You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to
the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in
the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are .....

1. According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

2. In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.

3. A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

4. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

5. Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
the floor.

6. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.

7. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

8. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.

9. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.

10. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


RUNNER UP:
11. TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham,
"is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

12. Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany)
fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper
under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46,
was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded on him. The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him,
he lay under all that dung for at least an hour beforea watchman
came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
one of those freak accidents that proves that "Poop happens!"