Awright folks..sit back now and remember back a few years. Ya'll remember that jingo..."He'll bubble yer nose an bubble yer chin..it's so much fun when you jump in!!!...Mr. Bubbles!!" Yup..some of you young fellers might not recall it but that was a commercial that ran years back for bubble-bath. Anyways..lets advance to last weekend and my grandson Bryce Logan came to visit. He's just 5yrs. old and he and I have a helluva good time together. Not always p/c of course...but we have a right-smart good time together. Anyways.....(harrumph...) after watching endless hours of mind-warping cartoons 24/7 I'd had about enough and Bryce and I headed down to the neighbors pool for an evening dip. It was 95degrees and 90%humidity. We spent about 2hrs. swimming and having a good time and as the sun dipped down into the west I said..."Bryce Logan we cain't go into the house soppin' wet and roon (ruin) all my new remodeling work!" Now for you ole geezers..recall that same commercial where that young whippersnapper leaps from the tub and runs buck-nekked out of the house. Actually.. back in them days all ye seen was his butt-cheeks covered in soap suds. Quite different from todays commercials...eh? Anyways..this is where it's about to git ugly. Brace yerselfs. Folks...Bryce is an un-inhibited 5yr. old...he don't know 'bout rules ner regulations...ner laws. As near as he kin figger... the difference between menfolks and wimminfolks is..they (wimminfolks) got short-changed a bit at birth. And wimminfolks ayre evil of course...as I've taught him...! And so he doffed them wet swimmin' trunks and ran right up thru the neighbors yard full throttle for the front porch laughing hysterically all the way to my front porch....and waited there for me. Folks..it's a hunnered yards from where I'm perched on the side of that pool...in my wet swimmin' trunks...and seeing his youthful dash..with no rules....well....(gulp!)....I'M OFF!!!! I made it 20yds. More to come of course..Audie..the Oldfart....(blush)
Well now folks...ya'll are beginnin' to get the picture. I've worked long and hard to remodel my home...ain't nobody walking in my house in wet clothes roonin' my floors and slingin' water everywhere. AND..it's 100yds. from the pool to my front porch. Now add in a 250lb. 52yr. old man. Trust me..yer eyeballs will heal in due time....I think. Anyways...I made it about 20yds. when I stepped on the first (of many) thistles....and sharp pointy rocks...and debri such as nails, glass and sundry other items. Tripped o'er a few lawn ornaments and got into a scuffle with the feral cats on the porch on the way. A note to the wise...anything round looks like a toy to the feral cats. 'Nuff said. Got to the front porch and realized I'd locked the door as we exited and had to scurry down to the garage to get the spare key. Excellent...just flippin' excellent. Retreat 50yds. and find the key...return and open up the door and step right in to the newly waxed vinyl floor of the kitchen. With wet feet of course. Now here's a poll to be taking.."How many folks have ever stepped onto new vinyl flooring with wet feet...at max. velocity..while laughing?" Now..how many folks have stuck a toilet-plunger on a vinyl floor and tried to pry it loose? Same principal....same problem. Me an Bryce Logan... gotter done. And that's the rest of the story. Audie...the Oldfart..