Time to grow up.
<HR style="COLOR: #020618" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->To start this off, My father had a servere heart attack two days before his 46th birthday. He was alone in his house and called 911 on his own strength Nobody knew about the situation until around three that afternoon, when we recieved phonecalls. Everyone rushed to the hospital to se him and talk to the cardioligist there. The cardiologist told us of two arteries that were 100% blocked, and the fact that he went into cardiac arrest more thatn twenty times before becoming stabilized.

Two days later was his 46th birthday. At work the day his heart attack happened, not knowing anything about it. I mentioned to a co-worker that I was planning to have a BBQ that Sunday, which was Dad's birthday. God must've wanted us to be outside that day because it was sunny and 72 degrees. I think a small part of me died that day, because he couldn't be there. He was completely sedated for the entire time he was in the ICU.

Two weeks had passed and he had developed servere pnumonia a few days after being there. His heart had healed, but there was so much fluid in his lungs that he wouldn't be able to get enough oxygen. He ended up being on a resirator for the rest of his life. He had his good days, where the nurses told us, they were able to reduce the respirator to it's minimum setting and were able to reduce the sedative. Then his bad days started. He would need all the respirators power, and the least bit of stimuli would send his blood pressure through the roof. His oxygen levels would drop too.

Saturday March 19, 2005. My mother found a doctor that told it like it was. This doctor mentioned that he knew my father had gne without oxygen for over 15 minutes and had suffered over 50% brain damage, and would be living in a nursing home even if he survived. My mother called my wife and I to come to her house. We all sat on her bed and it really hit me hard when she said,"We'll bury him in that new suit." Than new suit was the one he had bought for my wedding last summer. He looked so nice in it.

We went to the hospital to take Dad off the respirator and say goodbye to him. My mother, both sisters, mother's parents, my wife and I were all at his bedside until the end. They took him off the machine, and he sounded so bad. I think his lungs were hafl full of fluid. The nurse gave him some medicine so he wouldn't feel anything. He laid there looking like a fish out of water for the last few hours of his life. Blood pressure and heart rate were way up and his oxygen levels were down. We all held his hands and talked to him saying how much we loved him and were going to miss him. Then my grandmother founda hospital chaplain to read some prayers with us. After he left, I noticed his vital signs were dropping to very low levels, and I told my wife it would not be long. I then hugged my father, and said, "I'll take good care of Mom for you" He died within seconds after that.

I think he was waiting for me to say that to him. The thing is, I don't feel grown up. I feel like a kid trapped in a grown mans body. Being only 25 I think I just took on a ton of responsibility, taking care of my mother, two sisters and my wife. I guess it's time to grow up!
<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

 

So sorry for your loss.

 

Real life.... Damn, but sometimes it hits hard.

Just do the best you can with the situations you face. That is all any of us can do. You will have good and bad days as well through life. The bad days are the ones when you lean on the folks that love you, and the good days are the ones when you let those who love lean on you......

Take care of yourself too, you can't be there for someone if you are not on top of your game (mentally and physically)

Jim

 

I am real sorry for your loss. That is a hard thing to come to grips with. Please take care of yourself.

 

My sincere condolences on the loss of your father, F15. If it's any consolation, I passed the big five-0 mile marker a while back and still don't feel grown up. I think most of us feel like children when we are faced with life's most difficult moments. But like my mother always said to me whenever I'd talk with her about some problem or other, God won't burden any of us with more than we can handle.

May God bless you and your family, and most of all your father.

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

My dad is now 80 and suffered some bad health over the last 3 years. He's lived to be the oldest person in the history of our family. He worked until he was 74.
My dad has always been the strongest man that I have ever known. Never complained about anything, until his fall. He was in the front yard, clearing debris from Hurricane Isabel (2003) and broke several bones.
That stubborn man didn't even go to the hospital for 3 days. He didn't want to 'inconvenience' me, to take him! He looked like he had a tree dropped on him!
Broken left shoulder, hip and left wrist.

