Don't you usually learn more things after the hangover subsides?? heh heh heh

 

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group is improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as you know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster, more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

 

LOLOL i like that last one... even though i dont feel smarter after beer. i usually dont feel smarter till after i do something stupid and live to tell about it. stupid like trying to climb a flight of stairs while my friend who just drove me home is laughing cuz i'm crawling on my hands and feet. when i get to the top, i feel smart cuz i did it and didn't fall down. stick out my tongue and start digging for my apt key ...

 

This has been my drinking rational for years.

 

1. Chicks who you wouldn't talk to sober suddnely become dangerously attractive.
2. putting in a pinch of any kind of dip results in seeing your dinner and tasteing stomach acid. I'm a 4 year veteran of smokeless tobbacco, and i still can't dip drunk and keep it down.
3. when everything looks dizzy, stop drinking to prevent puke puddles.
4. my 4x2 f150 is a mud boggin machine...for a few seconds.
5. bring extra for the "I'll pay you back tommorrow" guy.
6. I'm very violent on tequila.
7. falling to sleep in bed is 19 times easier.
8. dont buy expensive beer because it all makes you feel the same. !go natural light!
9. when playing "beer pong" dont bet, and make sure you have a experienced partner to play on your team.
10. you feel like an arnold schwartzenegger/john claude van dam combonation.
11. once again, most females look very attractive, make sure you know how good they look when sober, then tell them they can sleep inside the Ford with you! nothing like waking up to some "not the best looking" girl next to you, with the battery dead because she was playing some "romantic/slow" music all night.
12. I have learned while drinking, when you sit down and kick back a few cold ones, then stand up, it hits you hard!

 

One major thing I learned from watchin my dad drink up until I was eight was NOT TO DRINK! Not even a sip.One memory that stuck in my mind all these years was one night my aunt came over to spend the night with my cousins because her husband was drinking and I herd my dad come up to the bath room.Next thing I herd was mom tell my aunt to keep us out the bathroom..then I herd somthing fall.Well I wandered off into the bath room..dad had pulled down the shower curtian and was passed out inbetween the toilet and tub.Aunt had to come get me n tell me he was alright.Ever since then I've been against drinking.Kids souldn't have to see that....

 

Unless it's a water bed, then you just sleep on the floor.

 

"Don't drink and surf (internet), you never know what might show up on your door-step."

That from my brother. I think Brown Santa brought some stuff he didn't quite recall ordering :-)

 

very very true. I dont even bother to sleep on waterbeds, even sober, let alone drunk! Everything starts spinning and bad stuff happens.

, , , , ,

 

I learned the "Puke Prayer" real quick.

"Dear God, please don't let me puke.
And as long as I don't puke, I'll never drink again."

I also learned that God doesn't grant us our Puke Prayer. We puke anyway.

 

Back in my navy days, I used to try to drink all the beer in Olongapo City. But they just kept brewing more.

 

Campfires seem to have a black-hole gravity type effect when walking close by one.

Having beer when everyone else is out is a good way to make friends.

 

I do not go camping without some form of alcohol or another. It's usually a pretty big list because every one of my friends prefers a different type of drink. Bud Light for my heavy drinker friends, Smirnoff Ice/Mikes Hard Lemonade/add your own candy drink for the girls, then I like a good import beer. Dos Equis Special Lager is my current favorite. True about the campfire. It tends to be the focal point of the night so I (while still sober) try to arrange all the vehicles in a circle around the fire.

 

A person can not pee while laying on their back in the middle of the road way without getting wet themself. What goes up must come down.

When peeing in a public parking lot, turn it off before getting into your truck. The smell takes awhile to go away.

Do not go cow tipping when drunk. For you might put your hand some where that it shouldn't go. And if you think that it is choclate icecream afterwards, then you have had way to much to drink.

Don't try and make out with your friends girl friend when he is around. You can ruin a friend ship. Unless you thought that she is a twin.

An unopen beer can in a fire will explode. The same can be said about a fly in a microwave. Don't try the later one using your moms microwave. Even if you clean it afterwords.

Don't try to go to the bathroom while drunk and you are kneeling in front of the toilet. Both lids up will come down and cause pain. Trust me, this I know.

Never let your brother take you to see your parents while they are at a town gathering and you are drunk. Small town, many people, you getting your butt kick by mom in front of all. This is another story in it self.

Never tell a girl that you love her when you are drunk. They will remember this and you won't.

Tom

 

To curb the vomitting, you need PRACTICE!

After a few years, you'll be able to drink yourself stumbling drunk and not wake up with your face stuck to whatever surface it was on when you fell asleep. I was 24 or so before I got control of my stomach

DO NOT drink and run your motorcycle in the garage, even if the dual pipes are sticking out the door. When the carbon monoxide detector goes off, it sounds like music and you ignore it. When the flu symptoms start because the CO was at 650PPM (death in 45 minutes), your wife/gf will suspect you drank too much and threw up because of it. It's only midly satisfying to convice her it was the CO and not the alcohol. Why else do you think my face and the rest of my body was the color of my red highboy? Of course, one led to the other, so she still looks disapproving at you as you wipe up the bathroom floor. It would have been better to die, then the doctor/medical examiner can explain to your wife/gf the reason you died and it wasn't because your liver exploded. Of course, there's that cause-and-effect again.

DO NOT promise anything with even the slightest bit of alcohol in you. The next day you'll realize you offered to hold your friend's wife's leg while giving birth ... or hold the camera. Niether of which will help your friendship (that last is made up, but I have promised to do other things that I knew were just plain WRONG the next day