Why can't a Buddhist use a vacuum cleaner?
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Because Buddhists don't have any attachments!

 

A student asked his Master "what IS the sound of one hand clapping?"

The Master slapped him.

 

*chuckle*

So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."
: The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
: "Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.
: The hot dog vendor responds: "Change must come from within."

 

ADMISSION TO HEAVEN - a Buddhist joke

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An Angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"

The Christian replies, "My ancester disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserved to enter Heaven." "OK," replies the Angel, "sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How to spell God?". It is an easy question and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, "I had not done any good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replied, "It sounds OK to me but I have to give you a test also. How to spell Allah?" Not too bad, and the Muslim passes the test.

Finally, it is the Buddhist turn, who tells the Angel,"I had done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five prescepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "that is very good, but there is no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, he agrees to take the test. The Angel then asks him: "How to spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

(The joke is funy but really doesn't make too much sense. When asked how to spell his God's name the buddhist should have remained silent- JK)

 

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, one not to change it.

 

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?

A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.

 

some mighty good knee slappers there. keep going!!

 

Bodhisattva?"

One heckuva good old Steely Dan song!

W/K