Not to keep beating a dead horse but this was the funniest main stream news review I've ever seen in my life... heck, it wasn't a review, it was an all out roast of Ashlee Simpson and her halftime performance. Man, this guy didn't pull any punches. It's long but worth the read if you like that sort of thing.

Thank god some of the attention is finally falling away from the sooners...

By the way I picked this up at
http://music.msn.com/beacon/editoria...e-7b02be7a4ba4
If you want to see the photos or vote in their poll...


Ashlee Simpson’s vocal malfunction
Making viewers long for the days of Janet Jackson's breast

COMMENTARY
By Michael Ventre
MSNBC contributor
Updated: 1:13 p.m. ET Jan. 6, 2005In this case, if Ashlee Simpson had flashed a breast, the FCC probably would have let it go.

After all, agencies of the federal government are there to protect the citizenry from any sort of injury or harm. Ashlee’s performance at halftime of Tuesday night’s Orange Bowl in Miami was about as close as a singer gets to committing aggravated assault. If she had only taken a lesson from Janet Jackson, the world would be talking today about the exposure of a boob rather than a fraud.

Much of the blame for this fiasco falls upon ABC, which hired this female Gilbert Gottfried to headline the halftime show for college football’s ultimate game, matching No. 1 USC against No. 2 Oklahoma. If the Sooners are despondent today after absorbing a 55-19 bludgeoning from the Trojans, they can take solace that each and every one of them could have taken the halftime stage dressed in drag and mooed like a cow and still induce fewer boos than Ashlee did Tuesday night.

First NBC invited Ashlee on “Saturday Night Live,” where she tried to fool the audience by lip-synching her way through a song, but failed. Now ABC. Don’t these networks have a Standards and Practices office anymore? Don’t they care about the welfare of our children? Don’t these network executives realize that a performance like Ashlee’s could produce imitators? Are they unconcerned about copycat Ashlees?

Slack-jawed awe
Ashlee’s singing sounded like a cross between a political prisoner being tortured and a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

I watched the Orange Bowl Tuesday night, like millions of other Americans. The first half was all USC. When halftime arrived, I sat at the kitchen table, watching the TV from a room away. Because of the distance, the sound seemed lower than it was if I was right there in front of the screen. I started to enjoy a fine meal. I felt safe and secure.

When Ashlee came on and began to perform, though, I literally dropped my fork. Then I cupped my hands over my ears, but it didn’t help. Ashlee’s singing sounded like a cross between a political prisoner being tortured and a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

I desperately searched for the remote so I could hit the mute button, but I must have misplaced it. But I also couldn’t believe that someone didn’t rush the stage and stop her. The local police. The FBI. Homeland security. Even an angry mob of vigilantes. Instead, they just let her keep going. I’ve never felt so helpless or vulnerable in my life.

I happened to look out the window and noticed that some of my neighbors were running down the street, their hands over their ears, screaming for help. I wanted to help them, I really did. Yet I was gripped by horror and disbelief. I was practically catatonic. For their sake — and for mine — all I could hope for was a swift end to the halftime show.

Shrieking like a hyena giving birth, she closed her “song” with something that approximates the phrase, “you make we wanna SCREAM!” And then she waited for applause.

Instead, she got boos, the kind of irate and vindictive boos that usually occur after a pro wrestler taunts a crowd. Through the cacophony, the gentle strains of “You suck!” could be heard. Ashlee was escorted off the stage and through a tunnel, and let’s just say the Indiana Pacers were received more warmly by Detroit fans when they walked toward the locker room after the brawl.

Just go away now
I consider myself a tolerant person. I accept the talented and talentless equally. I realize not everyone can sing like Sinatra or Streisand. Usually, I applaud the effort, even if the result is unsatisfactory. On the handful of occasions when I have been at a karaoke bar, I clap my hands supportively for each and every participant, regardless of how pitiful their attempts. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

But I believe there are limits, and Ashlee has crossed mine, and I believe, the world’s. She is using her status as the sister of Jessica Simpson in order to carve out a career for herself. How anyone can listen to Jessica, let alone Ashlee, borders on the stupefying. But I see stories on the news all the time about con artists who separate people from their life savings. I know there were scads of gullible viewers who tuned in to watch Geraldo Rivera open Al Capone’s vault. I realize that humans are flawed, and sometimes those flaws can have disastrous consequences.

What I hope and pray for now is that Ashlee will go away and leave the public alone. On behalf of the world community, I implore her to pursue another career. There are many avenues for a young woman of her abilities. Pig farmers need wranglers. The U.S. Forest Service has many outposts in remote areas of our nation’s parks, where one can make all the noise one wants and not be heard by another soul for miles. And if she’s determined to remain in the entertainment field, the horror genre in Hollywood could always use a good screamer.

But Ashlee must cease and desist her professional singing career immediately. The lip-synching angered many. The Orange Bowl debacle undoubtedly caused thousands to seek counseling. What does she want next? Is she setting up some sort of blackmail scheme: “Give me $10 million or I’ll keep singing”?

If that’s the case, I’m prepared to donate generously. I don’t think I’m alone.

 

As my friend told me as we sat there with our OU hats and shirts on--My god it's bad enough the way we are playing, they don't have to kick us while we are down by letting her sing.

 

The "Milli Vanilli" of the decade. There are plenty of decent singers out there, but they don't have the MTV looks. So we get Ashlee....

 

The Simpson sisters success just goes to show you the power of good promotion (daddy), regardless of the talent level, or lack there-of.

IMHO, the overall monetary value of their combined talent isn't enough to buy enough gas to kick start a ****ants motorscooter.......

 

Amazing what money can do, huh? Just look at those Hilton twits....

 

half time, did some one else not pull that off at a ball game opening by doing some obseen thing?

 

Are you referring to Roseanne's rendintion of "The Star Spangled Banner" at the baseball game several years ago? At least she- and I am in no way condoning her performance of our national anthem- knew she couldn't sing and made a huge joke out of it, though grabbing her crotch was insult to injury...

As for Ashlee Simpson, I think her fifteen minutes are just about up- Thank Heaven's!! But as long as the public continues to support this crappola, the longer it is going to happen.

 

yes, that more then ticked me off a little

 

I respectfully disagree that her fifteen minutes of fame are up. I believe she will be offered a movie script or two, it will most likely be a real POS movie, combined with potential bad acting. However, she has a fan base so IE, ET, and the other entertainment programs will continue to sing her praises, this time as an actress.
What will be far worse is that the Today show will have her on after her first movie and the perky Katie Corrupt will be gushing over her as if she cured cancer.

 

Next Michael Moore will hire her to sing his praise?

It simply amazes me the number of low/no talent entertainers that continue to get the publicity and media exposure. It makes me think I should have become an actor/singer!! Trust me, Roseanne has nothing on me!

 

Y-100 (a local radio staion in my area) featured this performance on the morning show. I was laughing so hard I had to pull over on the way to work, I was crying! The performance was so bad that they didn't even have to say anything bad to trash her. Of course, they did anyway...

 

Ditto - Ditto

 

There is a serious lack of talent in the "pop" music industry these days. Both Simpsons are average girls that should be working at average jobs in an average town. How those 'no talents' ever got any attention I'll never be able to guess. They have no sex appeal, charisma, or other redeeming talent that would make you interested. Too many people are falling prey to the hype machine that grinds all trash out and tapes it for TV and radio.

 

I had never heard of her until the half-time horror. I guess I'm one of the blessed considering that.
fang180