I hope I violate no rules here, but we're all adults here.
In the army, my radar section was housed in a small metal building. We had one very large guy who would snore like a jet plane with his mouth wide open. On Sunday while he was sleeping, a group of us decided to play a joke on him. We went to the mess hall and got a weenie and I drew the short straw. One guy with the weenie stood on one side of his bunk while I stood on the other side with my fly open and my you-know-what out. The guy with the weenie started sticking it in his mouth and he started to sputter and then his eyes opened. He opened his eyes, saw me there, and came off the bunk with murder in his eyes. He chased me over bunks and around the stove while I kept yelling, "Show him the weenie - show him the weenie"! I finally got far enough in front of him to get out the door and get away. From that time on, when two guys would get in an altercation, others would say, "Show him the weenie".
Dono

 

As humorous as it was, I think that story has set back your campaign considerably. So if you need a spin doctor....

whistler

 

You got it all wrong whistler... thats his new slogan!
"Mr. President, can you explain the recent bombing of the childrens hospital in the middle east?"
"Show him the weenie!"

 

..I think we've found one.


LOL.


Whistler

 

Hmmmm, back to the topic.....Not my accident but kinda funny anway. My stepdad was working out in the garage and set his small propane torch (while lit) on the work bench. Well the little brother was always out bothering him while he was trying to work and this time happened to stand next to the workbench. Next thing we know, the sleeve of his coat is in flames and Dave (my stepdad) is yelling for him to take it off. He does and goes flying for the bathroom to drop it in the tub and hose it down.

 

I was wheelin' my first truck, a little pos 2wd when the bling-bling tailpipe extension came off. Well, like a moron I went and picked it up with my whole hand not just two fingers or anything else semi-intelligent. I could not close my hand for a week for the blisters. Had to hide it from my parents, too because I wasn't supposed to by driving.I went to a Rush concert that night and drove the waitress crazy asking for cups of ice. I showed it to her and she screamed.

 

This was dumb, but not too funny.

When I was in Viet Nam I was helping the crew chief load white phosporus rockets into the tubes on wing of the spotter plane. We had loaded all but one and were anxious to get done so we could go into the villiage for a few brews. He dropped the rocket into the tube, and whoosh, it fired and went sailing clear to the other side of the camp. They said it fired because of static electricity.

The same mechanic was working on the engine of the Cesna a few days later and was up on top of the cowling with his legs hanging over. He was supposed to have the magneto off, but somehow he turned the prop and it kicked back and cut his leg off.

 

a while back i was at a party. i had just got done with mary jane outside in the backyard on his deck and i was not all there. well i felt a burst of energy and decided i was going to run inside where all the people were. all my girlfriends were waving at me from inside. i had forgotten that there was a big plastic clear sliding door that you had to open to get in. i ran into it going as fast i could, knocked myself out, bounced off the door and fell off the 10 foot deck onto a bunch of boulders. this worse part is that everybody saw me do it, there was a bunch of laughing until i fell off the deck. than they thought i was dead. well i woke up 4 minutes later with a metal rod impaled in my left butt cheek. needless to say i pulled it out on the spot and needed a couple of stiches. neither i or anybody will forget that night

 

About 3 years ago my son got one of those "in-line" scooters. I've wheelied bicycles, dirt bikes, 3 wheelers, 4 wheelers and street bikes, so I figure "I'll wheelie this thing!".
So down the drive way I went, nice head of steam built up, I slide my feet to the back of the scooter and give the handles bars a nice JERK............
Next thing I new I was parallel to the ground, a few feet in the air, looking down my legs at the scooter flying off into never-never land. I hit the ground (asphalt), flat on my back, like a TON!!!!
It hurt REALLY REALLY bad. My son came over and said "Dad! You should know better than that!"
I still hurt from smashing my left butt bone into the driveway.

 

I'm not big on the "that's funny" posts where people add nothing to the thread other than a laugh... but that's just hilarious! The kid disciplining dad!

ON EDIT: Just so I can add something to the thread, here's another of my stories. I was cleaning gutters on a rental property of my family's about a month ago. My dad hates when I do anything he considers dangerous (i.e. climbing ladders, etc) and has told me repeatedly to hire someone for these tasks. I refused to hear anything of it. I used a crappy old aluminum extension ladder I had lying around (the only non-Type 1A commercial duty ladder I own) and was doing fine... until I was done with the job and tried to descend from the roof.

