The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and
he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

My husband, not happy with my mood
swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he
would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a
good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood,
it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds. Here, have some chocolate.

 

HAHAHA...I used to make sure that I was allowed to have one weekend a month where I could be, uh....a bit more tense? *ducking mood ring* It actually made it kind of fun(ny).