^Goes to the lawn mower store to get a push type self propelled. Salesman talks him into a 360 degree EV mower. Is now turning in a circle in his front for the past 2 hours. Soon it will be dead. His lil woman has been tossing him buds with the bar code as a Flag. He realizes Bud has its **** together. He can't count on much but he can count on a cold bud from his lil woman ! Dizzy now, staggering into the house lil woman asks him to go take a cold tub soak !

 

^^ City inspector shows up at camp. Says neighbors called to report they had dug an oil well and the burn off was lighting up their yard all night. He laughs & tells them it's not that at all. They were partying last night & having a fart lighting contest!

 

^Sheriff drops by the house and tells him he has to do something about all the bodies laying in or near the Street Gutter ! He asks the Sheriff if he has any idea how hard it is to get #1000 Sisters and #12oo Brothers to get moving. Sheriff sympathizes with him, says he sort of has the same problem with his kids & offers to have his Brother in Law stop by with his Flatbed Transport with the Winch on it to load, haul and dump em wherever he wants 2. They agree on the Fee and only Stipulation is in the next state over !

 

^^ Walks his dog by his neighbors' house & lets him take a dump on his yard daily. Neighbor gets pissed & collects the droppings in a paper bag. After the accumulation reaches 1 lb. he makes a catapult, wets the bag, & launches it into the compound at night. Dog poop mortar lands on them as they're sitting around the 55 gal. drum fire passing the bong around. Holy crap!(no pun intended) Where did that come from? They think it was some kind of bird so they spend the rest of the night researching bird poop. They spread it out on a piece of plywood to analyze the content. They are playing like they're biologists or something, searching for small bones, berries, or anything that may give them a clue to the origins of the defecate material. Finally one of them spots a keychain that they thought they lost & put 2+2 together and know the camp dog is the specimen contributor and they were given payback by the neighbor for the dog pooping transgression. Moral of the story: Clean up after your dog.

 

^Follows the Book of Hoyle when playing Poker, Looses. Puts mirror on wall to see opponents hands, looses. Hires girls to stand behing opponents and signal their hands to him. Looses. Can't read backwards or understand hand signals. Is too clumsy/arthritic to shuffle cards good. Staying up all night wearing sunglasses is really twerking him. He decides the Book of Hoyle is crapolla ! ↓↓ Stay tuned for next episoide in the "Twisted Life of Herman" , his log.

 

^^ Goes in for fertility test. Is required to give a sample but fails that part of test. Girlie magazines fail to do it for him. Goes home in shame. Comes back next week and produces sample in record time. What was the difference, you ask? Well, to keep from a repeat failure he snuck in his National Geographic magazine! works every time.

 

^takes the power chair to the Country Mart for Lotto tickets. Buys $20 and asks the Clerk to scratch them. Can't read asks the Clerk to decipher them. ↓↓ ( thas the next entry in his "Twisted life of Herman" Journal )

 

^^ Buys a pool table but it has 2 8 *****. Can't figure out why ha can't seem to win a game. Trades it in on a vintage foosball game. Can't seem to keep the other guy from scoring. Doesn't notice his goalie's foot is broken off. Trades that n on a dart game. Can't seem to hit the board and when he does the darts just bounce off. Doesn't notice the dirt dobber nests on the dart board & the dried wads of bubble gum on the darts. Frustrated, he retreats to his camp-cave & just plays his Pac-Man game.......

 

^Breaks his trifocal glasses falling out of his power chair going at high speeds along the old R.R Track. (next entry in "The Twisted life of Herman" Journal.) Finds a broken bottle, chips away at it until the bottom is a Magnifying glass, Forgets and lets it in the sun on the porch & sets the south facing porch on fire & has been able to move back in. Preparing to enter the episode into his Meaningless "Twisted life of Herman" Journal. ↓↓ Adds a sub-note about not letting magnifying glass run around out in the sunny day

 

^^ Mines 20 year old threads on hobo-forum website looking for pen-pals. Believes his lost love is waiting for him on there. Posts pics of camp modifications in "How-To" sections and immediately gets several garbage can lids, which are the equivalent of Rep Points. Likes this system, says it reminds him of the good ol' days........

