This is the tuff part. How much of this are you willing to give up, or slow down. Let her know what your plans are as far as what you will not give up doing. Instant family is not quite the same as instant coffee.

Good luck and hope you find what you are looking for.

 

x2
I married my wife 25 years ago, she had 2 children when we tied the knot. After 25 years, we are still together and still love each other. My wife and I now have seven grand-kids, with an eighth on the way.
Just love her and her kid for who they are and be yourself. Obviously there will have to be plenty of compromise on both sides if you want it to work for any length of time. You have to show honesty, trust and respect to people, if you want them to show it to you.

 

I married the woman of my dreams. It was the second marriage, for each.
Long story short. . . this woman was going through a divorce, the same as I was.
She had an almost 6 year old son, when we started dating, AGAIN. (We dated YEARS before!)

Yes, this woman had a son. Some of my friends called him "baggage".
So what?
We started dating, again, and got married.

This boy is now 30 years old, and is one of MY kids!!
His biological Dad has only been a 'friend', that loves to 'cut him down' and treat him like a piece of garbage.
His father has NEVER helped do anything. He's only been a 'fair weather friend'.
I've been that boy's Dad. He and I both know that I am not his Father, but, he knows that I have been and will always be his 'Dad' and the guy he can go to, for anything.


Young man, you've earned reps for taking that little girl out, along with her Mom!!

If it is 'meant to be'. . . so be it.
That little girl needs love and affection, the same as you and that young lady do.


And convey to that young lady, THANK YOU for her service to this great country!!!!!

 

Ouch.. I might just get slayed here.. and I am sorry up front.

I have dated many single moms.. the children is the hardest part.. MY experience, the break up sucked, not because of the woman, but because of the kids. I had one boy that I loved the hell out of, when his mother cheated on me, we broke up. The boy found a way to my house.. wanted to know why I didnt like him anymore.

I still see some of the kids from way back, but it gets hard because some of these moms are now married, and the people they married no longer want me seeing the kids, or, now my wife doesnt really want me around X's

I just dont know about involving the child up front.. Dont get me wrong.. they sometimes are the best part about the relationship.. but always the hardest when it is over.

I hate being the naysayer.. but this is just the scars I wear from this.. Good Luck!!

 

My 25 year old brother is dating some woman almost 10 years older than him that has 3 kids, the oldest of which is 11...personally I think he's crazy but he seems to like her.

 

Lots of good advice here...as with any dating relationship...proceed with caution. Your heart...and...your head...will guide you.

 

When I first started dating my husband,,, over 21 years ago,,, my son had just turned one.

I told him, after a few weeks,,,

If you keep hanging around here,,, he's gonna start calling you Dad.

He said,,, God!! I hope so!!!

My heart melted and it was game on from there!!!

 

Be yourself and don't worry about trying to impress anyone - - - you already did by including the girl. Too many single Moms are faced with guys who don't have a home, don't have a full-time job, no money, or no benefits. Show her you care, take your time, and you'll do fine.

 

Yes, I have dated and been friends with many single mothers. I've seen good and bad relationships, and speak from experience.

My best piece of advice to you is this: Go VERY gently into this relationship. Make completely sure that you are ready for an instant family, and the baggage associated with being a step father.

You need to let the mother know EXACTLY how you feel about the situation, and where you stand with regard to what you are willing to do to keep the relationship going to a possible marriage. Along with that, you need to know what you will be willing to sacrifice in order to keep the relationship with her and the child. For the relationship to work, you both need to work towards a common goal, and not be in a "take it or leave it" type of situation. With a child involved, things can get rather messy when a break up occurs.

Also, tread gently with the child. I have seen many kids get attached to a male in their life and later see this person leave the relationship. The child goes through feelings of abandonment, even though it is not their fault.

Again, if there is something that I will repeat about relationships with people with children, it is this: Tread gently, especially with the child, make your position known about what you expect from the relationship going forward, and keep your eyes open for anything that may be a relationship breaker.

