And I thought I had it hard right now man. I feel for you, and as some of the other posters have mentioned, regardless of the test results, she is still YUOR child. you raised her. that much is plain and simple, and your wife, well, does not have the discipline to properly maintain a helthy reltionship, so why should she be granted custody of the kid? I would suggest it best to fight for her, and continue to raise her as your own, and perhaps telling her when she is old enough to understand the reasons behind everything, including why she was not raised by her mother.
Our prayers are with you in this man. Take care, and good luck in all.

Jimmy Dean

 

This thread was first in General Automotive, Then Announcements & Introductions, And now General Non-Automotive. I'm starting to think I get around as much as my ex-wife!! (still trying to find some kind of humour)


Well anyways, I have been trying to get custody for well over a year. Courts won't grant it because she claimed domestic abuse in the divorce papers.

In Minnesota when a Woman claims domestic abuse the courts have to believe her unless I am able to prove otherwise.
I can not provide evidence that I wasn't abusive nor can she provide evidence that I was. So that is where I'm stuck at for custody.

Yes, I do have custody of the 2 older kids. That is from a court order in North Carolina. They found her incompetant 4 years ago. She tried to get MN to over rule that order & the judge just laughed and said he wasn't able to over rule any out of state orders.

 

That's exactly what I'm talking about when I say the courts are screwed up.

The pendulum has swung the other way. Men got away with all kinds of abuse for a long time. Then laws were passed to curb a lot of that, but now, the laws favor the woman. As if that makes up for years of wrongdoing on the other side. All it does is create more problems.

 

^ Don't even get me started. I have a perfect life with the exception of 'the courts' and child custody matters. It is crazy I say.

 

To address the subject of getting back any of the child support you paid, I'm not sure about your state but here's how it is in some states, hopefully not yours: If you raised the child for any significant amount of time,believing it to be yours, you can be required to continue paying child support as if the child wdas yours. Hope you aren't in one of those states. Stay strong man!

 

Please read this

 

me n' my buddy's work as hench-men for food.

 

That's a tough blow, one I have heard of before, of all the love and care given to a child that turn's out biologically not to be yours,
I can only imagine the great conflictions of the feelings you must be experiancing.
My only honest contribution to you is when my life took a turn, similar in shock value as yours has, I put my life and trust in the hands of GOD's only Son Jesus Christ.
I don't know how much I can get away with saying on here without getting in trouble, not that I really care, I'm trying to help.

 

Wow Parks...you have my sympathies man. I don't think there's anything I can say to help you out. But we're all 100 % behind you man. I just wish there was some way the courts could see thru your X's lying (slang word), and make some type of ruling in your favour.Hang in there and give your 2 boys as much attention as you can. Take care

 

A buddy of mine went through something similar. His wife had a girl even though she hadn't allowed him marital access in awhile. He loves her like his own though..always will. Just be there for her however you can.

 

i hope you're not posting your daughters real name or will consider the fact this is a public forum and you're posting confidential information about her. if you're just looking to embarass your ex there are other ways

btw this happens a lot. you're not the only one. paternity tests for sick children needing transplants are always turning up "illegitimate" children. there should already be some case history on this matter

would seem to me you thought you're the dad, your daughter thinks you're the dad and that amounts to a good case for custody. but if you want custody i don't see how you would go out about getting back the child support?

 

There is little comfort I can give here - there is little anything you can do about it, the child is probably too young to be able to grow up remembering you in her life, your soon to be ex will make very sure the name is changed, and you are erased from memory. That sucks, and there is not much you can do about that - the domestic abuse precludes that, and a few other things you may find out about later.. If you wish to know about them now, PM me and I will list a few (the invite is for Parks911, not anyone else )

Your only real option, is a long shot, but may work. If you can get involved with a counsellor in some way, who may be able to interact with your ex, you may be able to remain in contact, albeit slightly. It would be reasonable of someone to allow such an approach, and if you think that reasonable behavior is possible from your soon to be ex, it may be worth pursuing.

If all else fails, you could possibly try a few other things, that I do not think appropriate content for public forum. Should you wish to learn of them, PM me.

