I already posted about what my mom had done with her new boyfriend. So to elaberate. I'm now living with my grandma. My mom is drinking 6.5 days out of the week sometimes is not sober for 2 or 3 weeks. Has no job she is loosing the house. ( A double wide) Which is actually nice I have grown to like it. I have put blood, sweat and tears into making that place. The proporty is paid for but the house is set for repo in 4 days. She got a DWI. I had spent 2 day off of school my senoir year to get my mom out of jail. Then get my grandma's Blazer out of impound. She will have a worrant issued for her arrest in 7 days unless I give her $900. The house will be $2k
I have the money but this is not going to help her if I bail my mom out every time. My dad does not know about the repo, or mom is going to jail.(divorced) He asked why I called from my grand's house Then he said Oh! You don't want to talk about it uuhhh. He will take things and make it worse. So talkng to dad is no option.
He know mom is a drunk and brings it up every chance he gets and thinks it's funny. Don't get me wrong I love my dad and he has helped me through a lot of stuff. He just isn't a person to talk to. My grandma had a stroke so she is not all thier.
Last time I tAlked to mom. She said it was my fault we are loosing the house and called me every name in the book. The memories of her being a mother -sober that is, with the faimily BBQ's and building fence or riding horses is fading. Oh When She does go to jail I have 3 horses, a colt and 4 dogs and numerous others to tak care of.
OH ya I'm still in school through all this.
I think it is amazing what I have done/ been through. I don't steal, do drugs or have any other habbits. I still smile When I find time.
Marry Friggen Christmas
Dustin

 

Dustin....being unfamiliar with you and your family, I really can't offer advice that would make sense. I don't think anyone is in a position to either...it's a unique situation that I think if there is someone who could relate, it should be dealt with on a private level.

However, while it's nowhere near what you're going through, I'm kind of feeling the same way (merry friggin christmas). I'm being stretched reeealy thin lately, and damn near broke down this morning in my driveway and didn't go to work. I sucked it up for a bit, and made it in. When I got here and read FTE, I saw a post by someone about another in their family who has been ill...you see them every once in awhile in here. Man, I could have it much worse, and that post slapped reality back into my head. I'm not saying what you're going through isn't bad, or any easier than what other people are going through, but just know that there is always someone out there who has it worse in some way. I've read a lot of your posts, and you seem to be the type of person who understands this about life. With what I've seen, it sounds like you could grow up to be a bulletproof kind of guy, since you've seen a lot. It'll be time before you make it there, and you'll be tested everyday, but understand that being strong through everything, as hard as it may be, will only lead to a stronger mind, body and spirit in the future. I wish I could say it would be easy too, but I think the both of us know it won't be...that's just not how things work, everyday is a test of some sort.

All that I can say about your situation without knowing your family is to remember where you came from. This seems like something that could easily disenchant you from your parents for a good long time. You're a strong enough guy to come to grip with reality as young as you are, and I think it's time you took the bull by the horns. Talk things out with your father...you said he jokes about it. Maybe he didn't know to what extent the problem with the drinking was? I wish I could help more, but in all honesty, I've never personally dealt with something like this, so I don't want to give out advice and be totally off base. Hit me with a PM if you want to just rant for a little bit. Sometimes, just getting things out is the best way to cope...it clears your mind and just makes things easier to decipher in there, you know?

Hang in there brother. For the past, what, 18-19 years, you've been waking up every morning, beating the grim reaper at it's own game, even after almost losing. Someone is with you somehow, and I think you know this too. I hope things can work themselves out for you Dustin...keep your head up.

 

Life sucks sometimes! I suggest that you do what you can to prevent loosing the house. Make sure that you document how much of your personal funds went toward the house payments, you'll be glad later if you have to file a claim or lein. Also document what you put out to get the vehicle out of impound for the same reason. Don't give Mom any money! Doing so would not help her (see "enabler"). Sounds like she needs to learn the hard way. The courts often mandate rehab as part of sentencing in DUI cases. Your local county may have free legal and/or counseling services available to help you out. Protect yourself, your home, and Grandma. You might want to check into emancipation if you're still a minor. It's unfortunate that you have to grow up so quickly. Stand tall and keep smiling!

 

Wow, I'm really sorry that you are going through that. I've gone through some rough spots in my life, and after they've gone by, I'm always grateful for them. They have given me knowledge and experience that I otherwise never would have gotten. You have to put a positive spin on everything. Sometimes it's an uphill battle, I know. You probably don't realize this, but you can choose to learn from this and take what you can from it, or you can choose to let it affect you in a negative way. The choice is up to you to make.

The first thing you have to do is get your mother to see that she has an alcohol problem and get her start going AA. Nothing will get better unless she decides that she's had enough.

Sadly, it's probably too late for the house. It's up to you whether or not you want to bail her out of trouble again. You're probably right by thinking that she won't learn from this until it really bites her.

It's important to remember that you are your own person, and so is your mother. You are not responsible for her actions, and she isn't responsible for yours anymore, either.

You are your own person, and you have to keep your own best interests in mind. It doesn't sound like she has yours at heart anymore.

Also remember that the decisions you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. So think hard and choose. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it, you can come away from the situation knowing that you tried your best.

I wish you luck.