 

^Sees an old Soccer ball in his back yard & dribbles it around a bit. Goes to Lumber yard for netting and 2x2's has them cut to length. Hauls them back on his lap in the power chair' Puts them together with screws and his 12 volt drill driver. Goes back to lumber yard because he forgets chicken wire for the goal. has it wrap all up in his wheels on power chair and discovers he now has twice the amount needed so builds another goal. Now he needs Goalies so builds swing hands powered by egg beater motors. Goes inside and changes into his old soccer team outfit. Realizes the holes are because it no longer fits him. Oh well Writes all about it in his "Twisted Life of Herman" log. Then goes out to practice, gets wrapped up in one of the swinging arms because of the holy outfits many hanging strings. Is helpless until Lil woman comes home from her job at Maciy's Laundry & Dri Cleaners ! She then takes his Old Henry hunting knife to the mess and he ends up well shaven man but poorly dressed ! ↓↓ Picture him up set in his power chair hanging from a thread wrapped around the Egg Beater motor and getting whacked by the Cannon towel at the end of the arm ever cycle all crashing to the ground, ☻↑↑end of Chapter 2 ! → → to be continued !

 

^^ Takes turns w/ fellow camp members in back hair art competition. He does corn rows on one fellow while another one shaves his into a maze type pattern. The winner was the spinal mullet culminating with the rat tail at the waist line. Female sideburn is next up.

 

^As Chapter 3 of "The Twisted Life of Herman" begins our Hero finds himself in Traction in the Local Clinic waiting room ! asks. " what the other Sign on the wall means" and the Lil Ole Lady says "Local Clinic Waiting Room" His Friend Karen stops by to see how he is doing and hands him a Hamm's Beer ! Karen and Herman get thrown out of the Local Clinic Waiting Room into the parking lot. He asks Karen, " what's next ?" ↓↓ (The Journal fades out here for some hours) it would seem Herman passed out on Karen's arm ! There is no mention of it in the Journal but that could seem a good possibility especially after a 12 pack of Hamm's (the land of Sky Blue waters ! At this point there is References in the Journal (that Herman) is no longer a stranger to pain ! ↑↑ Herman dreams he is a RAF WWII pilot In a burning Hurricane about to Jump Out ! ↓ More of the Chapter 3 episodes to follow soon references to Our Hero joining the "Elite Unit" of Army Wranglers ! The Journal goes on to compound the Episode about a group who sky dive out of planes at very high altitudes to get really close up pictures of the western wild horse population and our Hero has been put thru Wrangler Boot camp to bruise every bone in his body Breaking them Horses to be pack animals.
Karen appears to be an additional member of Herman's Crack Team and pilots the Helicopter, bring Hamm's to the Wrangler Camp Each afternoon ! There is no mention as to How Herman can get out of his Power chair and onto a Wild Horse but one can imagine some kind of jury rigged Jib Crane ! ↓↓This chapter is written in Gung Ho Italics → →

 

^^ OK, I see you're in the zone now....... I'll be back tomorrow. Got to let this cool down for a while.....

 

^Our Hero, & His Chapter 3's final last entries into "The Twisted Life of Herman" Journal States the weather is good, the horses fresh and he still hurts a lot ! Also a considerable amount of Horse Dung is located on his bottom side ! ↓↓ The Wrangler Bunch goes to town to recoup life forces with Karen's Helicopter leaving Karen to tend Herman's wounds! Their last communication to Karen is they will return with a Company of Mariners to keep the Compound well guarded setting up a perimeter in the Hills surrounding the Corral and tents area. The down side is getting cold beer to all these guys as the group has now swelled to near 100 Meatballs ! ↑↑ Karen States We gonna have to rent another Copter ! Herman offers up his F150 and a Horse trailer that is meant to haul the broke Pack horses to Fort Larrimore. ↓↓ Which turns out to be a Group of Condos with Breezeway garages. ← →