[updated:LAST EDITED ON 04-Jan-02 AT 01:52 PM (EST)]Wow, I hate to say this but this is very typical of a teen. He is obviously acting out due to the fact that his natural father is useless when it comes to a role model and discipline. He is reaching out and acting out when it comes to you. His mother has given up (probably due to exhausting any and all options or methods she has tried). This is understandable, and normal in this type of situation.
Remember when dealing with a teen, that yelling tends to shut them out, the minute it turns into an argument, is the minute he stops listening (hearing). Try your best as a family to keep the communication line open. He will talk when he is ready, just remember to listen and hear what he is saying, read between the lines, and don't judge him on his conversation. Try to see and understand what is bothering him.
Try setting limits (a contract per se) sit down with all parents and agree on a basic contract (let the boy help - within reason) if he feels he has input on the situation then he feels that he has some control. Make sure that there are set discipline measures when he gets in trouble (ie: if you blow it then this is going to happen).
He is also turning to his peers for advice! He is obviously hanging with a bad crowd, and they are giving him advice that is not helping matters. Take control and know who his friends are, go out of your way to get involved. Limit his involement, there are many ways you can limit, without restricting. He will hate this but it is for his own good.
Finally, I would suggest getting some outside help, this will get much worse if not dealt with now. Sometimes a teen will talk to someone else, rather than you. Start at the school, they usually offer counseling. If you have exhausted that go outside for help.
Good luck in this situation, my heart is with you.

Deb

 

Stepchildren can be such a joy can't they?

I have six stepchildren. Fortunately 3 of them are now adults and live on their own!

I have a 14 year old that really is a good kid with the exception that I have to be his personal chauffeur. He almost always misses the bus home from school so I have to get him after I get home from work. It's not that far out of the way but it is an inconvenience and now with the cold weather he is often stuck out in the cold for a long time. He imposes too much on his friends that live close to the high school...

The other problem I have with the 14 year old is that he get's jealous when I give affection to my wife (his mother). He has even tried to sabotage our marriage because of this jealousy so I have purposely avoided any affection in front of him. I have not told this to my wife because she would be severly pissed off is she thought I was accusing him of any wrong doing.

ah yes.. stepchildren are wonderful aren't they?


My truck wears a blue oval too!

 

If you want to know something. I FIRMLY believe in hands on disciplin. In other words...when he acts up grab a belt or (as my mother would do) a cooking spoon a go to it. I was raised on that principle and I firmly believe in it. Im my opinion that's what's wrong with the kids today. Their parents have no idea what disciplin is. This time-out crap and all doesn't do a thing. You need to show them who's in control. Don't let them yank you around. Just my $.02


1978 F-150 flareside. Primitive by todays standards but she was a jaw dropper back then. :-staun

 

I agree with 1ole4d..I think most of us were probably raised that way(the majority anyway). And on occasion have used this method myself. We all learned at an early age to have great respect for our elders. Something I have expressed to my children from birth.
But on occasion, there are children that no matter what method of discipline you use, it doesn't help. You have to find what really matters to them, and what they are so angry about, before you can begin to resolve the issues at hand. Beating the cr#p out of your children is not the answer either, don't use this method to excess, it will and can backfire.

Thanks
Deb (Some smilies still are not working )

 

I'm a 17 year old mostly raised by my step father, for about five years i was a momma's boy, but when i turned about six, me and my dad started to bond, it really began with fishing for us, moved to auctioning and garage saleing, now we're prolly just as close if not closer as me and my mother are, unfortunately he lives in florida and i live in connecticut due to their divorce, although now after 15 years i see my "real" father on a regular basis, I still will always consider my step father Dad, I love him and miss him dearly, he laid down the law with me when i was young and i have respected him and can't recall a time i ever talked back to him, but i tend to shy away from confrontation to this day with everyone. I'd recommend perhaps setting up a "date" just him and you doing something you know he's interested in; concert etc. If you can make him realize you want to be his friend it will have a big impact on him i believe, my mother has a had a few bf's since, although rather than oppose them i tried to make them realize if we have to be around each other i'd like to be friends with ya........and once both of us reach a comfort level it can be a rewarding experience....I hope some of this helps, it's kinda from the "horses mouth" if you will........I tend to whole heartedly agree with Greywolf, very inciteful person and thinks very much like myself lol...But i'm a lot younger

 

I have done alot of things alone with him from taking out the atv's to 4wheeling and working on my truck he wants to learn how to fix cars. I try to teach him. But 98% of the time it seems like he only pays attention if he is going to get something in return. I have sat down and talked to him and everytime I ask him a question it he comes back with an attitude of when I tell him NO on something I have to explain to the very last detail why I said NO and he argues with my answer on the subject. So I tell him that when I say NO that is the answer and I don't have to explain why because the answer is always going to be NO. So he walks away mumbling under his breath something so one day I confronted him saying if you have something to say you tell me to my face not walking away.

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 05-Jan-02 AT 10:59 AM (EST)]The most sensitive part of his anatomy is his stomach. Hit him there (figuratively only, please!) Next supper time, don't set him a place at the table. When he asks why, tell him that since his attitude demonstates that he has no desire to be part of your family, you are simply respecting his wishes.

 

>I have done alot of things alone with him from taking out
>the atv's to 4wheeling and working on my truck he wants to
>learn how to fix cars. I try to teach him. But 98% of the
>time it seems like he only pays attention if he is going to
>get something in return.

Please Get the Book I suggested .
It is the key.
It encompasses most of what people are talking about but also gives you hope toward an eventual peace with each other.

Regarding your above comment.

Maybe you and His mother should get him *Volunteering in your community*

It will be a way for the boy to understand that you don't always get Physical compensation for things and the *Giving* of *himself* is actually a way to *Receive*.




Dennis
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions As:
"I'm Saving Up MY Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's"







78 F-150 429CJ C6 ,Silver w/Explorer Pkge
641/2 Mustang,Pre-World's Fair Car #8092
64 Fairlane S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang.Sunlit Gold 80,000 miles