Please bear with me as I'm still rather under the influence at the moment. On a previous inspection I realized that changing the oil on my new truck was going to be a MAJOR hassle as the filter is jammed in between the exhaust manifold and the front differential. So to avoid having any difficulties, I decided it would be a good idea to have a beer or two before hand to make the job "seem" easier. Well...2 turned into 4 while I waited for the engine to cool. (Note: this is the first time I have ever had anything to drink before working on any vehicle.) Here are the things I learned tonight...and maybe one or two others I learned at other times throughout my life:

1)The most impossible of tasks suddenly seems childplay
2) Hot, dirty engine oil hurts much less in an open wound than originally expected
3) Funnels become infinitely valuable when you are adding expensive (Mobile 1) fluids to your vehicle
4) Tow hooks are not only useful for towing Chevy's. They are great hand holds for towing your drunk butt underneath the vehicle while laying on a creeper
5) Never go passed "the point". I almost always drink one too many Bud Lights and end up tossing my cookies.
6) Drinking is much easier for men. "Breaking the seal" is much more difficult for women, especially when in the middle of the desert while camping.

I'm sure I'll remember more as I become sober. Or maybe not... How about you?

 

Okay Buddy,
Pull over !

 

Whhaat sheems ta be da problem offisher...

I may drink...but once I pick up a beer I put down my keys.

 

i don't have a drinking problem!
i drink
i get drunk
i fall down.
no problem

 

Other people learn stuff when I (used to) drink. One time, my buddy learned that if I say "I gotta yak," it doesn't mean I got a long haired buffalo living in my backyard.


"Oh really? Whaddya feed it?"



"...corn..."

Thanks to Ron White for loaning me that one.

 

Never email your CEO at 3 am after drinking a case of beer......

 

It's not the fall that hurts you....It's the sudden stop at the end.

 

How can I be drunk if I'm still drinking? And yes I do think I'm superman.

 

I haven't been drunk in more than 20 years, now.

Too much going on and too many people remember what you did, when you don't remember anything. (Is this good, or bad?)

I have pickled too many brain cells over the years. I can't afford to pickle any more.

 

you want some thrills, try drinking and mowing the yard

 

As an ex-sailor, I do my share of drinking. I think now it's time to get sober. This crap get's expensive.
Al

 

I learned theses lessons many years ago

*can throw darts very well
*the other end of the shuffle board looks all fuzzy
*make sure the women your putting the move on, husband or boy friend is'nt around (that hurts)
*don't go to the cop shop and report a stole tire when your druck( that floor was cold)
*I learned your better off staying away from that fire water, its really a bottle of trouble

 

actually, i was drunk for 24 years, but have not had a drop in over 5 years now

 

I've defenitly learned that the best food after drinking beer is Taco Bell. Get someone who wasn't drinking, have them run up to get like 30 taco's and your set.

- Chris

 

Thing I've learned while drinking? First and foremost put down that Bud Light. That stuff will kill you. You cannot drink just one or two before working on something. Somethings looks much easier after a few. If you break something, who cares, drink another one. You can always finish your job the next day. You can tighten things way tighter than need be, like to the breaking point. It damn near imposible to but a tire on with an open beer in you hand. If somebody ask you to drink one for them make sure its the last one so you can blame them for feeling like ***** the next day. Chevy's look good. The list could go on forever.