Say, for example, you're chasing a very intermittent dead pedal along with a very frequent P0720 code for the OSS. Say you verify the sensor is working properly, replace it even! Say you check the wiring for continuity, short to ground, and short to power and everything checks out fine. Perhaps it's the throttle pedal, wherein lurks the mother****ing ******* bitch faced **** munching TPS. Say you call the dealership and ask for a price on the aforementioned mother****ing ******* bitch faced **** munching TPS and you hear $416.xx. 'It's integral to the pedal assembly for your year sir'.

**** that, I worked on F-18's and EP-3E's for nearly nine years of my life, I can build an 1100hp N/A LSX that spins 10,200rpm, I have a sleeper Excursion, I have made miniature human beings by the enjoyable sex, and I can pat my head whilst running circles on my tummy flawlessly. Let's take apart the pedal assembly and clean things...

DO NOT ****ING TAKE THE PEDAL ASSEMBLY APART. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

Once you pick up all the pieces, which entails FINDING THE SONS OF BITCHES after they launch across your open concept living/kitchen/dining area, you should have the following mini sons of bitches:



Now, make them look like this:



You may be thinking, 'Hey Matt... You're missing some key assembly pictures here...' Yes, yes I am. For if you do not heed this warning, and you disassemble your throttle pedal assembly on a 2001 Excursion without proper training in the dark magical arts of retaining springs, re-winding about 15 feet of coiled metallic strip spring (DO NOT EVEN ASK), and wizarding up three other hands that have the ability to defy the space/time continuum and occupy the same space at the same time without interfering with one another, YOU DESERVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW IT ****ING GOES BACK TOGETHER YOURSELF YOU FOOL!

Stewart wanted a video for the LOL Factor. Neither of us have the time to do the necessary editing of many swear words, and if his laughter on the phone while I was struggling with this is any indication - he would probably die of a laughter induced aneurism during the bleeping process. Razzi, I waggle my middle finger at you sir for your "I told you so" during our phone call.

 

Oh look, new sig line.



While reading a text, last week, from a "more hip than I am" person I saw the abbreviation "SMH".

Not knowing what it was my admin looked it up "Shaking My Head" was the answer but then again all you FB, Instagramers, SnapChatters, Redditters and whatever else you kids call it these days knew that already, so I invented my own.

WMMF - Wave My Middle Finger

WMMF beyotches.

Note to self: spend the $416.00

 

This makes me love my throttle CABLE haha

 

I have emoji's and choice words for the both of you, however I like not temporarily joining Brent.

 

I usually have Wendy rebuild mine. She does it for fun every few weeks. Upside down, blindfolded while listening to One Direction. She told me to tell you to "Stop being a little bitch and get on her level".

 

Krazee,
That is perhaps the most entertaining description of a mod, ever.

Stewart,
Tech folder needs a "DO NOT MOD" thread.

 

I don't have an excursion, my truck has a carburetor, so I really don't know why or how I ended up here, but I am glad I did. Reps for you, OP.

 

As Russ pointed out good sir, you have a cable throttle. You know not of my spring-loaded demonic rheostat devices.

 

Much obliged sir for putting this smile on my face while reading your post on this frustrating day here. If I knew how to send reps, assuming that I even can, I would because I needed this laugh. Thank you.

 

That's why Matt did this thing named Read First.

 

I'm glad it could make some people laugh and smile

For future reference, if you look at the top right corner of the header panel for each post, you'll see the post number in the thread. Beside that is a little scale, that's where you click to add reps and a comment if you so desire.

Not fishing for one, just for your knowledge

 

Silver lining then! It's nice that some good could come out of that terrible monstrosity. The only reason I found one of the return springs hiding under the fireplace is because the dog was rooting around sniffing at something. That little skank monger flew a solid 20 feet through the kitchen, over the couch, and across the damn living room.

I have yet to reveal the scratches on the kitchen table to the wife figure. I fear it may be my undoing, much like that tightly could metallic strip sling inside the TPS module. The one that I debated taking apart while on the phone with @Stewart_H... Yep, Stewart old buddy... I took it apart. I have NEVER seen something escape from its hellish realm with such fury before. The only thing that comes close is Killary's soul once it attempted to return home to the dark wench's cavernous gaping cursed Neverland. The One Upon A Time TV series version.

Yeay, as I tinker through the chasm of throttle pedal assemblies not available as separate entities, dost a crinkling reminiscent of tin cry break forth through the muttered swear words and curses upon engineers' collective mothers. And behold! A glinting savior doth catapult skyward, freed from its captive dwelling wherest it hath spent over a decade stuffed into a dark abyss, contorted around itself, yearning to be free, pining to stretch forth its, uh, solitary limb... The tool operator shouteth forth, "Holy ****ing **** what the **** are you doing!?" as it spirals and whips towards the first glimpse of light and freedom it hath beholden in years!

NEVER. AGAIN.

 

Now that you got the pedal assembly together I have to wonder........did it fix your original problem?????? Or did I miss that part? You obviously have a lot more smarts and patience than I. I think that I would have been throwing other things around the room when the assembly exploded. Not sure that I could have gone back to it like you to reassemble but it is funny what one will do when mucho dolares and necessity are involved.

 

Now that you have completed your training, you are a true Excursion Jedi. I hope one day I am equal to half your knowledge and wrench-hood. Your cape should arrive in 3-5 days.

 

So far, knock on wood (for the love of God knock on wood!), things have been cooperating once more. We shall see, last time I 'fixed' things it was ok for a day or two before returning to the typical bull**** shenanigans.

PS - many things were indeed thrown around once the assembly disintegrated into 2.8 bazillion pieces