Well I'm in a tail spin. Classic deal, girl involved.

Been with her for 3 years now. Great relationship. She just wants to move back home but that place doesn't have the career oportunites I'm looking for. She is going to move back, that much is known.

I can go just about anywhere. Would it be worth follwing a girl that you can see yourself being married to at the sacrafice of your career? Sacraficing my career choice will kill me inside, her staying here will do the same. Losing her will kill me too. But I know time heals all wounds.

I'm in a spin that doesn't allow one to think clearly.

Thanks guys for your advice. And girls if they chime in.

 

9 times out of 10, if the girl gets homesick or whatever, chasing isn't worth it. It's hard to tell though if she is the one out of ten that's worth it.
What is her reason for going home? How far away is home?
If you are insistant on following her, go online to the local papers in her area, and search for jobs. Also keep in mind that you don't have to go immedietely. Long distance relationships can be done, I moved out here in October for work, and my girlfriend of just over three years is still at home. I can tell you up front that it's hard, but if the relationship is worth it, it can be done.

 

Wheres home? Might be a great idea. You also might find that you'll like it there, and find that the job skills you have may transfer well in the move. Do your homework. You might find happines in a move. I did leave a great job, my family, my freinds, and my town for the girl. Actually, I wanted out of town, she just came along at the right time. Yea, I get home sick, miss my freinds, but this must have been home all along.

 

When wives get home sick they go home for a visit, I don't know about girlfriends but if she's moving home because she's homesick, there may be another reason. It could be a new test, she could be just trying to get your attention...or you could have flunked the old test!

 

women are like busses miss one catch the next

 

I like that one!!!

 

It's my understanding that women in Alaska aren't like busses, 'cause there ain't too many busses in Alaska. In other words, it may be a long time before the next bus comes along.

 

I would not do it if I were you. There are a couple reasons:

1 - You will not be as happy moving, having given up your career. That's a fact. You will be glad to be near her, but you will almost certainly build up resentment for her because, in your mind, she 'made' you move and give up your career. That will eventually destroy the relationship. Then, you will be without girlfriend, AND without a career.

It's nice to have a career you like, and it's nice to have a girlfriend. But there needs to be a balance between the two. You can't give up one for the other.

2 - If she gets it in her head that she can put her foot down and get what she wants, you're setting a very, very dangerous precedent. Expect that to get worse, not better. If this is the first time she's given you an ultimatum, it will not be the last. Relationships (successful ones, anyway) are about give and take. They're about sacrifice and compromise. They are not about, "I'm moving, let me know if you're coming."

If you really, really want to keep both, then what you might do (and this requires a lot of thought) is propose to her. Show her that you're ready to take the next step, and that you want to make a commitment to her. If you've been with her for three years, and you still don't know if she's the one for you, then she's probably not the one for you, and you're better off in the long run without her.

If, on the other hand, this is exactly what she wants you to do, then she's manipulating you. That's a very dangerous thing to do, and you need to call her on it if that's the case.

 

Don't scrap your career and life for ANYONE else, period. That's all fine and dandy that you can see yourself marrying her, but does she and will she think the same before too long? There are just as many "happily" married couples out there as there are actually happy to be married.

I've been in that "I could see it happening" phase, too, but it's a phase. Really.

If it's meant to happen, somehow, someway, it will. (Crap, that sounded sappy....)

 

Do not follow her. I was in the same situation once. Saw her years later at a company dinner party. As she gave me my plate, I reconized her. All two hundred pounds of her.

 

Good one Mike. I needed that laugh.

Home for her is Juneau Alaska, currently we are in Fairbanks Alaska. I've been to Juneau. Ocean town, no roads in, just plane or boat.

Moving there is not a complete scrapping of my career. I'm working on getting my hours and ratings to become a commercial pilot. In Juneau there are small puddle jumpers (Bush planes on floats) and then there are the jets. You don't go from puddle jumpers to jets. And I'm not interested in jet flying.

In Fairbanks I work for a company that flies DC-6's & C-46's. Old prop driven aircraft. And we fly them in and out of villages and such. Fun fyling.

So I can still be a pilot in Juneau, just not forever.

As for the question on getting married. The answer is yes. I want to marry her. But I promised myself long ago that I would have all my schooling/training completed before I get hitched. I won't break that. She told me if it was up to her we'd already be married.

I do agree with you AJ. I've thought the same thing.

 

thats why you have two hands and theres skin flicks on cable... dont worry theres always another woman even if they are not right on the next corner!!


as for the other mike lol so what if shes 200 lbs in Alaska thats a great kind of woman ya stick her on the side of the bed by the window and she blocks all that cold air coming in!!

 

AJ Gross is right. If nothing else think of it this way. If she's a great girl who you want to be with and are willing to give up so much to be with her why is she so willing to give you up and move away? Because a) you don't mean that much to her or b) she likes having you around but only on her terms. People say marrige or a relationship is 50 50. Not true, it has to be 100 100 or it won't work. My 02

 

I like where I live a lot. And she likes where she grew up a lot. So for us to work one will have to give. And I know I'd feel bad if I made her stay here. And I wonder if I'll ever resent her for making me move where she wants. Seems like this relationship may come undone.

I wish love was mechanical, then I'd have the problem fixed. But to bad it isn't. Guess this is why life is so intersting. Thanks for to advice guys, keep it coming if you want.

 

I gave up a better paying job because my wife didn't want to move. I could not stand to be away from her, so I found another job. I'm very glad I did. I have 2 great kids and a happy wife. A job is just a job.

work to live, don't live to work. my $.02