I have some situations that I wanted some feedback on, concerning my parents. They, more so my mom, are on the over protective side. Due to my parents worrying, I wasn't allowed to drive until last year (I'm 21 BTW) It was so embarrassing being 20 and not having a license. They told me they didn't think I was ready. Now I'm still living at home, going to college (the college is a 10 minutes drive from home per mom's request) I wasn't thrilled about the choice, but they ruled out all my choices because they were "too far away." Some other things have come up where my dad kinda pokes fun because he thinks I am not doing something the "right" way. Anyhow, I am making the best of school for the moment, and trying to to complain and let this bother me, but sometimes it still does. I don't know if anybody else has been through this, but any help on how to deal with it would be appreciated. And I'm not being ungratful or selfish by any means with my parents, I just wish they wouldn't treat me like a child.

 

That is REDICULOUS. Not having a license until 20?!? That's unAmerican and ubsurd! Tell your parents to find a damn life.

 

Ranger,

You don't state weather you are male or female? Are you and only child?

But anyway, your parents are being over protective, because it is their job to take care of you and they are worried about losing you.. They probably fear that you will get in an auto accident or fall in with the wrong people.. It is tough to understand when it is happening to you, but when you are a parent then you understand how they feel.. I know I have 3 kids. 1 is living on his own, the other is away at college (45 minutes away). I too did not want her going to far away so I could be there if she needed me.

What you need to do is sit down and discuss this with your parents. either seperately or together which ever you feel more comfortable with. Ensure them that you understand their concerns and that you need to make your own way and your own mistakes if you are to learn about life and the world..

Talk is the best option so all parties understand the other..

What ever you do don't try taking the easy way out by running away.. Some like my older brother joined the Navy. Others have gotten married because they think then, they can make their own rules.. Then later they find out they made the wrong choice and realize how good they had it.


Hope this helps

 

I went to college with a kid who's parents wery very conservative / religious / overprotective. He was homeschooled because they didn't want him to have any negitive social influences.

I do know some kids who didn't get liciences untill they were 18 or 19.

Do your parents ever think you're going to move out?

Are you an only child?

 

I am a parent and I worry about my kids to no end. But, I am not one the hide the world from them, I prefer to educate and let them make thier own decisions. You are old enough, if you can afford it, to do anything you want, just remember your parents love and care about you and they do worry. You on the other hand need to act your age and get driving asap, you'll need the practice, driving is essential in this day and age.

 

Yes I am an only child and am a male. I don't think they really want me to move out. And as for hanging with thw wrong crowd etc. They know me well enough, that I won't do anything bad like that.

 

Money. Get some money. I agree with the advice to sit down with your parents and try to talk to them, but if that doesn't work (and give it a lot of time and patience...), you should work on getting a full time job and the resources to get out of that environment. Do everything respectfully and sensibly, but honestly, if you are in that controlling an environment by the time you're 21, that doesn't sound healthy for you or your parents.

Of course, I say that not really knowing you or your parents.

 

Your parents do sound overly protective, for whatever reason. However, life is a series of decisions and sometimes there are risks associated with the outcome of decisions. Your parents were probably worried that if you drove when you were 16 that you would get into an accident and get seriously or possibly fatally injured. This age group, as a whole, has a notable percentage of accidents, mostly due to taking risks as well as simply a lack of experience. Your parents know this well. But nonetheless, sheltering you doesn't really solve things, it just delays them. You now have a license to drive and your experience level is comparable, to some extent, to a 17 YO. Not to panic, it's just how it is and that will change over time. We all had to rack up miles and really, the vast majority of young drives do not get into an accident.

