I've got a problem, fellas - need some advice.
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Postmaster
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 3,028
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From: Annapolis, Maryland
Here's some more info: We've been together for four years. Her mom knows quite well that I don't care for the sister or her boyfriend. It's never really been addressed, partially because her mom understands 100% why I don't care for them.
My main problem is that I'm not fun to be around when I'm in the company of people I don't like. They'll be lucky if I say two words the whole time I'm there. Neither of the idiots is a threat to me; they know not to mess with me. But I don't like being around them. Period. If I go, I'll end up just walking in, eating, and leaving without saying anything to anybody. I don't want to do that to my girlfriend or her mom, and I doubt they really want me around if that's the way it's going to be.
I think I'm just going to stay home and make some macaroni or something - at least I'll have the house to myself.
XXL
My main problem is that I'm not fun to be around when I'm in the company of people I don't like. They'll be lucky if I say two words the whole time I'm there. Neither of the idiots is a threat to me; they know not to mess with me. But I don't like being around them. Period. If I go, I'll end up just walking in, eating, and leaving without saying anything to anybody. I don't want to do that to my girlfriend or her mom, and I doubt they really want me around if that's the way it's going to be.
I think I'm just going to stay home and make some macaroni or something - at least I'll have the house to myself.
XXL
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Joined: Jun 1999
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From: Oregon
I think I'm just going to stay home and make some macaroni or something - at least I'll have the house to myself.
But you really ought to go. I get along great with my wifes parents. Her sister and the husband, well, I can tolerate them. Years ago I started building a garden shed for Mom. Told her what I wanted to do and that it would probably take years. She was all for it. First year it looked like a tar paper, two hole, out house. Now it's got a natural stone foundation and cedar shake siding w/ hand carved corners. Next trip I plan on improving the door. It gives me something to do while I'm there and makes the time fly by. The wifes folks love it and the other in-laws just fume in silence - I'm not being confrontational, in fact, I've earned a place in the family without really saying much at all.
My advise would by to find a low impact project to do a bit at a time. Maybe a landscaping thing or something your girls mom might like done. I've never known it being a sign of disrespect to ignore the host, as long as you're helping them out.
The Pacifier
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 8,245
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From: Cloverdale, BC
Take the high road, and explain sympathetically or appathetically (whatever the word is supposed to be) that you are regretfully but respectfully declining the Thanksgiving dinner. You say your girl's mom understands the situation, so she should understand your bowing out.
FIX YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS!
Joined: May 2002
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From: Central U.S
I don't get along with my girlfriends family at all, and still went to thier house for these events....For about 6 years.
It all came to a head about 4 years ago when her brother (One of those rich yuppie advertizing exec snobs) hit my dog. He put his cat out and put it right in front of my dog. Of course my dog chased and almost caught the cat so he hit him. I said "What did you expect?" Then he hit him again! I got up and headed for him and said "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!!!" His response? "F---you Mike" After that I had to put him in his place right in front of about 9 people.
With my fist.
That guy had been asking for it from me for years, and I got MUCH pleasure out of seeing him cower and fall.
Sorry. I'm getting off track here.....
Anyway...The way I delt with dealing with these people before "the incident" was to take a book along and plant my nose in it untill it was time to eat, only responded politely but curtly and if I was lucky her aunt would come from out of town and we would find a corner and talk for hours about current events. She was really great.
It all came to a head about 4 years ago when her brother (One of those rich yuppie advertizing exec snobs) hit my dog. He put his cat out and put it right in front of my dog. Of course my dog chased and almost caught the cat so he hit him. I said "What did you expect?" Then he hit him again! I got up and headed for him and said "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!!!" His response? "F---you Mike" After that I had to put him in his place right in front of about 9 people.
With my fist.
That guy had been asking for it from me for years, and I got MUCH pleasure out of seeing him cower and fall.
Sorry. I'm getting off track here.....
Anyway...The way I delt with dealing with these people before "the incident" was to take a book along and plant my nose in it untill it was time to eat, only responded politely but curtly and if I was lucky her aunt would come from out of town and we would find a corner and talk for hours about current events. She was really great.
Postmaster
Joined: Nov 2002
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From: The Star-Club, Hamburg
Kill them with kindness.... when the snotty sister gives you that "down her nose" look, smile at her and tell her how nice she looks. When the dumb as a ball peen hammer boyfriend says something stupid, nod your head and look thoughtful. Chances are that the parents know about the faults of their daughter and her boyfriend, and will judge you on how you react to them. And by not blowing your stack and knocking the fecal matter out of them, your girlfriend will respect you even more.
Posting Guru
Joined: Jun 2002
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From: inver grove heights MN
hey just glue yourself to the TV... if i remember right theres a football game on every thanksgiving
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Joined: Apr 2003
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From: Perkasie, Pa.
Try This, It works well!