I am very much familar with circumstances such as you find yourself in, dealing with such cases five or six times a year, so may be able to help if all else fails.

 

Nothing in this day and age is confidential anymore. You can go anywhere on the net. If your willing to pay the money, then you can get any kind of info that you want.

BEGIN RANT


And why would I be looking to embarass my ex? I don't remember anywhere in this thread that I have slandered her. Except for the fact that I got slapped in the face in a way no one would or could ever imagine.
Trust me, If I really wanted to embarass her, I would have posted her name, address, phone number, & a whole lot of other crap. I also would have been more creative with the embarassment then using a internet web forum.

And you could probally do a search for other threads that I speak about my divorce. Yes, I may have said a few things negative about her but I have always said in the end that I loved her & still do. If she wanted to come home right now, would I let her? NO. Simply because we already went through that. In the past 14 month of the divorce, she has wanted to come home 7 different times. 5 times I let her so we could resolve our differences, usually within a week or 2, she would be gone again. So why should I let her come home again if she wanted to? Why should I put my other 2 kids through that hell again?

You know, she dragged my *** to this little town almost 2 years ago. I was happy in North Carolina but she wanted to move to Minnesota. I dropped everything & moved for her not knowing I was going to be served papers 6 months after residency here in this state. Guess what, 6 months is the residency limits for a divorce here. North Carolina was legal seperation for a year before a divorce could even be filed. So I also feel this has been planned for awhile.

Now I'm here. Population 800. Don't know a damn person to socialize with. My extent of a adult conservation is with a 6 year old & a 4 year old. So please forgive me for coming to this public forum for some kind of adult communication. Situations like this isn't something that you want to speak to a 6 year old & 4 year old about.


END RANT


Sorry, I just got rubbed the wrong way. I probally took it completely different then what you implied it, but I have a reputation of being *** backwards!


Edited to add

Theo, go ahead a PM me if you wish. I'm not going to be on much longer. I have to be up in a few hours to get off to work.

I also want to ad to my rant.

Counciling has been tried. Very unsucessful. I also don't speak of my ex in front of or around my other 2 kids nor do they even ask about her.

And as for child support is concerned. I am paying $485.00 a month for that one child she has that isn't mine. She is paying nothing for the 2 children of hers that I have. She also has never contacted me to see them. She knows where I live, my email address, both phone numbers, where I work.
I have copies of letters sent to her lawyer on different dates asking just for a hour so I can visit the little one. But have been denied every time by the mother.


Damn it, edited again

I do know where she lives, although she doesn't know that. I drove by there a few weeks ago in the early hours of the a.m. on my way to work.
A couple days later was the little ones birthday. I thought about stopping in. I really wanted to. Expecially on the birthday. I then came to my senses. It would only cause problems & right now I don't want any problems. She would probally files papers saying that I'm stalking her. I'm getting to old for this ****.


I've gone edit happy

Dennis,
I know that site well. It is in my favorites. I use it to keep track of what I've paid for child support & when I've paid it.

 

Parks...regardless of any test you will always be daddy to that girl in HER heart as well as yours, even at 3.

Unfortunately she will be hurt be this, one way or another. I'm no lawyer but my gut says that unless you can prove your ex is an unfit mother you will lose via the genetic card. Maybe a good Private Investigator to tail your ex for proof of unfitness might be worth more than a lawyer for now?

My daughter is 2, and looks nothing like me, but I'm sure she's mine. Still, after those nights of heavy artillery between my wife and me I've wondered what I'd do if I found myself in a situation similar to yours.

If I found myself with the courts against me and forced out of her life, I'd have to think of a way to make sure she would know (If she came looking in the future) that I hadn't forgotten or abandoned her. Maybe every christmas and on her birthday, and/or whenever she crosses your mind, you sit down and write her a letter, date it, seal it, and save it. Have her half siblings do the same.

If she ever comes looking you can give them to her. Could make a difference, maybe.

Good luck. I'm praying for you.

Erik

 

After reading the post I feel for you man. Just don't forget about the two that are yours, they love you and I'm sure you love them. Be thankful for what you have.