What To Do ?????
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What To Do ?????
Hey Guys,
I Will Try To Keep This Short...
Iam 38 And Have A 78 Year Old Family Friend. Went To See Him Today On His 78th Birthday. He Was Laid Up In A Chair Because He Had Fallen Last Tuesday Night And Could Not Get Up , The Fire Dept. Had To Come Out And Get Him Off The Floor. He Lives In A Govt. Housing Deal. His Family Is All Out Of Town.. He Is A Large Man 300lbs.+ And He Is An Alcoholic.. Thus The Fall.. This Has Been An Ongoing Issue For Me For The Last Three Years. I Love The Old Man But Just Dont Know What To Do. Should I Call Someone Like Social Services???? I Want To Keep Being His Friend.. We Have Been Friends For A Long Time..
Later,
Lee
I Will Try To Keep This Short...
Iam 38 And Have A 78 Year Old Family Friend. Went To See Him Today On His 78th Birthday. He Was Laid Up In A Chair Because He Had Fallen Last Tuesday Night And Could Not Get Up , The Fire Dept. Had To Come Out And Get Him Off The Floor. He Lives In A Govt. Housing Deal. His Family Is All Out Of Town.. He Is A Large Man 300lbs.+ And He Is An Alcoholic.. Thus The Fall.. This Has Been An Ongoing Issue For Me For The Last Three Years. I Love The Old Man But Just Dont Know What To Do. Should I Call Someone Like Social Services???? I Want To Keep Being His Friend.. We Have Been Friends For A Long Time..
Later,
Lee
Super Moderator
Joined: Apr 2004
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Social Services gonna make it better or worse? Do what makes it better.
If he's a drunken 300lb 78 year old, he has already used most of the "Croakmenot" cards you get at the beginning of the game.
See what you can come up with from the services folks.
You need to do what you can, not for him, but for you.
If he's a drunken 300lb 78 year old, he has already used most of the "Croakmenot" cards you get at the beginning of the game.
See what you can come up with from the services folks.
You need to do what you can, not for him, but for you.
Senior User
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 324
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From: SW Ontario
Originally Posted by Brian79150
...Be there for him but you cant help someone that wont help themselves.
I'm a Paramedic by trade, There is really nothing you can do. I see this on a frequent basis. Social services vary by region, but most (if not all) are swamped by the work load of people who want need help and want it. The family can/maybe able to "commit" him to a nursing home/ care facility. But that costs money. The courts could order him to a care facility because he is a threat to himself, but that rarely happens, it cost the Gov. money.
The overweight issue could be genetic, but alcoholism can be beat, there are multiple agencies out there to help out. The first step is to tell him what you think and ask him what he wants to do. He is 78, he has been around the block (once or twice). Let him make his own decisions, if he resects you as a friend, he will listen to what you have to say
Post Fiend
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 13,873
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From: Atlanta GA
I know from trying that the only one that can take a bottle from an alcoholic is himself. They either have to decide to quit by themselves or they are forced into it when they lose everything (family, friends, home, job) and end up in a homeless shelter. Even then it might not be enough. People like Derek Sanderson (former Boston Bruins) might be a good example.
You can offer compassion, support, and constant praying.
But, at 78, if he has been hooked to the bottle for a while it is not likely that he will quit. Truth be told, it might be masking a deeper problem and not drinking might send him off the deep end. It might be a way of coping with regrets. So, I would not force it on him.
I would be his friend without enabling the drinking. Some people are not as strong as others and sometimes just having a friend makes life bearable and gives them enough support and self-esteem to want to give it up and live.
You might offer to help take him to AA meetings, if HE thinks he has a problem. Going with someone might get him over the hump.
You can offer compassion, support, and constant praying.
But, at 78, if he has been hooked to the bottle for a while it is not likely that he will quit. Truth be told, it might be masking a deeper problem and not drinking might send him off the deep end. It might be a way of coping with regrets. So, I would not force it on him.
I would be his friend without enabling the drinking. Some people are not as strong as others and sometimes just having a friend makes life bearable and gives them enough support and self-esteem to want to give it up and live.
You might offer to help take him to AA meetings, if HE thinks he has a problem. Going with someone might get him over the hump.
Fleet Mechanic
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,816
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From: River Valley AR
One thing I have learned is that you can't help someone who does not want to help theirself. You can choose what you do with your life. If you associate with him do not let his faults rub off on you, try to inspire him instead. If he doesn't go for it then you can rest knowing that you tried to do the right thing.
If I make it to 78 I hope to to be sitting on my front porch shooting kids with a BB gun. Maybe he's getting to do what he always wanted even if it is self-destructive. Good luck.
If I make it to 78 I hope to to be sitting on my front porch shooting kids with a BB gun. Maybe he's getting to do what he always wanted even if it is self-destructive. Good luck.
Senior User
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 324
Likes: 0
From: SW Ontario
Originally Posted by bodabdan
If I make it to 78 I hope to to be sitting on my front porch shooting kids with a BB gun.
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Senior User
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 125
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From: Albuquerque
Very sad. I use to have an elderly neighbor that would sit in his car all day drinking in front of his house. Many times he would be at it at 0530 when I would leave to work. When I would return from work many times I would find him passed out on his front lawn. Laying there in his own urine and crap. All I could do was help him inside. He had relitives right down the street but they never helped him. I always figured he had outlived his usefullness and should just go ahead and take a dirt nap. He finnally did in a painfull way he was passing his liver.
I think you are doing good by checking on your family freind. It sounds like he may not want to be around very much longer. Just do the best you can.
I think you are doing good by checking on your family freind. It sounds like he may not want to be around very much longer. Just do the best you can.
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Joined: Oct 2004
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From: Newton America :-P
Call me cynical, or mean, but my mom is in the same boat. 5 ft tall 300 plus pounds, and I am so sick and tired of extending help, only to have it be not enough, or tossed back in my face. Don't get me wrong- I believe firmly in helping your fellow man, but sometimes the charity bucket is just empty. If he is 78 and the family is not around, it's because they choose not to be. It is very nice you are thinking of him, but the family MIGHT be a little rude if you try and help. I just wanted to warn you incase you get a less than warm reception. Good luck and keep us posted, I really hope the above is not the case, because I know how it can hurt to want to help, and see nothing actually get done in the long run.
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