The Guy goes to his meditation Specialist and says,
"My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted,
or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep.
It's just horrible!" "It will pass," Meditation Specialist says matter-of-factly.
A week later, the Guy goes back to his Meditation specialist.
"My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware,
so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!"
"It will pass," the Meditation Specialist replied matter-of-factly.

 

I just saw the other day that the young Chinese lay in bed because they believe they have no future.
They each will have to support 100 retired old ****s. For the rest of their lives. Wow, just Wow. WWIII ?

Guy goes to the Dr. with a Stuttering problem. Doc checks him over and tells him his Penus is so long
it stretches his vocal cords down past his knees. Says, Penus removal / shortening is the only fix. Guy decides to have the surgery. His life then takes off, women love meeting him, he finally marries. Wedding night they are in their room, he wakes up, she says, "that was the worst night of my life!" Guy goes back to the Doc and says, "I need you to reattach my dick. Doc says, "tha tha th th it its ta ta toooo la la la la la ate."

 

The Rabbi steps off the boat in the new world. His goal is to build a new church in the wilderness and raise a congregation.

So, after some time, his small Congregation gather around him asking him about God and stuff. Are the Church building crew hired and all the necessary church needs.

Well, the rabbi has to tell them about the Critters in the wilderness, he looks like he got the worst of it. He's in a body cast and there's

no way he's getting out of bed any time soon. He tells them about the Bear. They look on in wonder then ask him what happened. He

looks at His Young Congregational members and says "Well, I probably should've started with something different than circumcision...."

 

He found his day job in design.////doubles as a ///rednecks urinal.

 

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep

 

 

Guy's driving through the country and sees a horse standing in the pasture near the split rail fense.
Guy tuurns up the drive and meets the Farmer, asking about buying the beautiful Filly? "Afraid not,"
said the farmer. "I'll give you $10,000. "I can't sell you that horse. She doen't look too good," replied the farmer.
"I know horses, and she looks fine. I'll give you $15,000." "Well, all right, if you want her so bad."
The next day, Guy returns the horse, screaming that he had been conned. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you she didn't look too good."

 

Warren Haynes Plays U2's One Unplugged I Louder | Watch (msn.com)

 

 

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies,
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however,
the best piece of ash I have ever knocked-knocked my pecker up." .....

 

Two Old Gals are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first Old Gal asks, "What do you do about It?"
The second OLD GAL replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

 

Two guy are on a life raft. Their delirious, it’s been days. Food an drink mostly wasted in high sea storms. Ned sees a mermaid beckon to him. Later Ned slips under the wave to her. Chuck misses his friend, feel bad about his shellfish hoarding of food and water. Later high seas overturn the raft and Chucky drowns. Ned and Val (a mermaid ) revive Chuck. They introduce Flora ( an octopus’s)to Chuck and she hauls his *** off. The Moral is its bad Karma to be shellfish!

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen start talking, and one says, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.

I would recommend it very highly.” The other man says, “What's the name of the restaurant?”

The first old guy thinks a bit and finally says, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know… the one that's red and has thorns.” “Do you mean a rose?” “Yes, that's the one,” replied the old guy.

He then yells, “Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

 

Two Old Farts are sitting on a Park Bench. One suddenly says, "I need to rush home and make love to my Wife."
The other old Fart says, "Hell your 90 years old, what you saying?"
"We make love 3 times a day." "How do you manage that?" "Pumpernickel Bread, I eat it."
So, the Second Old Fart goes to the Bread Factory Store and says, "I want all your Pumpernickel Bread."
The sales lady says, "It will get hard."
"Why does everybody know that except me!"