A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hey , could I get a beer please"
The bartender looks at him shaking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"

Mark

 

Hey Bill, that liquor store stinks.

 

3 more Mark!!!

 

Hi guys!!! I made it!! Stopped at my friends house, drank some Heinekins and and talked about the deer tags I didn't get. He did and my kids did. I've got my beer ready.

 

I was wondering what that smell was....

 

That will let you focus on getting your kids Deer!

 

Temperature in Fahrenheit:

+60 Californians put on sweaters.

+50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

+45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.

+40 You can see your breath.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.

+35 Italians cars don`t start.

+32 Water freezes.

+30 You plan your vacation in Australia.

+25 Ohio water freezes.
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream.
Canadians go swimming.

+20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation further south.

+15 French cars don`t start.
Cat insists on sleeping with you.

+10 You need jumper cables to get the car going.

+ 5 American cars don`t start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts.

-10 German cars don`t start.
Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects.
Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof.
Japanese cars don`t start.

-25 Too cold to think.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
Wisconsin-Eau Claire students walk rapidly across the footbridge.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath.
Swedish cars don`t start.

-40 Californians disappear.
Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweater.
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freezes.
Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over.
Polar bears move south.
Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-100 Canadian buildings turn off air conditioning.

Mark

 

only 2 more posts till 1000!

Mark

 

oh Damn, forgot what I was gonna say!

Mark

 

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:

- A"Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

BUG WARNING

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

Mark

 

Where do you find all of them? Mark LOL

 

congrats on 1000 posts Mark!!!!!

 

Rotten Johnny joke:

Johnny comes home from school to find his Dad going at his Mom in the bed room.

When his Dad see's Johnny he gives him the "wink",

Johnny leaves and his dad starts to look for him later and finds him in grandmas room going at it pretty hard.

His Dad yells "what are you doing?"

Johnny replies "you don't like it when it's your Mom do you ?"

 

Yes it will, and thats great.

 

YEA!!!! Congrats Mark!