broken/stolen/used-in-place-of-a-tool/chewed-on/drove-over or ate. If I go for it later and it's not where I had it, ***** hit's the fan in a hurry. I have a system whenever I do something and if something screws with it, I get very upset.

But being in your shoes, I understand that it was a $14 dollar gas line. And no you didn't mean to crush it or whatever with a gas tank. It happens. If it were me, I would have hung the gas line up out of harms way, knowing it wasn't mine, and then found a place for the gas tank.

Now don't get me wrong. I can see your point of view in terms of not understanding why he went off the deep end. Sometimes it's just how people are and the only thing that can change them is the little blue pill! Or wait... I don't think Prozac comes in a blue pill. Hang in there buddy! You'll be fine!

 

My dad and I have got into a couple scouflles, We're both hardheaded, we end up rolling around on the ground.

I see where he's coming from, and I see where youre coming from,

IMHO Your dad, being the older, wiser, more mature, parent was wrong in kicking everyone out.
You were wrong in punching your dad....
Sometimes tempers flare........

 

Sorry, but don't count on it. My dad is much the same way, everything is someone's fault and none of it is ever his fault. I've hit my dad between the eyes (metaphorically) with some pretty direct accusations, and in the end his logic is still his logic, it's as immobile as a mountain. Rather than waiting for him to change, I'd say the healthy thing to do is recognize the qualities you don't like in him as an example of how you want to be a better man, how you want better for yourself and your wife/kids some day. No one's perfect, you just have to do what you know/believe to be right, and learn to accept what you can't change. There's my nickel's worth of free advice, take it with a grain of salt, I'm no more perfect and no less confused and lost than anyone else, just saying I can relate.

 

Yeah, your right on the fact that he will never change. I can honestly understand him getting mad if he took care of his stuff too. When he mows lawn he just lets the lawn mower sit outside where he shut it off (we built a garden shed for it). Or when he trims he leaves that lay around too. He left the trimmer sitting on the picnic table all winter long through all the snow/rain/ice and everything. When he works on something he usually does it on the kitchen table, gets half way done with the project and leaves it there, then we go a couple days eating around it, and my mom puts everything in a basket and asks me to bring it downstairs. I bring it down stairs and set it aside somewhere. There's probalby about 8 baskets laying down there with miscelaneous tools in it. Then when he opens his tool chest and doesnt find his crescent wrench laying there, he yells at me and accuses me of taking it and losing it. Then i go around to all the baskets and find the crescent wrench, and he says that he put it away last time he used it and i probably planted it there. You see why i get a little upset? All i can say is 2 months and 15 days before i'm out, and i cant wait.

 

I'm not blaming you for being angry at all, most fathers/sons don't get along on a daily basis. I just hope you don't let your anger and bitterness ruin your relationship with him, cause right or wrong, good or bad, he's your only dad. But I do think you are wise to get out, the best way to heal familial wounds seems to be to get away and let time do the rest, wounds that are kept open can't heal, I know, I've made the mistake of trying to "make" it work with my dad, but you can't him, and it can't all be your fault. Good luck out there.

 

wow this sounds a lot like my father and me, except i havnt had the cahones to go off and hit him in anger, yet. somedays he can be the best and somedays he can get on my case and keep badgering me about things, and somedays he goes off and hits he or slaps me or pushes me, but all those times i just turn a blind eye to it. i know he loves me but he ha the same temper as me but he is a recovering alcoholic, hes been sober for nearly 20 years after nearly dying, but i think there is still a lot of stress still going on inside of himself. just stick with it buddy and do what you need to do to keep your brother, mother and girlfriend safe and out of harms way.

 

Man this is similar to what i am going through. My dad is clinicly insane though. He has been in i think four or five mental institutions in the last year. He was a major alchy and so was my mom. they were fighting one night and they thought no one was home. I was downstairs working on my carb for my 79. I heard my dad screaming he was going to hit my mom again. This was the first time i had the ***** to stand up to him hitting her. I called the cops then went up to knock him out. he just ran downstairs to the cops and wouldnt fight mee. A few weeks before he had whipped me about 20 times for failing a class and then it came to punches. Needless to say i dont live with him anymore and we dont talk. I wouldnt go back man. I would try to work out the problems but not go back. I tried going back a few times when every thing seemed allright over a beer or two. But after something like that happens they never seem to let it go. you will deal with ths till the day you leave. I know from experiance. Good luck man
Dan

 

Yeah things are going pretty good now. He's so wierd though. Its like one day he's cool, the next day he can just be an ***. I dont get it. Some crazy mood swings....

 

Pete,

You have to understand he's your father. I know if he would die you would feel bad even though he had the craziest mood swing. You have to take into consideration that you and your father are identical. You think he was happy hitting you, I hope you werent happy hitting him. Don't be an A*$&#(( cherish your father despite how grumpy he is. I can't believe how many people here agreed on you kicking his ***. Don't you feel bad hurting your family. You should be their for your father now that he is around because later when he's gone you'll wish you still had something to fight about. I sometimes get frustrated at my father when he tells me how to do things I ve been doing all my life. I listen to him and agree, but i still go about my ways of doing. You guys can't be mad at each other forever. Forgive and forget. Maybe you should stoping coming around his house for a while until he starts missing you. That's the problem, and yes, He was having a bad day. Just bear with the man that gave you life cuz I know you'll encounter that when your a father. Just my two cents, take it or leave it.

 

Yeah, this thread is actually kind of old. I've probably been moved back in for at least a month now. We have forgave and forgot. He's actually been alot cooler now since its happened. He hasnt freaked out at some missing tools. No i wasnt happy hitting him, like you said i'm my fathers son, just like him, he gets pissed, looses his temper, pushes me, i get pissed, loose my temper, hit him. Sometimes unfortunatly things like this need to happen to bring fourth a realization. and it did for both of us. I"m glad people agreed on me kicking his butt, it wasnt the right thing to do on my part, but I am 19 and am not going to be pushed around like a child anymore, and he needed to realize that.

 

Pete, that's good bro. I had it like that with my father when I was your age. I'm 27 now i'm boy I'm I happy to still have him around. He's had 3 heart strokes and currently has a pacemaker. He has glaucoma on both eyes and is almost blind. But I regret ever wanting to punch him out. IT's the age bro, your young. I still disagree on kicking his *** even though you could. But that's good you guys are getting along.

Frank
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