off topic Ultimate Blonde Joke
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Elder User
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 950
Likes: 3
off topic Ultimate Blonde Joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and couldnt find it. She started getting worried and asked,
"What does a license look like?"
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is" she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and couldnt find it. She started getting worried and asked,
"What does a license look like?"
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is" she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Elder User
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 739
Likes: 1
From: Murfreesboro, TN
Heard this one recently....
A beautiful Redhead goes into the doctors office and complains that her entire body hurts...
The doctor asks for more information.. 'what do you mean your entire body hurts?'
She explains that everywhere she touches it hurts...
The doctor says, well show me what you mean...
So the redhead touches her elbow and winces in pain.
Then she touches her knee and screams.
Then she touches her shoulder and begins to cry it hurts so much.
The Doctor looks at her.. and says "Hmmmm, you're not really a redhead are you?"
She looks at him with a question on her face... "No, I'm actually a blond, why do you ask?"
"Well, because your finger is broken..."
A beautiful Redhead goes into the doctors office and complains that her entire body hurts...
The doctor asks for more information.. 'what do you mean your entire body hurts?'
She explains that everywhere she touches it hurts...
The doctor says, well show me what you mean...
So the redhead touches her elbow and winces in pain.
Then she touches her knee and screams.
Then she touches her shoulder and begins to cry it hurts so much.
The Doctor looks at her.. and says "Hmmmm, you're not really a redhead are you?"
She looks at him with a question on her face... "No, I'm actually a blond, why do you ask?"
"Well, because your finger is broken..."
Fleet Mechanic
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,373
Likes: 6
From: Moore (or less), OK.
Another one.
2 women are speeding down a country road.
The brunette driving turns to the blonde passenger and asks;
"Are the cops following?"
"Yes." replies the blonde.
"Are their lights on"
"yup, nope, yup, nope, yup, nope."
The brunette driving turns to the blonde passenger and asks;
"Are the cops following?"
"Yes." replies the blonde.
"Are their lights on"
"yup, nope, yup, nope, yup, nope."
"Mifflin Clay"
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,177
Likes: 4
From: Mifflin, PA
Blonde driving past a cornfield sees another blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of the field, rowing like mad, corn leaves flying everywhere. She stops and asks whats going on. "Help me, I'm stuck in a sea of corn" the rower replies. The driver starts lecturing her about giving blondes a bad name.
"Are you going to help or not", the rower asks.
"I can't help you," the driver replied. "I can't swim".
"Are you going to help or not", the rower asks.
"I can't help you," the driver replied. "I can't swim".
Lead Driver
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,813
Likes: 13
From: Littleton, New Hampshire
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust
and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to
ask God for help.
She begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please
let me win the lottery.'
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my
business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost
my business, my house and my car. I don't often ask You for help, and
I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery
just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The
blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of God, himself....
'Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.'
and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to
ask God for help.
She begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please
let me win the lottery.'
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my
business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost
my business, my house and my car. I don't often ask You for help, and
I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery
just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The
blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of God, himself....
'Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.'
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Postmaster
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,190
Likes: 2
From: Riverside, So Cal
A blonde walks into a bar with a chicken under her arm.
The bartender says: "You can't bring that pig in here!"
The blonde says: "It's a chicken"
The bartender says: "I wasn't talking to you".
The bartender says: "You can't bring that pig in here!"
The blonde says: "It's a chicken"
The bartender says: "I wasn't talking to you".
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"Mifflin Clay"
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,177
Likes: 4
From: Mifflin, PA
Two blondes sitting in a restaurant with two astronauts. astronauts talking about moon trip & planned Mars expedition. 1st blonde says "We're gonna get into the act, we've got something big planned". One astronaut asks what it is. 2nd blonde says excitedly "We're planning a trip to the sun!" The other astronaut says "You can't do that. You'll burn up". 1st blonde replies "No we won't, silly. We're going to go at night".
Postmaster
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,190
Likes: 2
From: Riverside, So Cal
So...this blonde dyes her hair red and actually believes she has become smarter.
She decides to prove it to herself and others.
Driving down a country road, she sees a flock of sheep and the herder. She stops and goes over to the herder saying "If I can guess how many sheep in your flock, can I have one?"
He says "Sure, guess away"
She ponders for a moment and says "175".
He is amazed. She has guessed correctly. He tells her to go pick one out.
She is walking back to her car, sheep in her arms, when the herder says "If I can guess what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?"
She decides to prove it to herself and others.
Driving down a country road, she sees a flock of sheep and the herder. She stops and goes over to the herder saying "If I can guess how many sheep in your flock, can I have one?"
He says "Sure, guess away"
She ponders for a moment and says "175".
He is amazed. She has guessed correctly. He tells her to go pick one out.
She is walking back to her car, sheep in her arms, when the herder says "If I can guess what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?"
Postmaster
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,190
Likes: 2
From: Riverside, So Cal
A blonde and a brunette are sitting at a bar watching the news on TV. The story is about a man on a ledge threatening to jump.
The brunette says "I bet you $5 he jumps".
"You're on", says the blonde.
The man jumps to his death.
"Oh My God!" the blonde says...and hands the brunette a $5 dollar bill.
"I cheated" says the brunette. "I saw the news earlier and knew the outcome"
"I saw it, too" says the blonde. "But I never thought he'd do it again!"
The brunette says "I bet you $5 he jumps".
"You're on", says the blonde.
The man jumps to his death.
"Oh My God!" the blonde says...and hands the brunette a $5 dollar bill.
"I cheated" says the brunette. "I saw the news earlier and knew the outcome"
"I saw it, too" says the blonde. "But I never thought he'd do it again!"
Elder User
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 519
Likes: 0
From: Comfort, TX
Well, how about the two blondes that were working at Habitat for Humanity. Their job was nailing up siding and one blonde noticed the other tossing out about half of the nails she pulled from her nail pouch.
When she quizzed her partner why she was throwing away so many nails her partner replied.."The points are on the wrong end on some of the nails". To that her partner replied.."Dummy, those are for the other side of the house".
Badabing, badaboom.
When she quizzed her partner why she was throwing away so many nails her partner replied.."The points are on the wrong end on some of the nails". To that her partner replied.."Dummy, those are for the other side of the house".
Badabing, badaboom.