I understand some of you younger married guys are getting into trouble. Maybe this will help.

> >
> > > THE HORMONE WARNING:

> > > The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
> > > all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his
> >own
> > > hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
> > >license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
other!
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
> > >
> > > SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
> > >
> > > SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
> > >
> > > SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
> > >
> > > SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
> > >
> > > SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
> > >
> > > SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
> > >
> > > SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
> > >
> > > SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
> > >
> > > SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
> > >
> > > SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
> > >
> > >
> > > DANGEROUS: Who hit the garage door AGAIN?
> > >
> > > SAFER: I never liked that fender anyway.
> > >
> > > SAFEST: Boy the car sure cuts through the wind now.
> > >
> > > ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
> > >
> > > Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and
> > > those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning.
> > >
> > > And remember: Money talks.... But Chocolate sings
> >
>

 

Dear Lord :

I pray ...
For wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
Patience for his moods;
Because Lord if I pray for Strength -
I'll beat him to death.


Hmmmmm - maybe I should just have some chocolate.

 

Is it true that they call it PMS because Mad Cow disease was already taken?

 

Because if Men started talking about beating a Woman to Death, people wouldn't think it was very cute. It's knows as the built in excuse for everything.

 

Combine 1977RangerXLT's hormone warning advice with the ability to think before we speak and we will have it made. The other day my pen was missing. I immediately suspected my wife, but instead of accusing her, said, "Hmmm, my pen is missing, I must have mislaid it." (This is even better because now I am blaming myself for her action.) She immediately replied, "No, sorry, I borrowed it." Would that I had replied better the week before when against my resistance to painting the badly peeling back garage window she said, "Sometimes I think you are a slob." My reply, thoughtless and like reflex was, "I am." Boy did she blow up. Guess who painted the back garage window? I even tried to explain how they take photos of beautifully restored cars in front of old paint peeling barns and that her flower box would look great against the peeling window backdrop, but she would not buy it.

 

I heard that they have found a food that deminishes a woman's sex drive - it's called wedding cake.
Dono

 

It also diminishes the romance gene in men.

Brace yourself Mildred!

 

Being in the Army we have acronyms down pat, and P.M.S. stands for **** and Moan Syndrome. Really its a genetic disorder that only relapses on the 28th day of the month. It is also suddenly triggered by the medula oblongata, chemical reactions to some of the most common things men do will trigger a violent reaction!

Only married 1 1/2 now and I am sure I will become even wiser as the years go by.

 

and i thought pms meant putting up with mens sh** lol

 

That would be 'PUWMS'. It could stand for Punish My Spouse.

 

Everybody is on a roll today.......

 

I am still ROFL. I can hardly wait for the wife to get home!!!!!

 

I learned a set of rules like that fairly early. It has contributed to 20 years without too many bruises on my body.

 

If you buy her a cast iron frying pan, make sure it's to big and heavy for her to swing. Gives you time for duck and cover.
28 yrs with the same woman, you learn to be fast. Selective hearing loss helps.