I've been sittin here, frustrated beyond comprehention. My fiance wants me to get tested for STD's and diseases when I come home. Okay, no big deal at all. BUT DON'T TREAT ME LIKE I'M ALREADY DIRTY BECAUSE I DRANK WATER AFTER A BUDDY OF MINE WHILE ON MISSION! OR BECAUSE I SIT ON TOILET SEATS TO TAKE A CRAP WHEN ITS THAT OR DIG A HOLE. I do my best to hold it all in, I understand that she doesn't know whats floating around this country, and that alot of it is just her being scared. I know its very hard to be the one at home. BUT DON'T TREAT ME LIKE IM SOME DIRTY DOG FOR COMING OVER HERE TO DO A JOB. DON'T TREAT ME LIKE IM GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT. Then I get told that "of course you would turn something like this around on me, I can't even talk to you anymore"

I've held in so much trying to be understanding as best as I know how. But it's not just a switch I can turn on and off, I'm stressed out so much. When I get angry I try not to let it out on her, because she's really not the one causing it, she's just the unlucky one who is on the other end when it comes out sometimes. My heart gets to racing, and I feel like I want break everything down. The only thing that seems to help is putting headphones on and turning it on so loud it drowns out any emotions, I also take Ambien, or Ultram, although they are for actual reasons prescribed.

Also not coming home until end of March early April instead of early March...

 

Seems to me to be an unrealistic demand to make on you for no reason......................

 

Tell her that you can both go down and get tested at the same time.

 

I dont even want to touch this one. First, THANK YOU!, for your service!......Second, Your off doing the most important job and American can do, and She wants to hit you with this? Doesnt seem to be the kind of support you need from the home front.........Hopefully her happiness at your homecoming will banish this subject................Keep it inside for now, have a serious talk with her later.....................Good luck and carry on.

 

Wow! Doesn't sound good. I don't know you, and certainly don't know her. You didn't ask a question, but it sure raises a lot of questions in my mind about you as a couple.

Is she normally paranoid about dangers in our world, catching cancer, criminals on every corner, that kind of thing? Or is she just paranoid about you?

Have you given her any reason to distrust you? You don't catch STD's from sitting on a public john, and she probably knows that.

Do you trust her? Steve's suggestion sounds good to me, but could be a relationship destroyer. Which might also be good. I'm in no position to say.

Do you think you could live your life with someone who is always paranoid and paralysed with fear? I sure as hell couldn't, but some people do.

Don't know enough to give advice, except to suggest you do some soul searching and reevaluate the relationship. Perhaps she has done so already.

 

Good advice

 

I told her that, she's fine with it. It's not that getting tested upset me, just the reasoning she seems to have. And under any other circumstances I woulnd't of gotten upset, just the situation and timing have been hell. I can't ever destress, so she seems to get the brunt of my frustrations when she makes the smallest mistake. I've realized this in the past months and held back, because it's not her fault really, it's the situation and stress I'm under. But when I hold back, my heart goes nuts and I get so PO'd

 

She's a clean freak, got it from her mom.

She's also a wonderful woman, and yes I do trust her. She has waited on me for so long. I guess my "question" is, how do you manage anger and stress to the point of, well, burnt out, so that it doesn't get taken out on someone you love and who doesnt deserve it?

 

Manage stress, anger?............Find a "project" and throw yourself into it, short of more violent means it works............Do you guys have a practice range?

 

Sounds to me like you believe most of the blame is yours. Suggest you speak with your unit physc, and the chaplain if you subscribe to religion. It's probably something you should work on while you are still active. Sorry, I am not a vet so I don't know exactly what resources are available. But this sounds like a stress disorder which they deal with daily.

 

Yeah, but it's hard to get, the ANA tranies use it. I do try to do extra long test fires with the .50 cal or 240. Sometimes, going outside the wire helps...because it takes my mind off of things at home and gives me a way to vent my anger (please don't take that the wrong way)

 

Yeah, I may go talk to my Doc, I know alot of guys go to him to talk about stuff like this.

 

I think you should. You've earned the right to be a little tense, and earned the right to help with it.

None of us can really give good advice, even if we were trained to do so. Not over the net. But we sure as hell can listen and throw out ideas. So feel free to vent all you want. We're here for you to the extent we can, and it's the least we can do to honor your service.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that very much. Right now my venting is up, as my cocktail of Ambien and Ultram is kicking in. Sure can't wait to get off Ambien for sleep, stupid crap. I guess I just want her to try and understand me...I don't want her thinking I've become something I'm not. She just doesn't understand that its an attitude you go out with, and one you keep for a while. I've been living this way for 10 months, with this attidude and mentallity, I can't turn that off, no matter how much I want to or how hard I try.

 

WEZOL You are experiencing PTSD. DO NOT blame yourself! She needs to study what it does to people. You will not be able to turn your feelings off just because you return to the states. It will be an effort to gain control and adapt to life away from the sandbox. Your current attitude is helping to keep you alive in a dangerous environment. You will need to work on things with the help of people that have been in the same state of mind and the professionals that aid them. I understand how you feel as I was a combat medic in the early 70s.