 

Originally Posted by websthes View Post
Quality time is helping you with your chores...
You don't want a woman with baggage... Also, don't be afraid to play the field and scout out all your options. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Quality time is helping with chores?? Geez!! I always thought that helping with chores was building responsible behavior and earning one's keep. Quality time should be just as it sounds,,, quality time,,, not work!! And you show me ANY person,,, male or female,,, who is a single parent and does NOT come with baggage!! Life creates baggage for ALL of us!!! If you are looking for perfection,,, you will remain single for a long time!!! And in the next breath,,, play the field??? Plenty of fish in the sea??? He said he wants to see where this goes,,,, and you tell him to play around??? You give some strange advice!!

I agree with Snow bunny. webby is a blow hard. My ex had a 9 mo old and I loved them both and did everything together,period. It`s called a family unit.

 

Yep, I've dated one.

Married her and bought her and her kids a house too.

Just roll with it and see what happens.

 

Thanks alot guys

I hung out with her today for a bit drove the 20 mi each way for some quality time

We all hoped in my truck to run down to the store since me and her both were out of cigs and her kid was like your truck is big and loud why no shiney things and smoke like the trucks where the cows are (at the fair and I dont have stacks or engine work) and I couldnt cant get into technical stuff on why my truck isnt tuned so i said and said thats an option I didnt get. then at the store i got her daughter get a candy bar (with moms permission) and cringed hoping it wouldnt end up all over the back seat of my truck.

it was a good evening when its time for them to go to bed I get a hug and go home happy

also I pass the lot on the way there and home where i bought my truck from its in the same town so I just have a feeling since my awesome truck came from right here maybe the perfect girl was 3 min down the street between where i bought my truck and where i go cat fishing

fingers crossed for friday

 

Yes. What kid doesn't want to help his daddy do grown up stuff? Kids crave responsibility. They want to be just like you. Even if you just want to flop down on the couch at the end of a long day they need you to be the adult and keep them going.



If he's gonna be the daddy, then she can't pull rank on him. Ever. Went through that with my ex. She had a boy, wanted me to be his daddy, so I did. Took him camping, fishing, let him help me with the car, all of that. But when I told her to make him do his homework, give him chores, she didn't want to be bothered. I'd get home from work, and the boy's sitting on the couch playing video games. Meanwhile we're getting notes from the school that he doesn't know his times tables, can't read, etc.

Then he started getting sent home from for stealing, lying, hitting girls and other crap. I saw it right away. Kid never goes out to play, he doesn't know how to make friends. He got caught printing **** on the school computer because he was passing the pictures around to other boys. He pushed a girl into a locker because a couple of bad kids told him to.

I said to my ex over and over again, he's got no self esteem, you can't let him sit on the couch all day, he needs to be playing with kids his own age. I offered to pay for soccer, I suggested we take him to play with his cousins. I even offered to go over and and ask my neighbour whom I was good friends with if he could get his boy to invite J. to come out and play hockey with them, cuz I know how hard it is when you're shy. It was like talking to a brick wall.

Then he got in trouble for stealing pogs or whatever they're called, principal got fed up, tells us he wants the boy to see a shrink and get some pills to make him quiet. So my ex she took him to see the doctor and sure enough they came home with some pills and it was back to the old routine sitting on the couch eating chicken nuggets and playing video games. That was the last straw I finally told her to pack her ****, enough. I don't believe in that stuff and I'm not gonna be an 'enabler' or whatever it's called.

And that's what I mean by baggage and shopping around. Don't settle for less that what you want. I settled, and all I did was waste a few years of my life. Any woman whose been in a bad relationship will tell you the same thing. Don't think that these things will work themselves out. People don't change. You need to set the ground rules from the start and if there's something that doens't work, don't ignore it.

I have a good wife now. She's sweet, works hard, she's great with her nieces and we want children. I told her my thoughts on parenting and she's down with that. She's from a good family, she keeps me in line more than anything, she's the one got my business going, made me fix up my house and make a lot of money, we're all good now.