Well, the ladder's feet skipped out on me (stupid stupid stupid -- always brace your ladders!). I was descending with my back to the ladder, and was about 20 feet in the air. The ladder hit the ground -- a wooden deck -- and I fell on top of it. I should have been paralyzed (or worse) given I would have landed on my back, but I managed to flip my body over in the air, and brace my arms in front of me, elbows bent.

I broke some ribs, ripped a chunk of meat out of the inside of my lip with my teeth, put a gash on my face from my lip to my chin, long gash just about all the way down my right arm, smaller gash on my left arm, 3 fingers swollen to double their normal size (mom said something about a ligament I tore on one of the fingers), golf-ball sized swelling on my right hand, hematomas on both legs. Thank God mom & dad are both doctors! Didn't even go to the hospital. While waiting for my parents to arrive (about 5 minutes away), I put my ladders away in the truck and cleaned up after myself. I had to wrap my t-shirt around my arm to keep from bleading all over the place.

Spent the next 2-3 days on pain killers (it was all kind of a blur to me). Cuts healed for the most part within a week (as clumsy as I am, fortunately I heal quickly). The ribs took longer.

As soon as I was off the pain killers, I went out and bought a brand new fiberglass Type 1A commercial extension ladder. With my ribs as bad as the were, I couldn't lift carry it from the Home Depot to the register, much less my truck, so I tipped one of the guys there to do it for me. The next day, I raised it to maximum extension, propped it against my house (THIS TIME, I BRACED THE FEET) and climbed up, broker rib & all. Gotta' get right back on that horse! I still have the aluminum ladder that I fell on hanging around the back yard as a souvenier. All bent & twisted, with two of the rungs nearly popped-out of the frame. It's amazing I didn't get hurt worse as bad as the ladder (or what's left of it) looks.

 

ok you know the movie the cristmas story, and that kid that wanted the red rider bb gun,you will shoot your eye out. well dad bought me one at x=mas one year i tink i was 7-8 but any how was up north at grndamas house and decided to shoot a goose flower pot, not thinking its plastic, well i shot and the bb bouced back and hit me right btween the eyes, so that was the last of shooting plastic things, done other stuff like tryed starting the lawn moer with my hand on the spark plug (yea i know i am samrt one)

 

I once had the same happen with a pellet, only I was shooting at a bird on a sapling, and missed and hit the trunk. Bounced right back and hit me in the ear. Tought me not to shoot at song birds.

 

Hmmm, I did think of stupid things I've done to hurt myself.

The one that happened first, was when I was about 10 or 11 maybe 12, we had the christmas tree lights plugged into an extension cord and I was reaching around behind the tree trying to plug them in, and couldn't find the outlet,so I held the prongs (duhhhhh) and found the wholes and zappppp. Owwwwiiieeee! Brought tears to my eyes.

The other time was just a few months ago, when my husband and I bought our house there wasn't a phone jack in the place and then we discovered that there was also no box on the side of the house. So I called Qwest (anyone else have them on their top 10 list of people to avoid at all costs?) and had them reconnect service to the house. Well, they got the service to the very edge of the house but didn't install the box like they should have. My stepdad had an old box so my little brother and I were hooking it up one day while my husband was at work. Well, the wires qwest ran came no further than the VERY edge of the house so we had to run a short piece to the bottom of the house to put the box in. Well, I connected the short piece to the hot wires and was getting ready to tape them together, so I held both wires together(the bare ends) that made my fingers numb for about half a day......

I just realized both of my dumb times were (not that there aren't more...just the first two that came to mind) involving electricity.Maybe I should avoid electricity from here on out???Or learn something from my mistakes...that's probably a better idea....

 

long story short, me a friend two gas powered golf carts...going down hill we are going to swap golf carts on the run...he makes it i dont...now i got large scars on wrist and hip, and when everyone asks what they are from I ignore the question and say DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.

 

wow that ladder story just reminded me... but i was in better shape than that guy

used a customers ladder one time to trim the top of a fairly tall pine tree, since my Jameson poles were too short. well, it was a flimsey POS ladder than gave out from under me, i landed on my right ribs on top of the side of the ladder leg... i weigh about 185-190, CRUSHED the ladder, got up swearing, bent it back into place and put it away. that was enough for one job. just a huge bruise on my ribs that lasted 2 weeks. i guess us Millers are to stubborn, or too dumb to feel pain