Old Lady On Trial
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From: Conway Arkansas
Old Lady On Trial
During a trial, in a small Missouri town,
the local prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked
if she would tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her
God.
The witness was a proper well dressed elderly lady,
the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and
asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people
and talk badly about them behind their
backs. You think you're a rising big shot
when you haven't the sense to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper-pushing shyster."
"Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even
think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away,
fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces,
not to mention the court reporter who documented
every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've
known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a
bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a
normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not
to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was
seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the
floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience
was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge
brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet
voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she
knows me, you're going to jail."
the local prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked
if she would tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her
God.
The witness was a proper well dressed elderly lady,
the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and
asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You
lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people
and talk badly about them behind their
backs. You think you're a rising big shot
when you haven't the sense to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper-pushing shyster."
"Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even
think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away,
fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces,
not to mention the court reporter who documented
every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've
known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a
bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a
normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not
to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was
seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the
floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience
was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge
brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet
voice said, "If either of you morons asks her if she
knows me, you're going to jail."
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