Losing my dad isn't going to be easy. My dad has always been my best friend and confidant.

I know how much of a loss you must feel.

 

I had to take care of my mother and brother when my Dad got murdered back in 1989. Its part of life eventhough it sucks. I hope things will look brighter for you.

 

I'm really sorry for your loss... I can't imagine having to go through something like that!

I "take care of" my 16 year old sister, for the most part, even though she lives with my parents. (It's a really complicated situation). I know it isn't the same, but some advice... don't act older than you are. When someone wants support from you, they appreciate someone who is strong and able to control situations (for the most part), but also someone with compassion and humor. The hardest thing for you will probably be trying not to become critical. Try taking your mom golfing, for example (but only if you two play), and spend an afternoon together. You don't even have to talk about it, just enjoy something together that doesn't involve a lot of distractions.

Just remember that you are as strong as other people see you act and that's what is important... the more you believe it, the more true it will become. And don't sell your family short... You did tell your father you'd take care of them, but part of taking care of someone is giving them room to make decisions on their own. It's really easy to lose patience when you're stretched to the max, which is how I imagine you feel right now! I hope you feel better!

 

I concur with what moebdick said...

It has been proven in my life,
no matter the circumstances,
you are never given more than you can handle....

I know, I know... me too !!!
I must be stronger than I ever thought given some of my life !
a loss of a 53 yr old father and a 16 yr old son is more than I wish on ANY person.... especially me.

But you can find strength in those around you and those above you !!!
Unfortunatly,
it will never get better....
it will just get "less worse" as time is your friend...

This should be a reminder to all of us,
that we are not here forever,
only for a short time and we need to make it COUNT !

my prayers are with you !
remember the good things and continue your help of others in your family...

 

From what I see in your post you are man enough already. Lost loved ones are part of life, some day it will be us that pass leaving our loved ones behind.
Good Luck, God Bless!

 

I'm sorry for your loss. I know my grandfather could pass on us anyday now. He beat lung cancer back i think 3-4 years ago, came back and had 3 open heart surgeries within 2 years. the past year, he hasn't had any major problems. I've been up to see them about once a month, I live2 hrs from them and attend college and work on the weekends, if I could be up there everyday, I would. When I have been up there, some days he acts like nothing is wrong, others he looks and acts like he is on his death bed, we weren't really close up until about 5 years ago before all this hit him, he and i never really got along, but now, whenever i'm up there, I just love sitting there listening to his stories and his opinions, etc. It's going to hit me really hard when he finally does pass.
Just remember, when it gets tough, do as was said above, lean on your loved ones, and when they need it, let them lean on you. Kinda like a tripod, when one leg falls, the rest fall. You just have to stand strong. My prayers are with you and your family. Good Luck, and God Bless.

 

First off very sorry for your loss, been there. Just remember your dad is in a much better place now. This story reminds me of what my favorite uncle said to me on his death bed(he just retired at 62), he said treat every day as if its your last!!!

 

F15TERWITHA6TER...i'm so sorry to hear of your loss...lost my father (actually my step-father..but he raised me)...2 years ago...he had cancer..and he stayed at home up until the very end,and that's where he was when he passed...and it was a very similiar situation as your fathers...very sorry to hear man..just know that i'm sure that everyone on here would help in any way possible if you need to talk about anything. Just try not to let it get you down...i know thats alot easier said than done..and even after 2 years...i miss him like crazy,and there's some days that it's worse than others...but it will get easier..but you will always miss him..

 

My dad passed in Feb after a long steady decline. He was at home, surrounded by the people he loved, that loved him and not in pain. When it's time, we have to let them go. It's part of life, we deal with it in our own ways. We should never deal with the passing of a loved one alone. We need to be strong when others need us and allow ourselves to need others to be strong for us. At his funeral service, we played Native American music and burned sage. As we were leaving, two redtail hawks circled directly overhead and then were gone. It was a mystical experience.

 

Dang man, you will be in our prayers.