My parents have been annoying me lately. Its funny because when I was younger I never really thought there would be a day when I would never get along with my parents. I am not close with any other family members (besides grandparents) except one cousin and that has only been within the last 4 years we have became close. I am an only child so don't have any siblings to worry about. The problem is my mom. I started college last fall, and I didn't even get to chose which one I would like to go to. actually I did and they said no, so chose for me which is a college here in town. Both my mom and dad said they didn't think I would be able to live away from home, when in reality I don't think they could live without me at home. The next issue came with my major, which I wanted to be elementary education. Nobody in my family could understand why, and tried to talk me into something else that paid more money. They just couldn't be accepting of my decision. Anyway things with that didn't work out and I changed to psycology. Then it was the wrath of dad again, because he has just gotten used to education and a year later I changed. I don't understand why they can't just accept me for who I am and not what I am not. (at least this is how they present themselves and I interpret it) I feel like they won't let me grow up. (I just turned 20 in June)

I need your advise, do you think I am making this into a bigger deal (as my parents say) or do you think these are things are legitimate items to get upset about? If you wouldn't mind posting your age so I could see if maybe something like this has happened to you or you are going through now, or have had experience with it. Thanks for listening, I needed to get it out to somebody who would listen

 

Do what you want. Bottom line is you must live with your decision! There are times when parents want you to do the "right thing" because they didn't, and want a second chance with you. And I hope it was a "typo" when you mentioned your new career. (Age-54. Been there-Done that!!!) Are you prepared to move out and make it on your own? I thought I was when I was 18, and ended up sleeping under a tarp for 4 months next to a river (for the baths). It was a humbling experience, but worth it. Who is paying for the tuition, books, dorm or room, etc? That may be the big question.

 

Hmm. Being an only child, you'd think your parents would let you do whatever you want.

Here's what I think. I think you should go to whatever college you choose, and take whatever major you want.

Mind you, your parents don't sound like mine. My parents always said they would support all my decisions 110%, and help out where they can.

I'm 29. I went the trade school way, after working a few years after high school. My mom paid for an autobody education, (8 months) while I paid for a diesel tech education (12 months). But if I were to do it again, I'd go to university right out of high school instead.

My sister, 27, is university degreed in geography. She did it on her terms as well.

My brother, 25, is a dental technician assistant. He makes as much money as me (if not more) and with less school. He has a GED.

I think it's okay for your parents to influence your decisions, but they shouldn't make those decisions for you. But you're taking psychology. You should be able to figure out where your parents are coming from.

The basic understanding of psychology I got was from a single class in high school. What may be happening is since you are an only child, as you said already, your parents don't want you to leave, but are lying to you by giving a lame excuse saying you won't be able to make it alone.

Then again, some other only children I know that I grew up with, they got away with murder just about.

I'll finish up by saying you've got to train your parents to see things your way. They'll come around.

 

The norm is Most parents want the very best for their children.
Unfortunately a LOT of parents try to Live through their children which causes problems...like the one you have right now.

Here is another tidbit of info:

Parents will always try to Parent their children.

Ask me about my 86 yr old Dad telling me what I should do all the time,I'm almost 54

 

At some point you need to take a stand, but do so in such a way as to not offend your parents. As an only child it's probably harder for them to let go. If they're paying for school you don't have much say where you go, but if you are paying for it yourself you should be able to choose where you go. Are you taking student loans?

I'm the oldest child of three so I got to experience these issues when my parents were still "green" to these issues. I found a way to take a stand for myself and assert independance in such a way that I didn't insult my parents. It worked pretty well most of the time, but then again my parents let me choose where I wanted to go to college.

My wife, on the other hand, continued to let her parents play a more than active part in her life for 2 years after college until we got married. It caused some major issues the first year of our marriage because her mother, in particular, though she should be involved and have a say in our decisions. She's not a bad person, but she had never been told in a nice way that it was none of her business. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

 

Well,I was born in 1956 and I am 35.Yes,I know how to do math,I decided to quit aging at 35.So I have been 35 for about 13 yrs.J/K.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear but,remember this.You could have a dad who wants you to study,Getmeabeerology,Idontcareology,Goaskurmomolo gy,or Shutupangoawayology.Instead your parents love you enough to try and help you make the right decisions that will help you later in life.I know because I went through it with my parents and then went through it from the other perspective with my oldest daughter.Mom and Dad are not always right,but they are always there!

 

try this, take one parent out for dinner, have a talk with them , discuss what is on your mind, give them sound reasons on what you want to do . next take the other parent out for a game of putt putt..once again Discuss it with him or her..be gentle but firm in your stance....but discuss what is on your mind......and reassure them.. "You think you know you are doing"{key statement} then given them a chance to discuss it amongst themselves.

and then listen to what they have to say. then make a decision.



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Nothing beats parents for driving you nuts.

I don't know if it would be a plausible solution for your personality types, but you could try and find some middle ground with them...some kind of compromise that gives each of you a little something. My parents totally tried to steamroll me (and my older brother too, for that matter) into going to the school of their choice to study the subject of their choice. Had to have a semi-unpleasant conversation with them that I was NOT going to be flexible on my choice of major (it being my life and all), but I was willing to at least discuss their suggestions of some possible schools. Did some research and found one they could still be proud of me attending, and everything went hunky-dory from there. Had my Bachelor's Degree by age 20 and got my Master's Degree on my 22nd birthday. No regrets, life is going great, and my parents feel like they got what they wanted too.
26 years old now, only 3 more years until I stop aging altogether...
Hope it works out for you!

 

You are an adult and are entitled to do what you want, provided you are willing to accept the responsibility for your actions. Go to the school you want. If your folks don't want to pay for it, figure out how to pay for it yourself. Study what you want. If the folks don't support you, support yourself. If your actions would alienate the folks, you get to decide if it's worth the price. Welcome to the real world!

 

I'm 39. But if you ask my wife, I only act like I'm 19-LOL

I don't believe your parents are trying to live vicariously through yo, I believe they want better for you. Just politely tell your folks that you want to live your own life. Take their advice and store it away. You may find in a few years that they sort of knew what they were talking about after all....

Kinda funny but true: The older I get the smarter my parents get!!

STU

 

I agree... I don't think you're parents are living thru you...
they are trying to save you from making bad decisions...
are they not supporting you?
are they not helping you ?
Don't be too quick to take a lot of this "Do what YOU want advice"....
something not said here is what happened when that tack was taken...

another possibility is that we're getting one side of the story - which is true...

but let me tell you one thing FOR SURE - they won't be here forever - and it's possible they ARE telling you the right thing ....

if we have to explain the parents are smarter ditty,
stay home and listen to your parents....
you're not ready.... it's TOUGH out there - if you don't have an idea of what you're good at yet, be patient and learn from them while they are still willing to teach !

If they've made it this far, they can at least teach you to survive !