"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a
conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the
corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the
vacuum cleaner."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can
fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next
three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

 

LOL again, Taz! Where do you find this stuff... the cynical thoughts and Guy dictionary are pretty funny.

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

I love that one... a subtle way of saying "hurry up, I'm hungry!"

 

And the most potentially lethal question you could ever ask a woman: "What's wrong, dear?"

Guaranteed to lead to instant and possibly permanent insanity trying to figure out what the word "nothing" actually means.

 

My wife has learned I ask ONCE and if she says nothing I leave it alone

 

TruckerTaz : I'm a Newbie on this Forum ain't it the Truth "Uh huh" "Sure Honey" and the classic "Yes Dear". It's when they enter the room with a new outfit on and they ask your opinion. Boy you better give the right answer or your Dead in the Water

 

I learned a hard and painful lesson a few years back... heres how it went..

her= blah blah blah

me= yes dear

her= do I look like I have hooves

me= wel.. WHOOOOOOOOP

I have a scar on the side of my head from the flippen diamond

Lesson learned

 

Agreed. I stopped asking a while ago. She usually gets around to telling me what she thinks. I'm OK with that, it saves a lot of time with the BS.

LOL, we're to the point where we can pretty much read each other's minds, anyway.

 

I agree with you AeroPA, your Dead Meat "What's Wrong Dear" - "Oh Nothing"

 

I saw the funniest commercial the other day and it relates to this thread. A guy is sitting on the couch when his wife/girlfriend walks in the room. She asks him
"Does this outfit make me look fat?" A loaded question if ever there was one!

He looks at her for about a minute...then bolts out the door as fast as his legs can carry him!

 

There is anoter one where the guy is reading the paper, she walks in and asks the same question.. he says: "You Betcha" not paying attention - I laughed so hard at the trouble he'll be in. :-)

 

Hey!

Wife stands in front of the mirror and says, "Oh [sob] I'm getting old and fat and wrinkled! ... Honey, say something to make me feel better."

Husband, "Um, er, well ... You're eyesight is PERFECT!"


-Sam

 

dude..you always come up with cool stuff...keep it up..

 

If I repeat any of these to my wife, will any of you fellow FTE members please come to my aid. It is to darn cold to sleep outside and I can't sleep with the dog because my son feed him pepperoni's last night and the house stinks. The dog always wants to sleep next to my side of the bed.

My wife is paying bills and asking some really dumb questions.

Tom

 

There is another one where she asks the guy and he just stuffs his mouth with some kind of food and mumbles incoherently through the chewing...which apparently translates to "you look good" in woman talk.

 

you can come stay with me in my dog house. it's purdy roomy, and my dog isn't allowed people food.