I really don't know what you could tell your parents, but one thing here is painfully clear. You are 18+ years old and as such are legally an adult. You can enter into legally binding contracts, you can legally own a motor vehicle, you can purchase and own real estate, depending on the laws of your state you can purchase and own firearms, and now that you are 21 you can buy all the booze you want. You can also choose to attend the college of your choice and NOT the parents. Mom and Dad can NOT stop you. This is YOUR life and NOT theirs to live. You only get to live once; make the most of it. With this in mind, go buy yourself a friggin car/truck of your choice and that fits your budget. If they don't like it, tuff. Remind them (nicely) that when you turned 18 you are an adult (as I noted above). Somehow, I sense that they tried really hard to do all the right things for you; you can't fault them for that. Really, I don't think they are trying to hurt you or hold you back, they are just paranoid that you will go out and do something stupid and pay heavy a price.

**When I was 16 I wanted a street bike real bad and I had the $ to buy it. No dice, parents said no and I couldn't do a thing since you need to be 18 to legally own a motor vehicle. What did I do? Soon after turning 18 I went to a Yamaha dealer and bought a brand spanking new one and rode it out the front door of the showroom. I rode it home and planted it right in the middle of their driveway . Their threat about kicking me out of the house if I bought one never did come to be. In fact, over the months that followed they got used to it. But one thing they were right about, even though they never found out; I tested that thing and broke it in real well.

 

My parents were over protective but not as bad as some are. I did get my license when I was 15 but was limited on where I could drive to and so on. As soon as I turned 18 I got the he!! outta there. Didnt blow over too well with them, but after a couple months they saw that I was alive and doing well and capable of taking care of myself they were okay with it.

 

From what I have seen in my life, the overprotective parents just drive their children away faster and ruin their relationship with their child. I guess there is a fine line though, having a kid that run around getting into trouble or the kid that can't fend for themselves with out mommy and daddy.

I know that I was well on my way by the time I was 16 but I knew where the boundries were.

Good luck with your situation Ranger.

 

Sounds like you need to get out and earn a few minor mistakes.

That's how you learn.

You're gonna make mistakes, no way around it.

I'd talk to your parents and tell them how you feel.

Don't forget, you're past 18, so you're legally emancipated.

Things will fall in place.

Maybe the school counselor can help.

I'm sure this is more common than you realize.

 

Old guy- and parent of three teens here. I'm sympathetic to both sides- very much so. For two of the kids, we pretty much decided you can't hide them from the world and what it has to offer- good and bad. You hope you instill the right values in them so they can make the right decisions. The third kid is a special case- she's blond, cute... and autistic. We're extremely protective of that one- and have some good reasons too.

Tough to be a parent these days- but also tough to grow up in these times as well.

 

A heck of a lot worse could happen to you by age 21 than having a stable home where you're welcome and loved and parents who care.

Keep this in perspective. This is not a case of gross injustice or personal injury. At most this a case of too much of a great thing. Don't go blowing it apart by listening to advice about being p'd off and rebelling against these fine people. There are mature ways to become an independent man without alienating such valuable parents.

 

Man i moved out of home when i was 15, I didnt let my parents or anyone else "boss" me around and do things like tell me I cant drive. If you want my advice I would say its time to move out, and if you cant afford college, bring up the idea that you might have to quit and get a job, see what your parents think of that. Hopefully they would see that they want you to get a higher education and give you some freedom.

 

Hmm, Couple of things. You're over 18, legally you can do whatever you want. 'Till you move out, nothing is going to change. If you're not ready to move out on your own then you're going to have to live by their rules still. If your parents are paying for some of your bills, (food, college, housing, clothes etc) don't be suprised they expect to set some boundaries. In the extreme case, with you living under their roof, if you get into trouble, they can be held financially responsible. Think about that, would you want to be sued for something your roomate did because you have the cash and he didn't?

Untill you strike out on your own, you are still their baby in their eyes and the only way the know to show their love is to be protective. When you leave it allows the dynamics of the relationship to change. They won't see you as an independant adult until you are independant. To that end, can you afford to move out on your own? Cut back on some classes, get a scholarship, find a job with a company that has tuition assistance (home depot is one), join the military and get in on the GI bill, get a room mate, etc. There are a lot of ways to strike out on your own. Figure out which one will work best for you.