 

The problem is I talked to her and she said $2K to save the house and she will get her job and get a DL back. So she will make the house payments. She is into me for $1,040 already. I think If I make the house payments and her fine that she will NOT get a job and the house will be gone in 4 months and she will be in jail with another DWI. THEN I lost $2900 + the $1,040 just so she can act 12 and ignore her responabilities IE the animals, house, ME/ school, her ill mom. SHE dosn't care. I went to the guy's shack where they live and she feel down 5-6 stars then denied it later. If someone is so drunk the can't Go to my school interview with me sober(she was drunk) and denies falling. her BF has taken over her life. He forced me to lock my shop( theif) Gave mom a calling card with no money on it -useless. They can't stand to be appart from each other. He is controling her whole life but he is doing it ( sneaky) so he thinks.
Do I loan the money or not?

 

Reality:

Christmas time isn't always the wonderful time it is presented to be.

It can be the most stressful time of the year for people.

Here is something I started writing in my Christmas cards back in 1970 and continue to do so today.I have seen it written other ways in commerical Christmas Cards so there are others who feel the same way.

My Words to live by.

May The SPIRIT of Christmas be an INSPIRATION to you through the Rest of the Year

 

If you really feel that he is the main source of problems, AND things will improve if he's not around, then you can tell her you'll loan her the money if and only if she agrees not to see him anymore. But she has to see his negative influence on her life before that has any hope of working.

Also, call the police and report domestic violence if you think he's abusing her. She doesn't have to take that BS from anyone, but she might not realize it. She probably has options and outs she doesn't realize she has.

Another thing to remember is that she has support from you that she doesn't realize - make sure she knows that.

 

I don't think he is phisically abusing her. He is just controling EVERYTHING she does.
She LOVES him. BS He just suppprts her drinking babbits for now. I was NEVER like that with any of my GF's We had are time appart. It is only healthy. I could not stand someone that would rack up a $1200 phone bill and call at 2:30AM on school mornings.
Both of them aren't right in the head for that to take place.
I gotta go, later
D

 

Time to play monster truck. I'll just knock him out and run his SUV over with him inside. Just to show the pain he has caused. OK I need theripy.. time to drive the 78, driving the 78 makes things better atleast temperarly. LOUD muisic and the ability to send old neigbors running always puts a smiles on my face

 

If you are old enough, talk to your mom and the mortgauge holder. YOU agree to make up the back payments and assume the loan if the D/W is transferred into YOUR name.

If you can afford this you will own a home and have established credit. Since she will most likely loose the home whether you give her the $2000.00 or not, you might as well give it a shot.

The lender would much rather have the $2000.00 and someone who will pay regular on the note than have a repo D/W that does not have land with it.

If that won't work, then offer to buy the land the D/W sits on.

As for the family problems, you will have to go with your gut. I do know from experience that promises made in desperate situations are rarely kept.

You sound like you have a good head on you in spite of all that has happed around you. This may be your chance to become a property owner. Don't feel guilty about what you have to do, they made the decisions that lost the home, not you.

I wish you all the best. Don't let circumstances get you into the same lifestyle they have. It's easy to give up under tremendous pressure. Just be strong ask for guidance from you know who.

Good Luck

Keep us informed as to your well being.

 

Dustin I have to agree with Yardbird. HIs advice sounds the best. PLus it helps you out in a couple of ways.

 

it sounds like a dead ender.you seem to have both feet on the ground and have common sense.spiritus fermenti can really get a firm grip what these guys are saying about you buying that place is the way to go.

just forget about the cause of this (alcohol) because you never try to rescue maidens that own dragon ranches.these people want to imbibe and nothing else.

 

It is time for you to seek professional advice for your's as well as your mother's sake. You may not be able to control what your mother does but, you can control what you do.

If you cannot afford professional help go to a church of your choice. They will guide you to counseling and support. It doesn't matter if you belong to the church or not.

You could even possibly try welfare services to point you in the right direction.

The important thing is...do not try to resolve this alone. It is bigger than you can handle by yourself.

There are opportunities for assistance.

I know it is difficult to understand now...but, much later in your life you will learn that everything happens for a reason.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

 

Dustin, I just went thru all of this with my Bro-in-law. I know where you are coming from as my sister, a church secretary who was not poor, was controlled and manipulated by this idiot she thought she had to have. He has now died from the drinking and she is broke- dead broke as in lost everything. I was into helping them thru their "crisis" for several grand myself. Cut off the aid-NOW. You are not helping them by giving them money, only a more comfortable place to drink.

I feel for ya Dustin, I really do. Unless you have experienced a family member go down by drinking, you don't have a clue as to the hurt they can deal out. Dustin, if you have a minister, please go see him. If ya don't have one, get counseling. You're not crazy-yet. But it will drive you crazy if you don't have someone qualified to talk to. And if you don't believe anything anybody tells you, believe this- there are things in this life you can control and there are things you can't. Deal with the ones YOU can control and forget the ones you can't control. Otherwise, you are going to beat yourself to death with someone elses problems. Good luck and God bless.

 

Man, I would take a look at things. If I was in your situation, I would leave my mom alone, let her learn the hard way. I do know it does suck to lose things, like a house and whatnot, but in the end if it makes her stronger, so be it. I have gone through alot of stuff, that is somewhat similar too, and things had to be learnt hard ways. It seems it takes a bad thing to happen before someone wakes up and smells the roses.