I have a similar situation with some of my wifes relatives. We are forced to see them on major holidays. So my wife and I make a game out of it. We actually engage them in conversation about themselves, with the intent of seeing who can help the idiots say the stupidest or most pretentious comments. It's a fun game, basically you play them up and get the ball rolling, then you urge them along in their stupidity with complimentry comments and encouragement. The one who incites the idiots to say the stupidest or most self centered comment wins. It' actually pretty fun and makes the evening bareable, While at the same time making it seem that you actually like the idiots! They can never tell if your laughing with them or at them. Try it it's fun.
Elder User
Joined: Jun 2002
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From: Zville, Ohio u.s.a.
Just act mature and professional and strike up conversations with her dad. When he sees how different the two of you guys are he'll realize that at least one of his daughters is on the right track. I'm getting stuck with my girlfriends parents who are no longer very high on my list anymore but I'll make it through. Just remember, It can't last forever. Good luck to us both.
Elder User
Joined: Oct 2003
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I've been in your shoes for almost 20 years now. (girlfriend now my wife)
At first when they said stupid stuff, I would argue and debate them.
After so many years of it, I just let it go now and bitch about it on the way home.
Inlaws seem to be offended that I don't play their game anymore but there is nothing they can do really.
Over the years, my wife has come more and more over to my side from the cult that is her family. Use to be more of a problem when she was at a stage where she was still dependent on them for financial support in college, you should try to not make it so its them or you- you would probably not get anywhere.
She still is affected by their opinions but trys to act like not.
At first when they said stupid stuff, I would argue and debate them.
After so many years of it, I just let it go now and bitch about it on the way home.
Inlaws seem to be offended that I don't play their game anymore but there is nothing they can do really.
Over the years, my wife has come more and more over to my side from the cult that is her family. Use to be more of a problem when she was at a stage where she was still dependent on them for financial support in college, you should try to not make it so its them or you- you would probably not get anywhere.
She still is affected by their opinions but trys to act like not.
Posting Guru
Joined: Sep 2003
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From: Near Wamego KS
I go with vuduranger26 ........"Dude get over it"
If they bug you that much, get off your **** and go help your girlfriend and her mom make the dinner, even if it does consist of stading around talking and picking food off plates as they are prepared. Otherwise stay home.
I have over 30+ inlaws to see on my wifes' side and over 40 people sitting around the tables at my mom's, trust me there's plenty of aggravation to go around, and I'm sure I dish out my fair share. Pick your room and your company, if you can't do that stay home, no need to ruin everybody's day, including yours.
If they bug you that much, get off your **** and go help your girlfriend and her mom make the dinner, even if it does consist of stading around talking and picking food off plates as they are prepared. Otherwise stay home.
I have over 30+ inlaws to see on my wifes' side and over 40 people sitting around the tables at my mom's, trust me there's plenty of aggravation to go around, and I'm sure I dish out my fair share. Pick your room and your company, if you can't do that stay home, no need to ruin everybody's day, including yours.
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Postmaster
Joined: May 2002
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From: Annapolis, Maryland
Originally posted by Bruin52
Just act mature and professional and strike up conversations with her dad. When he sees how different the two of you guys are he'll realize that at least one of his daughters is on the right track. I'm getting stuck with my girlfriends parents who are no longer very high on my list anymore but I'll make it through. Just remember, It can't last forever. Good luck to us both.
Just act mature and professional and strike up conversations with her dad. When he sees how different the two of you guys are he'll realize that at least one of his daughters is on the right track. I'm getting stuck with my girlfriends parents who are no longer very high on my list anymore but I'll make it through. Just remember, It can't last forever. Good luck to us both.
That's one of my problems with him - the only thing he talks about are cars, guns, and now Dodge trucks. You can't comprehend how obnoxious it is.
Good luck!
XXL
Elder User
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 719
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From: Long Island USA
Load up the Expy and come to NY................................Got a spare room.........................ANd you might have a little bit more fun than being in an uncomfortable situation...........................
Posting Guru
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From: N. Florida - The "No 4x4
I would go - BY ALL MEANS.
Especially in light of what you have just said.
What better oppurtunity could there be to sneak a "Drugs Steal and Guns Kill Keople" bumper sticker and a . . you know that kid that pees on different things . . sticker of him peeing on a RAM head, on his vehicle ?!?!?!?!?!?!
Now, think about it; with him inside, and you knowing this stuff is outside on his vehicle, won't it be ~just a little~ easier to smile at him and act happy??
Especially in light of what you have just said.
What better oppurtunity could there be to sneak a "Drugs Steal and Guns Kill Keople" bumper sticker and a . . you know that kid that pees on different things . . sticker of him peeing on a RAM head, on his vehicle ?!?!?!?!?!?!
Now, think about it; with him inside, and you knowing this stuff is outside on his vehicle, won't it be ~just a little~ easier to smile at him and act happy??